This was written for Paul's wonderfully creative unofficial challenge which you can read about in the link below!
I chose to 'remix' or in my case, answer? Paul's words with my own, using his poem, Great Nothingness, as the inspiration. All words in italics are Paul's. His original piece was an acrostic for the Dancing with Distraction Vocal challenge. I followed the acrostic theme...you can see for yourself what I chose :)
~
Do you feel weighed down by life?
Actually, I'm light as a feather, high on life
Immerse yourself deep in water
(but) The atmosphere feels fine up here...
Stop and take a moment
Til I remember your words and slowly slip below the depths,
Tilt your head back and float
Entirely submerged now
Relax and let the waves wash over you
Nothing but a lump of pain anchored to the ocean floor
Acclimitise yourself to the water
Coalesce with it
The pressure splitting my broken mind
Think about nothing but your surroundings
Inundated with images of you and her
Indulge yourself in the great nothingness
Obsessed and consumed with my grief
Only then will you feel free,
Not to mention, happy.
Never to be free.
____________________________________________________
Thank you so much for reading!!
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Comments (13)
Well done Heather ! I can’t help but hate upon that last line, however! 😅 It was all going so beautifully before that gut punch of a final line. When I pretend it’s not there…. I love this 🙈😂
Yes… congrats on your well deserved placing in Paul’s challenge! Really enjoyed rereading this.💙
Just came back to congratulate you on placing in Paul’s challenge, Heather!
Hey hey, check this out! https://vocal.media/writers/paul-s-unofficial-remix-challenge-the-results
Very cleverly done!
My word. That was...stunning, Heather. Thank you first and foremost for entering something so remarkable for my lil challenge. This felt like an actual collaboration sorta...which was so cool. I love that you took the acrostic and did an acrostic and you did it as a response...like John said (lol at one of my happier ones, rare apparently but it's true I guess haha) I am bowled over a bit and will definitely read this a few more times. Also just the insanely clever Attention as a reaction/answer to Distraction. Just, great. So many lines...just flowed so well...and it was like...wait for it...pun incoming...both our pieces coalesced together seamlessly! Thank you again and well done again. Don't think I've truly done it justice but...yeah. Well done!
I paid ATTENTION to your Acrostic and I'm so impressed by it! I love how you chose the conceot of response to Paul lines. That was so clever and creative! Loved your poem so much!
That was fascinating. Like a conversation with your own mind. The struggle is real, and beautifully expressed.
Gosh. This was awesome. You and Paul should collaborate on some poems for sure as this was so good.
Your writings are almost superb. So yeahhhhh !!!
vvvv What John said. The two inner voices had contrasting reactions to the same situation, each coping in their own unique way. So sad, Heather.
Wow. You took one of Paul's happy poems (rare I know) and made it more Pauline than Paul. I loved the contrast, like two inner voices arguing, hope versus despair. It should be incongruent, and yet it works in a dreamlike manner, like a call and response. Very striking, very original, Heather.
Wonderfully written!!! Loved it!!!💕❤️❤️