I will never forget the day I went to work out at the gym. I was so excited about the free membership that I had received online. Besides the free membership, I chose this gym because it was in my downtown area in a shopping plaza, and was filled with other stores and businesses I could go to. I wanted to workout and hit the library, the beauty salon, dairy queen, and the grocery store. I was so excited, I pulled up to the parking lot and proceeded to walk to the gym. Suddenly, a bomb squad pulled up and made a announcement over the bull horn. Nobody move, everyone please stand where they are, there is a suspicious white powder on a brown paper package in the area!! It may be arsenic poison or anthrax.
Oh no, said a lady in a red hot mustang!! Please officer, is their any way you can let me in to the beauty salon? I have 10 minutes to make it to my hair appointment. Please let me go in!! Please!! I see my hairdresser right there in the window!! Please let me go!! Please!!.
Ms., please stand where you are, or you will be arrested!!
No, I need my hair done, I am going gray and bald. I went from being a hot blonde, to a old gray freak!!. No I am making a run for it!!
Handcuff her now!! Put her in the cop car!!
I hope it’s anthrax from another country!! I hope they put it in your mailbox!!
Mrs. sit down in the back seat or we will take you straight to jail!!
Suddenly, a old man makes a sigh from his mini van.
How much longer do we have to wait here? My dogs need to see the vet and I want to go to the grocery store without my wife. Please, I want to spend money on my own credit card for once.
Maybe it’s just rat poison for mice.
How much longer said a stay at home mom? Me and my kids want chicken tenders meals and Oreo cookie, Butterfinger blizzards from Dairy Queen.
Hurry my kids don’t need to witness this madness.
Suddenly, kids begin to cry and the dogs begin to bark in the parking lot!! Suddenly, all the stores and the gym in the plaza are told to evacuate careful and slowly.
All of the evacuees start to run into each other trying to make it to their cars.!!
Suddenly, a member of the bomb squad announces that looters have entered the grocery store!!
Suddenly, people are running out the store with packs of steaks, milk and cereal, 6 pack beers, candy bars and ice cream!!
Suddenly, a elderly lady with dementia yells out franticly!!
Where is my deli meat package!!Its wrapped in brown paper. It has a bunch of gold bond powder on it. I spilled the powder on my deli meat by accident while it was in my walker!! I want to make a bologna sandwich? Its past my lunchtime!!
Who gave the cops my lunch, that’s my lunch!! That's my deli meat package!! Oh no you are smearing the gold bond powder. That's my lunch!!
It's time for my lunch!! Please give me my bologna!! I will make a sandwich right here. I have mayo and cheese. Suddenly, the lady yells at the bomb squad to give her back her bologna before she has to call the police on them.
The bomb squad reassured the elderly lady that they would get her bologna back.
The bomb squad test the powdery white substance on the paper package. The squad okayed it and said that it was indeed just gold bond powder. They open the brown paper package and hands the old lady her bologna. She takes the bologna and sits on her walker and begins to make her sandwich and eat. The elderly lady opens a paper bag and takes out a banana and apple juice and begins to eat.
Thanks officer the elderly lady says. It was way past my lunchtime. I felt a hunger pain and then I realized that my bologna was missing.
That’s ok miss. Enjoy your lunch.
Suddenly the bomb squad announced over the bull horn that the bomb scare was over and that everyone could resume back to their normal activities.
That day I did a one hour workout, 20 minutes in grocery shopping, a shampoo wash and blow dry, and a big ole waffle ice cream cone with three scoops from dairy queen.
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Tanea Hill
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The Southern Boy
The Southern Boy The boy from the south wanted me to understand the importance of wheat, germs, and fibers. He wanted me to understand that without grass, nothing would flourish, nothing would blossom, and nothing would be sought after. I needed to understand the importance of the maker, not just the outcomes. Without the maker, we would have nothing he said!! He yelled, now put your clothes back on and cover your body before it’s too late!!. Cover your body before pestilence and decay enters you! I protested this reasoning! I felt youthful and sexy! I wanted to be a trophy! I wanted to be the girl who oiled her shoulders, and wore strapless dresses, while walking the backwoods of Tennessee. I protested against him and insisted that his reasoning was no longer justifiable. That I could be beautiful even during our walks in the backwoods of Tennessee. I imagined the dirt road being the Las Vegas Strip. I imagined the barn owls being Flamingos. I imagined the horses being racehorses. I looked into the hot sun on the Tennessee dirt road, and imagined lovemaking in the hay. Suddenly I was interrupted by the southern boy! Put your clothes back on and cover your body before pestilence and decay enters you!! I protested his reasoning, but he did not flinch! He felt my reasoning’s made no sense at all. That I was just a poor dame amongst the horses. That I needed again to be watched over and protected from pestilence and decay. The Southern Boy laid the blanket in the grass. He opened the crochet basket and asked me, when was the last time I had eaten. He looked me in my eyes and gave me a naughty stare. I insisted I had never eaten in my life. That I just wanted to be something special with my shoulders out. Suddenly a barn owl flew past and startled us. The Southern boy would not budge. He had insisted that I had eaten many, many, times before. I denied his theory, that he could check before our arrangements. That if my arrangement was not valid, then there would be no arrangement. The Southern boy looked me in my eye. I watched his pupil turn black. He began to discuss my acquaintance with Bill. Many times I have seen you at Bill’s under the sun and outside the porch he said. And ain’t no kids anywhere in sight. I protested his reasoning!!.That Bill had several acquaintance’s and had given birth to a baby girl whom I bathe, while he works on cars. The Southern boy moved closer. He squeezed my hands and pushed my pinky finger back. He yelled in my ear!! You have had many acquaintances, now tell the truth. I screamed, yes I was one of Bill’s acquaintances, but he made it right with another girl!! And I made it right with you!! No you have not made it right with me, because you won’t cover your body before pestilence and decay enters you. I have no pestilence or decay I said!! You can test my arrangements. Me and Bill only sat on the porch, we never laid down no place. He replied angrily, Bill has a lot of acquaintance’s who sit on his porch, and lay down too! Tell me, have you eaten? He squeezed my hand! No, me and Bill only sat on the porch, we ain’t never laid down no where. Alright then, no more prepping Bill’s baby, and no more lemonade afterwards. I protested and responded, I can’t leave Bills baby, he has to work on cars and bring home a loaf! Fine then, I will come along everyday. Would you like that! Of course I would like that. Ok then after we are done prepping BilI's baby, we will have lemonade on the porch, without Bill. Ok, and after that we will lay down together everyday for the rest of our lives. His pupil turned black as he placed a wedding ring on my finger. I opened the basket and began to eat the wheat crackers with cheese and tuna. When I looked to my left, I saw the barn owl watching.
By Tanea Hill3 years ago in Fiction
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