Here Is What Happened When I Quit Drinking Four Years Ago

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ― Carl Bard

The other day, there was a party here at the school. Everyone was drinking, and I and a few girls were playing pool. The game was taking forever since we were all pretty bad.

All the guys were watching us, and each had chosen their side.

As the game continued, everyone was slowly getting drunker. I had my soda water.

I had set my soda down on the bar with all the other drinks. After my turn, I instinctively reached over, grabbed my soda, and took a drink.

Except it was not soda; it was someone’s beer.

Instantly, I ran and spit it out, not because I was afraid of drinking but because it was so disgusting. My initial reaction was to spit it out.

It was as if poison had entered my mouth, and effectively, that is what it is. Alcohol is poison.

I then found my soda and rinsed my mouth, but it took time to get rid of the aftertaste.

“If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime.” ― Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Four years ago, I decided to quit alcohol for many reasons.

The main reason is that I was using alcohol as my therapist.

I was sad and had a drink.

I was happy to have a drink, but I was bored and had a drink.

For years, I have quit alcohol off and on. I would go for months without drinking, and then I would have a bad day and turn to it to soothe myself and my emotions.

Then, slowly, I began letting it go, and finally, after drinking too much wine one night and having the worst headache the next day. I consciously decided to quit for good.

In the past, when I had quit, it was simply to stop; it was never to quit for good. I do this with caffeine also; I will go for weeks without coffee, and then one day, I decide to drink it again.

A rest/reset for my body.

Yet alcohol is different. Coffee is not soothing my emotions; it does not make me blackout and not remember the night, nor does it give me a pounding headache from drinking too much.

Sometimes, I will get a bit shaky, but it does not alter my state of consciousness.

“Recovery is an acceptance that your life is in shambles and you have to change it.” — Jamie Lee Curtis

So yes, I was treating alcohol like my therapist.

When I quit drinking, there were never any worries about me restarting; I decided that was it; I simply would not drink anymore.

After that, when I would go out with friends if they told me their drink was good, I would have a sip and then ask for the same drink without alcohol. I no longer do that since the smell, taste, or thought of alcohol now makes me nauseous.

So, since I quit drinking four years ago, a lot of changes have happened in my body and mind.

I have always been shy and introverted, although many may perceive me as an extrovert because I am chatty.

Yet it takes a lot of me, and I need my time alone.

So, alcohol would help me to be even more extroverted, and I would use it as a crutch. Since quitting alcohol, I no longer need alcohol to give me courage; I have learned to start conversations, read the room, and use my intuition to guide me.

It has given me more confidence to be myself instead of trying too hard to impress people or forcing myself to talk.

If I do not want to engage, I sit or listen.

My sleeping has improved.

I enjoy my sleep; I can sleep for 10 hours a night without an issue. However, when I was drinking alcohol, my sleep patterns were disrupted.

I would often wake up tired and struggle to sleep. Now, I can fall asleep within minutes, and I usually don’t struggle to stay asleep, which has helped the bags under my eyes, and I feel rested.

Increased Productivity

Before, when I was drinking, a night out would often lead to the next three days of laziness and decreased productivity. When you are self-employed, that many days of doing nothing will lead to poor results.

I have a set schedule for my creative endeavors and always meet every deadline. I wake up at a reasonable hour, including weekends. This has led me to grow these platforms and a few others I am focused on.

Saving Money

It has also led to the obvious conclusion that when you do not drink alcohol, you save money. Instead of having four or five drinks a night that add up to a lot of money, I have one soda. So, in the end, I have saved a ton of money.

Improved Relationships

My relationships with my friends and family are healthier; since I save money not drinking, I can put it towards plane tickets to see my family.

Also, not being hungover allows me to spend quality time with them, not just drunk or hungover. Since they all have kids, being a good role model as a nondrinker is essential.

Dealing with my emotions in a healthy way

However, the biggest lesson that I have learned being sober or a nondrinker, is to learn how to deal with my emotions. I am no longer on a rollercoaster.

In the past, I would have highs and lows; one day would be so great, and the next, after a day of drinking, I would sink into a deep depression. Since alcohol is a depressant, it has the exact effect it was meant to have on me.

Now, I no longer have those highs and lows. I see things more clearly and can listen to my intuition better than in the past.

However, this took time—a few years. The biggest lesson I learned was to trust myself.

Lately, I have become more mellow; I often wonder if it is getting older or if it is because I no longer have the stimulant of alcohol in my life, causing me to spin out of control.

I have always been reserved and quiet, and now I have accepted this about me. I no longer need to have a life full of drama; when I would drink, I need the drama in my life.

I have no idea why, but now I try to surround myself with those who are similar to me.

Drama free, mellow, and have a good relationship with themselves. It has taken me a long time to get here, at least four years.

I do not keep track of my sobriety date; it is May, June, or July, but I know I quit at the beginning of the summer of 2020.

No shame around sobriety

The fact that I no longer feel shame for not drinking emanates from me, which also leads to no one questioning my decision. Instead, they ask if you want something else to drink, such as soda, tea, or a non-alcoholic beverage.

Luckily, there are many alcohol-free options here in Colombia, and a soda saborizada with maracuja is my favorite. It looks like a fancy cocktail, but I will not get hungover or have a headache.

My overall health has improved.

Other things have happened to my body these years, such as feeling healthier, not drying my skin, and having energy. Yet, the mental health benefit is the biggest win for me.

Trusting myself, gaining confidence, and creating a routine have stabilized my internal and external world. I also have a much deeper connection to myself and the world around me; daily, I am more aware of what is happening.

As well as a connection to something bigger than simply my human self.

So quitting alcohol was a lifesaver, and it helped me to realize who I am instead of a pumped-up version of my ego of who I thought I wanted to be.

XOXO

S