Confession of Love

I never thought love would find me, everything changed when my husband came into my life. I fell in love with him when I saw his picture on Facebook. I know that's silly but it's true. I just knew he was the one for me. So after six months of getting to know each other we ended up dating for one day, but I did know that he had a girlfriend at the time but I didn't care. I just wanted him, all of him. At first it was just teasing him, making him crave me. I didn't know that he already did, it didn't take me when a man knows what he wants.

When he said he left her I gave into him immediately my heart, my body, my soul the first day he told me he loved me it felt so right. Our love made everything it felt right. I know this is different to say but I slept with him at that moment. I just wanted it all right then and there.

After we made love I ended up getting a call from his ex. She was in tears, and I felt betrayed. I gave him my heart, and my body he went back to her. He went back to his ex-girlfriend making me promise to never speak of this again.

I was so shocked, I was hurt, and I nodded agreeing. Right then I was checked out emotionally even harder because he wanted to be friends. I think that was the hardest thing for me.

I was hurt, pissed, and everything in between so after being emotionally checked out and his ex found out what we did she wanted to know everything that happened. I was immediately disgusted. He never stuck up for me, he never fought for me, instead he just rolled over and played dead pretty much. I played possum if you will.

After the interrogation I got off the internet staying off for weeks completely going dark the pain in my heart just increased.

When the man you love with everything you have said never talks about what we did it felt like a sting of betrayal.

I don't know how I found the will to come back to social media but I did.

I tried my hardest to act like the last three weeks the tears and sadness just meant nothing.

I even had my friend Oliver help me through it sadly to say. I couldn't even look at him. I pictured the man I love, not him. But I felt disgusted with myself. For doing that, lowering myself to this.

I was so desperate to forget these feelings I tried dating other people, I tried everything just to let these feelings go. But I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, they couldn't be bared.

Then I met my worst nightmare through my friend. When he came to town he tried violating me our first night by sneaking into my apartment. If it wasn't for my dog he would have.

I hated the feeling I wanted to run to the man I love when all of that happened. I wanted him to hold me while I cried. I hated that feeling like the bitter taste in my mouth. (at the time).

I wanted to run to him, so after three miserable weeks I ran to him and told him everything that happened to me. After which I never let anyone touch me since.

I couldn't even be intimate with myself because of what happened for three years I couldn't even think of anything except what happened to me. Then it happened he asked me to be his girl again at first I said yes but I ran away.

I didn't think I was good enough to be loved. For anyone to love me, I was so low and hurt. I felt so betrayed I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

When true love finds you never let it go. I just never thought I was good enough for my man. Nothing made sense for me, so I ran and kept running. Until I couldn’t run anymore. Then it happened, after two years, it was May 2019 when something terrible happened to me I found him again on social media. I couldn’t even talk to him after this happened to me. I saw him on and off but the words would come out.

It became unbearable the hurt by the time November 2019 came and he finally started to talk to me. I was still friends with his ex but I knew if the rules were reversed she wouldn’t have cared she would have taken him. He asked me out, and I accepted. I think it surprised him that I accepted. But I did, even when he was broken I love him, and when he hurt me so many times I still love him. Because I know they are made for each other, and when love finds you hold on tight because your soul says he is the one who never stops fighting.