Hide & Seek

It’s too fucking cold. I am shaking and aching in every muscle. My teeth are chattering more than they ever have before. Loud enough to revibrate through the hills on the field before me.

I refuse to go inside.

What do I have but to ache in there? To wither in my bed and shake by myself. My stomach hurts and my head is so dizzy. Nothing can cure this; nothing can cure this feeling the way I want it to.

There is nothing to wash over, wash down, wash away, the way I am feeling and how badly I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

I have put myself through hell and high water for no worthwhile reason and I continue to do so because, after all, old habits die hard.

I want to drink so much water that I can drown myself and my sorrows along with it. But that isn’t how it works.

These stars don’t know peace. The ground beneath me will never know freedom. This desolate parking lot feels like my brain and right now, I can’t feel it at all.

Heaven is near, and there is no better time to hide.