Messages From Heaven

Dear Mom,

Hey Mom. I never told you this before, but... All the times you were there for me I never knew how I could be so lucky. To have a mom who is my best friend, who loves me for me. Who would never ask me to lose weight because your ugly? Most aren't that lucky mom but you gave me that. You gave me a role model. Someone I could look up to. I just wish, it were you the woman who gave me life. But in fact it was the woman who gave you life that was my true mother.

I will say this my idea of what a mom is came from the woman who raised me my Grandmom. She gave me everything, she taught me so much. But also so little. My grandmom coddled me she never prepared me for the world. She showed me love, how to always fight for what you believe in. But sometimes fighting isn't enough. She didn't tell me, what to expect? She more or less told me how to settle for less. Now I loved my Grandmom may she rest in peace but she is human like all of us. She never prepared me for the world, she did everything for me never showed me what to expect. Like all people they think, I can live forever. Which isn't the case.

If I could tell her one thing right now, it would not enough because I wanted to share with her everything. My Grandmom was a prejudice about interracial couples. I never agreed with her I always believed love is love. You can't buy something that precious like it. If I could tell her right now I would say Grandmom I'm happy with my husband he may not be the same color as I but I am happy with him. If he didn't like it well it's not her life it's mine.

I wish I could tell her about my miscarriage how the pain some days is so fresh. I loved my baby before she or he was born, and yet it wasn't enough. I lost the baby, and when that happened I lost apart of myself and my husband. I wish I could tell her about my experience. I wish she could take me into her arms and say everything will be okay. You will have another baby, babe. But she can't because she died of pneumonia, COPD, and the Flu all rolled into one.

I thought I have a message from Heaven I dreamed of her she hugged me, and told me that she was proud of me. I knew it was real, she told me she was glad that I left my bad situation, and is happy that I'm married to the right man.

She was shortly after my miscarriage, she said in my dreams: "Emily, I know your having a rough time. So much has happened to you, you lost so much sugar. But you will be happy again, you married your soulmate Shane will take good care of you. Babe, I'm so proud of you you walked away from your mother, and aunt when it wasn't even easy. You lost your dog, you lost everything but slowly you are rebuilding. Sweetheart I love you. You married a great man, and you take care of each other."

I woke up my husband woke me up because I tossed and turned in our bed. And my Mom was right. It wasn't easy to walk away from a toxic situation but I did. And if I could tell my mom one thing it wouldn't be just one. Because there would be so much to say. I couldn't even narrow it down to just one.

So mom, you know everything that's going on and I know that I don't have to say anything because you already know.

But Hey Mom, I just wanted to tell you..... something I always had trouble saying before you took me in and helped me, I just want to say I love you, and I miss you.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter.