Post-Quarantine Life for Millennials

As a fellow Millennial, I think we can all agree that the past couple of years have been sh*t.

We're all about 30 and I feel like we missed out on some prime time the past couple of years.

I'm an introvert, I'm not a party girl; but after spending 18 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days locked in a house with my mother and no where to go but maybe the grocery store and work, I wanna spend a week in Vegas wearing a a showgirl outfit and dance on top of a bar top until I get kicked out. Then I will make out in an alley with said bouncer who just wanted to get me alone. I'm a small woman, and he's built like the Rock and Jason Momoa had a baby and his lips are soft and as his hands begin to wander, he will pick me up like I weigh nothing and then-

Whew, sorry.

Excuse me, my fantasy sometimes gets away from me. I should maybe cut down on the romance novels that are free on my Kindle app.

Look, as someone born in the early 1990's, I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably work until I'm 90 and never own property unless it's willed to me in someone will.

So what do I have left? One night stands that make for great stories after some serious Roman level partying with enough alcohol to kill an elephant.

And there's nothing wrong with that, if Woodstock can be considered a great historical event and nobody bats an eye about a week filled with drugs, orgies, and rock n roll then I can go to Vegas for a couple of days to get drunk and laid. Go ahead, @ me, try to tell me that my weekend dream vacation is vastly worse than Woodstock. Do you know how many babies were born because of Woodstock? Not that I'm aiming to get pregnant, that's not in my plans at all, but I just want to have fun.

Do you guys remember fun? Before we had bills and life beat us up in an alleyway with a pillowcase of soap bars and lemons?

I cried while watching Gargoyles last year and eating a doughnut at 1 am because I missed a time in my life where I didn't live through a life-changing historical event every three months and when customers wouldn't yell at me for wearing a mask to protect them.

Life is hard, and for Millennials it feels a tad worse. We can't afford college because our jobs barely pay us enough to cover bills and we can barely save anything because as soon as we get some money in our bank accounts our car breaks down or we get a hospital bill or our credit card gets stolen. While you're on the phone with the bank to give a report, you watch on the tv as someone starts to climb the walls of the capitol building as gallows as being built. Of course, before you can process the threat of democracy, someone always comes up and asks "Why aren't you married yet?". Then you realize it's hot, and its hot because of global warming and then it snowballs from there.

I want so little out of life, and especially with life after quarantine, watching it literally pass you by is so utterly painful.

So, let's all go to Vegas and get white girl wasted on tequila and make out with some who we think looks like Jason Momoa in the dark.

And it might be wise to invest on Tylenol stocks now because with the amount of alcohol I intend to consume, I'm gonna need enough Tylenol to put your grand kids through college if you play Wall Street right.