The Most Ridiculous Questions Ever Asked in Mom Groups

No one has all of the answers, especially first-time moms. When I had my son, I split my time between staring at his sweet little face and worrying about how I was now responsible for another human being.

I did my fair share of Googling and posting on mom forums.

First time moms especially can ask questions that more seasoned mothers may deem as absurd but are things that they just don't know yet. However, there have been some questions asked that make you wonder how in the hell is this person going to be able to keep another human alive?

Here are some of the most ridiculous questions ever asked in mom groups (terrible grammar has been permitted to give the full effect).

I’m Gonna Go With No

“Should I let my son to play with my vibrator that he found in my bed? 6 1/2 yr old”

Maybe Help Him Focus on Fixing a Lawnmower at 3 a.m.

“What do you guys think of microdosing meth for ADHD? My son (7) was diagnosed with ADHD recently and got prescribed Ritalin.

The problem is that the pills contain lactose, and we are a vegan family, so I won’t buy them anymore.

However, I still have some meth laying around and was wondering what dose my son would need to help him focus?”

Her Answer to Why She Didn’t Take Her to the Hospital or Call 911? No Car.

“Hello, my kiddos were in a bad accident Wed. One of them were ran over in the process. Her wounds are healing but now bloody puss is coming out while she was walking. I’ve used peroxide and neosporin but bloody puss still coming out. What else should I do until I get her to the doctor tom.

Thanks moms”

That’s Not How Any of This Works!

“Ladies, is it true that a NEWBORN can sense their mommy is pregnant? My father in law swears up and down that I am because my baby keeps holding her head up moving her neck around everytime I hold her and put her head on my shoulder (me and my fiance did have sex while I was pregnant).”

Ewwww

“I need some advice. I made brownies for my school’s bake sale that had breastmilk in them. I didn’t have time to run to the store and didn’t think it was a big deal (some of those kids could use the nutrition, let’s be honest). And it wasn’t even that much.

One of the other moms found out and are blowing it way out of proportion. Idk what to do! Any suggestions?”

Umm…What?

“If a child wants to leave the womb very early, let’s say after 6 months already, maybe because of fast metabolism, would it be fine already?

I remember that when I was small I wanted to leave after 5 months already and then got sewn into my mother’s womb which I found very traumatic.

Are there any info about special cases maybe?”

Someone Have CPS on Standby Please

“How do I convince my cousin who is dead set on a home birth to NOT do an at home circumcision? Her husband is a dog breeder who crops ears and docks tails, so she thinks that he should be able to perform a circumcision just fine. This makes me very nervous for the baby. She believes it is fine so I will be showing her these replies, to prove to her that no the fuck it is not.”

This is Why We Have Trust Issues

“Believe it or not there is nothing wrong with a little bit of poop…it is minimally toxic…we actually use small amounts periodically in our kids diets as we have read it makes their immune system stronger…kind of like eating dirt or putting a pacifier back in a baby’s mouth when fallen on the floor. We use about a tablespoon and add it to chili…the kids have no clue.”

Amazing Idea! Why Hasn’t Anyone Else Thought of Doing This Before?

“Hello mommy’s — please help

I’m pregnant and I want to choose my own due date, is that possible? On my due month of course! So what is the process to apply for such in hospital? And what happens if I get labour pains before that date that I want to deliver on? Is the a way to delay the process?

Please help guys, Thanks”

Low Self-Esteem Much?

“I’m losing my shit and need to know if I’m trippin! So my husband has a 6 yo daughter with his ex who happens to look like a mini version of the ex. We get the kid ever other weekend and my husband is always telling her how cute she is or how beautiful or pretty! Or commenting under pictures saying “my beautiful girl” or whatever. It bothers me so much because the kid LOOKS like his ex so to me it feels like he likes how his ex looks or is still attracted to her. I dunno! Anyone else been through this?!?!?”

Maybe Ask People to Donate Gifts Instead?

“I need a huge favour. All my shit for Christmas was stolen from my home yesterday and I need a new bus pass to go to stores and try to steal her new gifts. Could anyone do donate $40 for a new bus pass please? Or even $20. I’m trying to replace everything that was stolen, anything and everything that I can get helps right now… If I dont have to go boosting for new gifts that would be splendid…but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Just Say Four and a Half Years Old!

Is it weird to still be nursing my 54-month-old? They’re almost 55 months old, if that makes a difference. When should I stop?”

If you have any crazy questions from moms that you’ve seen on social media, please share in the comments! If nothing else, they should make us all feel better about our lives!

***Story previously posted on Medium.com by the author***