here you go again

here you go again,

You want to be alone again,

Because there is an absence so large,

nobody is able to fill it,

you can pretend,

go about your day like you are driven,

laugh out loud,

smile at others,

even feel everything,

but when you close your door in your home,

You truly feel alone,

drawn to the sheets,

that is the only comfort that meets,

the feeling of being still,

Your skin aching for something real,

A touch,

a drop of love,

something enough,

You feel guilty for not being productive,

Not giving, though you have nothing else to give,

Falling into the space where darkness,

feels more at home than where you live,

You close your eyes and think about being wrapped up in safe arms,

blanket you mind with like-minded songs,

You know that pull to lay down, isn't who are,

isn't how you should be spending your time,

Where being overwhelmed and numb intertwines,

But every hour you are awake,

You want to be hiding away,

letting your body rest in the only place it can,

afraid do go home,

But avoiding of plans,

You just want to be,

without feeling guilty,

without feeling the absence of someone,

Even if they are not who you love,

You want to feel motivated, yet rested,

have your own time, but have someone to invest in,

You want to get what you need to get done,

while having time to remind yourself of fun,

But instead, you lay here,

facing the mirror,

Where you want to feel,

yet, disappear.

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