Pivot

I am at another pivot point. As many people call it, a for the plot adventure, where once again we are changing it up, flipping the script. Making drastic decisions to avoid the never-ending battle with complacency. I tend to do this every few months if not every couple year. I crave stability and comfort till I dream of the day where I can once again immerse myself in spontaneity and discovery. I last a few months doing life's chores, an insatiable cycle of saving, working, playing the game that society is built around. Work hard to achieve, keep chasing a dream to feel happy. Only to reach that goal and only ever see the battles ahead.

I guess you could define this pivot as the work hard play hard method, where you sell your soul to make a paycheck then use that paycheck to get what you define as getting the most out of your life.

For me, I don't feel like I fit into a box of any method. I would like to call myself a collaboration of both my parents or as I like to say it, "A switch in all the ways" winkie face included. My definition of getting the most out of my life is in a constant stasis of change, because I don't know what will make me feel full.

As I sit here writing this, I have 17 tabs open on my computer with different projects connected to different passions with various timelines in my mind. My first and foremost pivot is flying to Australia, a trip I have been manifesting for the last 6 months. But honestly, when people ask me why I want to go, I don't have a legit reason other than if I am not saving for something or to go somewhere, what am I doing with my life. Now, I could break it down into a self-discovery solo trip that mimics something my mom did when she was my age. I feel like that is a logical answer, but really, I feel like if I don't change something drastic, put myself in an unknown environment, I am limited within the walls I live in. The repetitious cycle of feeling stuck.

I realized I haven't described a pivot to you yet. By definition it is a shaft or pin on which something turns, in business terms it's when a company completely changes its original service or product while still offering the same resources. In life terms, its where you never stay somewhere long enough to settle. It's the point in which you switch up your life as soon as monotony settles in. For me the idea of doing one job for over a year sound like a prison sentence, or the idea of living to work just to have two weeks off to recover from what work takes away from you, is not it for me.

I have found through my 26 years and counting on this earth, that we all are going to end up at the end of the life game board in some facility with memories that may or may not fill up our one-bedroom apartment. Though in college I dreamt of climbing the ladder, working for someone else to define me as successful. When really, I don't define punching the clock as getting the most out of my life.

Unfortunately, I tend to pivot with most everything in my life. Move to a new state pivot, move and travel abroad, pivot...... end a relationship every one to two years because something doesn't feel the same about it, pivot. The beginning, middle and end goal is always to pivot.

I say pivot instead of avoiding, I say explore instead of settle. The idea of the unknow is boisterously uncomfortable, yet freeing. I need to feel like I am working towards something and in this case, it an adventure of a lifetime.

I love people, not so much in the food industry kind of way. More so the observing of human interaction and the simplistic beauty that can come from the softest moments in time. With traveling, you never know what moments you could wittness or walk yourself into. You could catch a sunrise with an unthethered crowed, you could build a playlist of love from the hearts of strangers you just met. The potential of recognizing and being in a moment is invaluable and so much better than any souvenir.

The past two years I have been in Colorado. The home from the last pivot I made when I once agaon left my hometown after Covid. I want to preface, by saying I love Colorado. I love the identity and business I am creating for myself here. I love the mountains that feed my heart in an indescribable way, I love the high and blue skies that canvas the ground I walk on, I love the brightest of greens that pop out in the spring and summer and the way the sun in the summer fades to evening each day. I love the way I feel here, the people I am connecting with and the potential of what I have already built. Parts of me says that right there is what it is all about. But there is a convincing inkling in my heart that tells me there is more for me to experience and I can't do that in a lease.

I have always been a planner, never a thow it into the wind to see where it lands kind of girl, though I wish I was. I see these people traveling and exploring the world, and so comfortable with the uncomfortable. We are talking the sleeping on airport floors, missing busses that you were supposed to catch, going with the change, knowing you will figure it out kind of person. I have it in me, but naturally it not me. The pivot to Australia is to exploit that small part me, expand me past what is uncomfortable. You know the saying, "You can't grow, where you're comfortable". I know I will be uncomfortable, sleeping in hostels, not having a clear plan, pushing myself to meet people who live completely different than me. But if I stay, I know I will never get to experience any of it and I don't want to look back at a life of missed opportunities.

I feel like I am in an era of pivots, also known as being in your twenties. But I am kind of in love with the potential of these pivots. The point, where I am searching for connections past just one person, I am finding places I fit, and fortifying my dreams and potential. My mom always told me that your late twenties are about finding youself and discovering who you are. I have spent so much time trying to fit into a mold of what I thought I wanted and who I thought I wanted to be with. But I am in a time of change and growth and am excited to build on the person I am becoming.

So if this reaches anybody, this is affirmation for you to pivot. Don't be afraid to be bad at something new, don't be afraid to travel and leave a job behind. Don't do what is comfortable. Because growth in yourself happens where uncomfortable begins.

So, Pivot,

From the words of someone who has, and the girl who is only at the beginning of her potential.