Satire
Satan, Sick of Summons . Top Story - June 2023. Content Warning.
Satan started off as a great warrior for anarchy and free will, a genuine rebel without a cause. He hadn’t intended to be evil, he just didn’t like living by the rules. After being banished to hell, god sends books to earth explaining how to summon Satan, just to annoy him. Every time someone uses one of these books and does a summoning spell, they always ask Satan to do a really monotonous and sometimes evil favor, and after thousands of years, Satan is annoyed. He actually earned his deal making reputation by trying to make deals to get out of doing favors.
By Alex H Mittelman about a year ago in Humor
The Humorous Side of Being a Responsible Adult
Alright, alright, alright! Sit back, grab your preferred beverage - whether it's coffee, tea, or, like me, a healthy mix of energy drinks and existential dread - and let's dive into the rollercoaster ride that is responsible adulthood. It's like being on the most exhilarating amusement park ride, except the safety bar is your health insurance, the loops are unexpected bills, and the photo taken right when you're most terrified is your face every time you check your bank balance. Yeah, fun, isn't it?
By Nathan Chenabout a year ago in Humor
Why I'm Convinced My Printer is Possessed
The moment I swiped my card at the electronic store, I was living my best life. After years of lugging my laptop to the public library and tolerating their prehistoric printing facilities, I'd finally acquired my own printer. Little did I know, I was signing up for a comedic horror story featuring demonic circuits, possessed ink cartridges, and more paper jams than a bureaucrat's worst nightmare. Here's why I'm convinced my printer is possessed.
By Nathan Chenabout a year ago in Humor
Dick Winchester in... Dick Winchester Episode 1: “Gratuity Not Included”
Book 1, Chapter 4 INTRO / A LONE SAXOPHONE MOANS A MOURNFUL NOTE NARRATOR A city street caught somewhere between the rock and a place too hard for even the hardest man. Yet, one hard man walks this dead-end street, his shoulders hunched forward beneath his leather jacket. In this town full of losers, a city of shut down strangers and hot rod angels, some want him dead. Even less want him alive. Those few that remain know that it will take more than death to see the last of... Dick Winchester.
By Stephen A. Roddewigabout a year ago in Humor
Telephonic Adventures in Mental Health
(Recorded message): Hello. You are through to Farringdon House, the home of your local mental health crisis team - the people who care. Please listen to the following information and then select the appropriate option. If you are trying to contact your designated mental health professional, press ‘1’ and leave a message. We cannot stress this enough - You HAVE to leave a message. Yes - life would be easier if you could just speak directly to someone but there's a lot of strange people out there and we have to filter out the cranks. Not that you're a crank. You're probably a lovely person with a genuine mental ilness - Or maybe not. Perhaps you are a crank. A timewasting crank. In which case, we detest you. Using an imgainary mental illness as an excuse for your miserable life? You make us want to vomit - Hang on - Where was I? - Designated mental health professional - blah blah - press ‘1’ - leave a message - yadda yadda - there we are. That's it - Back on track. Due to the volume of messages currently being left using option '1', Doug on Reception is struggling to keep track of who’s trying to speak to whom (the front desk is an administrational Omaha Beach – Post-It notes strewn everywhere). Please be patient with him – it’s his first week. I’m sure he’ll pass your message on to the right person. Eventually. In the unlikely event that Doug did manage to pass your message onto the correct person, they may have called you back. If so, they probably missed you and left you a message. If you are responding to such a message — which itself was a response to your message — press ‘2’ and leave a message saying that you got a message about your message and — you know what? Let Doug sort that out. If you have called previously and left messages via the ‘1’ and ‘2’ buttons — i.e. you’ve left a message, someone’s then left a message for you, and you’ve then left a message about that message — press ‘3’ and leave a message — Actually, it’s best not to. No one listens to the messages left in pot 3. It’s a rabbit-hole we chose not to go down — nothing makes sense there. Messages about messages about messages — it’s like a Christopher Nolan movie. If you’re in distress and require advice or support, press ‘5’ — Sorry, press ‘4' - Or is it ‘6’? Or is is '#'? Tell you what – just press ‘1’ and leave a message. I’m sure Doug will figure it out. Whilst you’re here, I need to remind you that if you fail to speak to your designated mental health professional in person on a regular basis, you will be discharged from our care. If you have any questions about the information provided today, press ‘1’ and leave a message. Doug will sort out the rest. Thank you for calling Farringdon House and have a great day. And remember — you can always talk to us.
By Christopher Donovanabout a year ago in Humor
A Dick Dodgers SFPI Educational Interlewd: Boedeen
Note the below is a part of the saga of Dick Dodgers, Space Faring Paranormal Investigator, 1st Class (... so he says). It is tongue in cheek style background information on the planet Boedeen written for the serial novel "Dick Dodgers and the Case of the Orgasmic Organism."
By Andrew C McDonaldabout a year ago in Humor
Taking the Knee to be Criminalised by UK Government
Brighton, England — At the Conservative party’s annual conference, a Home Office spokesman today announced plans to make ‘Taking the knee’ illegal. Any professional sportsman who continued to do could face a hefty prison sentence under the new legislation.
By Christopher Donovanabout a year ago in Humor
The Last Crumb Cake
Writing down ideas on a forum, Zach thinks of the topics he would like to cover on Brendan's Crumb Cake. A couple of topics that come to mind are 'Why did Brendan change the recipe for the original crumb cake?' 'Why is the lemon flavor outselling the true original crumb cake?' and "Why doesn't the company have questions and comments on the packaging?"
By Regal Pistachioabout a year ago in Humor