Australia Day walk

Remembering an Australia Day walk (2017.)

What is it like to walk without a constant commentary? I used to know.

Today I speculate as I sit here on the park bench and practice grounding and mindfulness.

I push my feet into the ground and say out loud, “My name is Pauline Fountain. Today is? I don't know except it's Australia Day.”

I tap on my iPhone screen.

"My name is Pauline Fountain. Today is Thursday 26 January 2017, 10.10 am.”

I have picked frangipani flowers. They have always been my favourite. So I mindfully consider them: shape, texture, colour and smell.

I drink water from a plastic bottle and do the same. Shape, texture, colour and smell. I add temperature, taste and sound.

I hear my Psychologist’s words.

“What does this prove Pauline?” she asks.

“I don't know,” genuinely clueless.

“You can function well living in the present moment,” she explains.

I practice her recommended strategies to ease the commentary.

I close my eyes and identify five sounds. Then 4. Then 3. Then 2. Then 1.

I open my eyes and repeat this task visually. Five different items. Noting location and colour. My eyes dart, skipping from one to another. I try to slow down, but my mind is unable to process further details or harness this intensity.

Finally I try to identify five silences. Bombarded by the overstimulation of noise. Stillness reassures my senses that quiet exists.

My mindfulness completed. My breathing is calm and controlled.

I sit awhile and the commentary begins again.

It’s time to walk home.

What is it like to walk without a constant commentary?

What it is like to walk without commentary on that commentary?

*

Now? 6 June 2021, 10.44 am.

Did this ever leave?

My capacity to process independent thoughts is exhausting.

What is it like to think without a constant commentary?

What it is like to think without commentary on that commentary?

It’s worse. My commentary is out of sync.

Time for grounding and mindfulness.

Pauline Fountain. © 2021. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used or reproduced without the written permission of the author.