A Scar Most Woman Have

I didn't say yes, I didn't say no,

Well, I didn't say anything,

I didn't know what to expect,

Next thing you know you were in.

I wasn't afraid,

It wasn't too intrusive,

It wasn't great,

But it wasn't abusive.

I was the one who started you off,

But I told you I didn't want to go all the way,

Your face appeared focused and lost,

As if you were in a daze.

You were after one thing,

And couldn't see past it,

You finishing,

Was a means to an end.

It wasn't consensual,

Wasn't disrespectful

But lacked being sensual,

Which made it regretful.

I know part of it was my fault,

Because I didn't speak out,

I wouldn't say it was assault,

But your intentions made me doubt.

Whether I can still trust you,

Because although you care,

I was left feeling used,

Not attractive, just there.

I was not fighting,

But laid there silent,

My hands and body kept tightening,

As your efforts were persistent.

At first your tried to get me into it,

But I was mentally exhausted,

Eventually you gave up and quit,

But you were not aware of how I reacted.

Because you kept going,

As if I was a prop,

Whether or not you were in the knowing,

Your weight seemed heavier on top.

It seemed easier to just let you finish,

Then to cause a scene,

Even if I wasn't into it,

My voice fell in the in between.

I thought when you were done,

You would once again see me as a person,

Give me a kiss and wrap me into a hug,

But you didn't, and it made me want to run.

I asked you if you were okay,

Wondering if you even noticed,

You said it all was a blurred daze,

And that's when I felt a little bit broken.

You asked me if I was silent the whole time,

Instead of reading into my discomfort,

I pretended it was all fine,

Even though I wanted support.

It wasn't worth you feeling bad,

Over something that was already done,

I know you're a good man,

Even if for me it wasn't fun.

Shortly after you fell right to sleep,

Taking up most the bed,

There was no point in saying anything,

I didn't need to cause any more dread.

You twitched and turned all night,

Leaving me fenced in the corner,

You didn't seem to want to hold me tight,

In my own bed, I was a foreigner.