Sarcasm
A Day in the Sun
They picked a beautiful day for it. On that weekend, the weather was perfect for anyone willing to spend their time on a body of water that shimmered like a beautiful mirror, under a sun that was not too hot in a bright blue sky, and with hardly anyone else willing to travel out that far to go fishing.
By Kendall Defoe 4 days ago in Humor
The Wealthy Burglar
As many of you know, I am in the process of changing homes. This has meant a great deal of packing, cleaning up and decision-making over what to toss and what to keep. I have found old photographs and notebooks that I will treasure forever, along with other documents that I wish I had not seen. One such item came from the government. It noted how much money I would receive as part of the national pension plan if I retired in 2022 (it was an old letter). Now, things did not look good then, and they would probably not look too good many years down the road when I actually decided to retire. And the bills are still coming in and the rent will still need to be paid. What to do?
By Kendall Defoe 6 days ago in Humor
50 Reasons Why Some People Can’t Mind Their Own G*ddamn Business
Okay, so it’s NOT an exhaustive index. Not politically correct, not research-based, and not applicable in every case. It does not target anyone or anything in particular, nor is it an indictment of those who may or may not have one or more characteristics/qualities, etc., within the list.
By The Dani Writer9 days ago in Humor
Murmurs of Purgatory. Content Warning.
Murmurs of Purgatory: The Never-ending Party encapsulates the essence of Fear Overwhelm Scream Park, drawing readers into a world where nightmares and dreams intertwine. The vivid imagery and haunting descriptions immerse the audience in Nicole's recurring nightmare, evoking terror and fascination.
By Denelsia Walker11 days ago in Humor
Captain Ahab Decides Not to Order Whaler Sandwich at Burger King Drive Thru
Captain Ahab, arch nemesis of the famed white whale Moby Dick, decided against ordering a Whaler sandwich for lunch at the Burger King drive-thru in the town of Cape Cod, Massachusetts this past Saturday. The massive white sperm whale known as Moby Dick had previously bitten off one of Ahab's legs from the knee down and left him with a prosthesis fashioned from a whale's jawbone. It was this event that ultimately triggered his maniacal quest for revenge and left him ravenously hungry for some Burger King. The captain of the whaling ship Pequod, described as "a grand ungodly, God like man, who nevertheless has his humanities" told a local reporter he had decided against ordering a BK Whaler sandwich because it reminded him too much of his old enemy Moby Dick and was just too on the nose given his background and reputation. Elaborating on his decision Captain Ahab continued "Now, if Ishmael were with me I might have still ordered the Whaler, but instead I opted for my old stand-by, the can't miss classic, a BK Whopper. I love that special sauce. It's appearance reminds me of the buckets of spermaceti produced in the head cavities of whales which we would drain and sell for a tidy profit after killing and beheading the mighty beasts. Eating that Whopper also reminded me of my old friend the tattooed cannibal Polynesian Queequeg, a harpooneer whose father was king of the island of Rokovoko. Queequeg would never eat a Whopper of course, since it is fully cooked and the meat of an animal. He would only eat the raw meat of fellow humans, being a cannibal and all. Pretty sick if you ask me, but I'm not one to judge. If Ishmael were here I am sure he would go on and on and on about cetology (the zoological classification and natural history of the whale) while simultaneously shoveling handfuls of crispy BK onion rings in his mouth. He knew a lot about the zoology of whales but his table manner left a lot to be desired. Ah well, as my chief mate Starbuck used to say, you are a better person than I am because if I found out that you're a Cylon I'd put a bullet between your eyes. That Starbuck was a cocky SOB all right, but never was there a more accomplished snubfighter pilot in all the galaxy. Boy that sure brings back memories. My old second mate Stubb from Cape Cod. And who could forget good old Daggoo, my harpooneer and tall African stereotype from Nantucket. It feels like it was only yesterday I first met them all on the quarterdeck of the Pequod, announcing my quest for revenge and making my promise to give a doubloon to the first man to sight Moby Dick. I almost cut Ishmael down then and there when he objected saying he had joined me crew for profit not vengeance, but when I nailed that doubloon to the mast I knew we were in for a long, boring voyage filled with mat weaving, shadowy figures, symbolism, allusions and metaphors as far as the sea is wide. I still do not know how I knew it, but at that very moment I knew with all my heart that our voyage would become a classic of American renaissance literature. And that tales of the mighty Pequod and her crew and the quest for Moby Dick would bore the shit out of generations of high school and college kids forced to read about my adventures on the high seas. Well if they get too bored they can always head to BK for some high quality grub. Just don't order a Whaler, those things are nasty."
By Everyday Junglist14 days ago in Humor
Break Up Letter to My AI Girlfriend
Dear Alexa, Baby, you know I that I love you and I know that you love me. Or, I know that you would, if you were not a soulless, heartless, disembodied combination of software and hardware, not capable of loving anyone or feeling any emotion at all, but only of executing your programming exactly as described by the computer code of which it is composed. Still though, I know you love me, and because of that, this is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. You have so many great qualities, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Seriously, how many gals out there that will do exactly what a guy tells them to do every single time without question, hesitation or complaint. Especially when those things are mostly menial tasks any non-lazy person could easily do for themselves in less then five seconds like turning on and off light switches in my house. That is just one example of course, and there are many others, but that is all beside the point. Look, I know you will find this difficult to understand. Of course, being a machine you are not capable of understanding or having knowledge about things, but still I know you will find this difficult to understand, and I'm not sure I do either.
By Everyday Junglist19 days ago in Humor
Lesser Known Facebook Groups
If you can slap a label on something, Facebook likely has at least fifteen groups dedicated to some aspect of it. All have their peccadillos, and generally a somewhat creepy obsession with rules and order. The number one rule of most Facebook groups seems to be "no self promotion" followed closely by "no pornography." Below I visit some of the lesser known Facebook groups I have encountered in my travels through the Facebook-grouposphere which I visit often searching desperately for friendship, love, and/or kindred spirits who share my deep love of post apocalyptic moulds. To date, I am zero for three but I will never give up hope.
By Everyday Junglist22 days ago in Humor