Satire
The Argan Oil Chronicles
Author's preface: By popular demand I will be republishing all 18 articles in my award winning series featuring argan oil, the world’s greatest hair and beauty oil, and Morocco’s trump card in their secret plot to control the worlds dwindling supply of hair oil reserves. If you are reading this you can’t say you were not warned. The series is presented in chronological order (or close enough) for the argan oil chronicles completist. Part I - The early years features some of my earliest forays into the exciting, humorous, and hair frizz free world of argan oil. Thank you country of Morocco for being such a good sport about the whole thing. I do very much admire your country and would love to visit someday. Enjoy!
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Fiction
Our first house
I still can't believe we did it, my wife and I really did it. We bought our very first home. Endless hours waiting for the bus, countless hours of overtime and double shifts, refilling ketchup bottles with packets of ketchup we took from McDonald's, and saving all the loose change we could find. We were really stretching every single penny as far as it could go until we could afford to move out of our individual apartments and move in together. Now we're both 30 years old, we met at our job as teachers. I teach economics and she's a fine arts teacher. So much student loan debt, but here we are finally moving in to our first home together.
By Dyllon Rodillon3 years ago in Fiction
Fallout
People – usually children- often ask me, “What’s it like being a package”? And my answer is simple, “Its amazing”. You get to travel. No one really bothers you. Your life is well managed and as of the 2000’s they even track you in the US. There aren’t many downsides. Sure, there is a bumpy ride every now and then and those fragile pansies complain for hours on end but overall being a package is good. Oh before I forget there is another downside….being near envelopes. They are super touchy feely. My theory is once they are licked it revs up the engine but doesn’t drive the car, if you know what I mean. They spend the rest of their 3-5 day lives wanting to pick up from where they left off. Its best keep your distance.
By Theophilus Wells IV3 years ago in Fiction
21st Century Breakdown
It all started twenty minutes ago, though each minute has, so far, truly felt like a millennium. I was sitting at home, minding my own business (procrastinating), when I was abruptly, and might I also add, terrifyingly interrupted by the doorbell. It’s not a sound I’m very used to, if at all. Who, in all honesty, uses a doorbell anymore? If friends or family plan to visit, they call. Tradespeople, handy people, even the landlord, they all need an appointment and you always, always meet them outside. Even the postman announces his arrival with an unusually specific delivery slot, between 13:47 and 14:23, so you can be at the door, watching the driveway intently for the arrival of whatever you’ve ordered between the assigned hours, opening the door coincidentally at the exact moment they approach, snatching the post directly from the hands feeding you and avoiding any surprises.
By Holly Jackson3 years ago in Fiction
Fear
And let it be known, I’ve said with my actions, That I do not make good decisions. Pleading belief with their eyes, yet a shrug on their tongues, “She has a good heart,” my loved ones have always voiced the excuse that I wouldn’t utter for myself. Truthfully, I didn’t think that there need be excuses. I never thought anyone was actually watching. Until the day there was one set of eyes, carefully trained upon me.
By Mickie Dennison3 years ago in Fiction
My crazy day at the gym!!
I will never forget the day I went to work out at the gym. I was so excited about the free membership that I had received online. Besides the free membership, I chose this gym because it was in my downtown area in a shopping plaza, and was filled with other stores and businesses I could go to. I wanted to workout and hit the library, the beauty salon, dairy queen, and the grocery store. I was so excited, I pulled up to the parking lot and proceeded to walk to the gym. Suddenly, a bomb squad pulled up and made a announcement over the bull horn. Nobody move, everyone please stand where they are, there is a suspicious white powder on a brown paper package in the area!! It may be arsenic poison or anthrax.
By Tanea Hill3 years ago in Fiction