The Journey of a Thousand Smiles Begins with One Meme

Salutations, friends!

It's me again, __Lightning Bolt⚡ with another droll edition of Meme-ing Madness!

I originally opened with some seriousness here at the top, but upon reflection, I thought it might kill the vibe, so I moved it to the bottom. I haven't published anything for quite some time— I've been going through rough times lately. Find out why after the silliness, if you're so inclined. For now, all you need to know is that I've finally made significant strides at pulling my head out of my ass. I think I've gotten my sense of humor back... but I'll let you be the judge of that.

The premise here is cheap and juvenile— the same as it ever was. I harvest memes off social media (Facebook), then use them to tell additional lame & lascivious jokes of my own. I've been compiling nonsense like this for nine months here on Vocal and they haven't banned me yet! 😂🤣

Who knows why? 🤷

Traditionally, I present about twelve memes in these collections, but this episode will run longer to 'make up' for lost time.

So let's get started!

⚡ 😁👍

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#1- — feeling apathetic

I otter know better than to share such bad puns.

My bad. 🤷

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#2- — feeling scientific

Science is always trying to illuminate things. 😡 It should mind its own fucking business.

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#3- — feeling inspired about a premise but indecisive about the PoV

Conspiratorial voice: There's no way in hell you actually wrote this book.

Inactive voice: I'll get around to reading your book later.

Online voice: You call this a book?!? Wow! Just... WOW! I'm literally shaking.

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#4- — feeling disgusted

Yeah, right. How about a Hallmark channel with no happy endings, where people never declare their love for each other, and just anonymously fuck instead?!?

What's unrealistic for the goose is unrealistic for the gander, right?

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#5- — feeling hailed

Why would Picard start that way when, clearly, the other guy A) already knows his name, and B) is always glad he came? 🤷

They both need beers.

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#6- — feeling energized

"Dammit, Christopher, I'm the main character, not disposable!"

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#7- — feeling confused

I'm not a seamstress, but I fail to see the problem here. 🤷 This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "honey pot". 🍯

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#8- — feeling myself

me: It's perfectly *natural*!

me (sighing): That's what we all say.

⚡_______________⚡

#9- — feeling weighed down

It's hard ... but somebody has gotta do it.

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#10- — feeling skeptical

I don't buy it.

Next these rock "scientists" will be saying Tyrannosaurus was never actually trying to kill anything— they just wanted a hug and only used their mouths because their arms were too short.

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#11- — feeling erudite

Some books stand the test of time, no matter whether you read them sick Orwell. 🐑🐎🦆🐖🐄🐂🐓

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And now, some Thanksgiving leftovers!

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#12- — feeling heroic

At least Bats can say he's got a Boy Wonder... which has gotta piss off Green Arrow, who only has a Speedy.

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#13- — feeling used

Originally posted on Facebook by my cat.

😐

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#14- — feeling forceful

May the Farts be With You!

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#15- — feeling stuffed

Well, if certain little troopers didn't use light sabers to slice up their meat, it wouldn't be so overcooked! Just Sayin.

Stop blaming the chef!

(....and at least this steak comes with its own 'dental floss' so a toothpick isn't needed.)

⚡_______________⚡

After all that food, I'm feeling really lethargic.

I should stop now, right?

Okay. :::: heavy sigh :::: If you say so.

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#16- — feeling Mexican

🤔 I'd probably go as high as $15 for a taco-print shirt... maybe $18 if I wasn't already so full.

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#17- — feeling smashed

Don't make it angry! You wouldn't like it when it's angry!!!

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#18- — feeling tired (and used again)

Me to our German shepherds: Just call me "Doorman."

🤷

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#19- — feeling dreamy

.... but....

Full Disclosure: everyone in the self-checkout line were naked from the waist down & masturbating. 🤷

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#20- — feeling sated

That pathetic begging ☝️ was motivated by envy and jealousy.

Burger King is the home of the Whopper, after all.

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#21- — feeling blessed

Don't judge, ok? Wielding a wand as large as mine is exhausting.

⚡⚡⚡🪄🥱👍

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Alright. That's all I can muster this time.

I'm always ready to snoozzzzzze after a good orgasm.

There are twelve other installments every bit as fulfilling as this☝! If you are so inclined, download these memes to share with your friends on social media. Don't consider it stealing; they are freely given!

Have you read all episodes of this lunacy? Here's just a couple of the others...

Please hit that ❤️ button if you didn't hate this ridiculousness. SUBSCRIBE! God Willing & I don't get buried in a snow drift, my intention is to be back before the 25th with some Christmas spirits.

WARNING: this is the part that isn't funny. Apologies. (Skip this if you want). I mentioned at the top I haven't written anything on Vocal for quite some time. I started suffering from a seizure disorder three years ago— that's nothing new. Because I Have Bad Brains, I am unable to drive or work. My bank account balance has been nil since May of 2020, when I collapsed and nearly died. I'm attempting to get disability, but I had to wait two & a half years just for a trial, which finally happened in October of this year. It will be a couple (several?) more months before the judge rules in my case. Meanwhile, the drug I am on to prevent seizures is a 'cure' that is almost worse than the disease. The side effects include brain fog, horrible short-term memory issues, excessive sleeping, anxiety, and depression. I'm also isolated. I have no living family left. Because I have no income, I'm totally dependent on the person I adore the most. I feel like I'm a burden to him. I also sadly confess that I have a wicked temper. If I get my feelings hurt, I'm prone to respond with anger. I'm excessively sensitive. I overthink things. The man who I still consider the great love of my life— he broke our engagement recently, which has been the most devastating event of all. He & I still live together, but the dynamic has completely changed. In an attempt to try to get my shit together, I've started seeing a mental health therapist.

Basically, I'm crazy and as poor as my sense of humor. If you're feeling generous & could shoot me a $5 or $10 tip, I'd be eternally grateful.

Regardless, I appreciate your readership and I thank you for your support!

___________Bolt⚡

PS—

Vocal needs a Comedy Community!!! (which I will expertly run for a moderate six-figure salary! 😂🤣 )