A New Beginning:

The truth of self becomes elusive when there is lack of self expression. A lack of self expression creates a blockage. A story may be told, but if one tells partial truth to hide behind their falsehood, they are being dishonest. Now the integrity of self is compromised.

-Azrie'l

Constant fear of being vulnerably seen to the fullest, worrying of judgment from others, and anxiety from made up scenarios has caused me to fall into an illusion for protection of my "reputation". Although, on the other side I do allow myself to be faced with courage. Courage to share my personal learning curves in a world full of harsh judgement, lack of empathy, and no other perspective besides the one people have grown up with. I know if I allow that fear to continue, my younger and present self would be disappointed for not speaking up and advocating for self when that has been one of my main wishes. Not only am I speaking for self, but to the vulnerable women who seek love and become single mothers. I am speaking up for the children who are shut down early on in life not being able to express. I am speaking up for whomever resonates through similar experiences and needs a voice.

The discipline I knew nothing about, but heard of numerous times and then consistently tried to encourage others to have through my social media performance was rarely met within my personal life. Better yet during that period I didn't even try to exert it to pair with my awareness that was always boasted about. My integration was more than "shy" to peak its head because I never even greeted it. Soon came to a realization, that was my unintentional era of fake motivational speaking. Let’s give it up for that fresh awakening illusion that majority people enter into and stay in. I was definitely in that crowd.

Sometimes I had to question myself and ask "What have you been doing these past few years?". Thankfully there has been unveiling of my personal history which brought inner healing that started my self aware journey. The information was constantly being passed through my mental with no action to meet my true spiritual elevation. It was the equivalent of me doing my homework back in middle or high school, but never turning it in.

This blogging that I announced numerous times before was and still is intentional to set my foundation of not only truth telling, but accountability, restoration of my spirit, and regeneration of my life. The major problem that has passed was I very often chose the victimized path instead of working on my faults because I’ve always met them, but the actual work was never done. I needed and sought for all the pitying attention to be focused on me. Have mercy and extend all the grace!

I wanted to be the scorpion Alchemist pictured in my fantasy mind so bad, but I knew better than to be delusional and claim the title especially publicly. The power behind the word was not resembling the power within me in those many moments. My given gifts had became neglected because through my tunnel vision they just weren't "special" enough compared to what I was seeing through others. My perception of my gifts would often leave me feeling embarrassed, ashamed to shine, and afraid to be a truth teller.

Now I do declare this is my start to continue on my path of truth and integration. To actualize transmutation fitting to my abilities, skills, and unique gifts. I leave behind the dependency of validation. I sever the ties of worry, fear, and confusion of who I am and what to do besides be dormant to victimization. My Ori is sincerely called upon to be truthful.