Nat
Bio
She/her/hers
writing about adoption, mental health, and chronic Illness.
Stories (44/0)
I Am Not Fun Anymore.. Content Warning.
Everyday I’m getting older, everyday brings more mistakes. leaving the way I did was a way of saying fuck you. It was my final act of rebellion, my way of asserting my identity and my independence. My old friends told me that I am no longer fun anymore and I laughed but the longer I think about it the less funny it became. It became a very odd thing to think about, I lived in a place were if I died it would definitely shock people but they wouldn’t be surprised that was when I knew that I needed to change.
By Nat 3 months ago in Confessions
That New York Apartment.
I never thought that I would be here I am today. I had so many reasons to run. Of course leaving hurt. It hurt like nothing else in the world and I was supper scared. I was so tired of being the girl that I was. I felt stuck in the place that most others think is so freeing. I’m sorry that I left but it was for the best even though something always felt odd. I watched the city change. I don’t know New York anymore. Someone had to have left first. I knew deep down that it would be me. I don’t think the people I loved knew that I was going to leave the way I did but I knew when I was young that I wouldn’t stay in the city. I did the minimum anyone asked me, always shouting but not to loud. Just trying to blend in with the rage of NYC.
By Nat 4 months ago in Confessions
My Only What If
When I was 18 and about to move half way across the country, there was a boy. A boy who begged me to stay. We loved each other very much but the urge to do better was more. He wanted me to stay cause then I would be safe. I wanted to be the one to finally get out. When people ask me if I regret anything, I don’t know how to answer. I don’t regret leaving but I do regret how I left. I went to his apartment to say goodbye to his sister. He wasn’t supposed to be home but he was and he saw me as I was leaving. We stared at each other. He asked me why I wasn’t going to say anything. I said I’m sorry but don’t you remember how you told me that I was better than this neighborhood. So I got on the plane. I left the way I left for a reason. I knew that if I spoke to him that I would have stayed. there wasn’t a lot that I wouldn’t do for him but I needed this more.
By Nat 6 months ago in Confessions
Leave the past behind: A guide to moving on and finding happiness.
There are no written guidelines on how to survive. Sometimes I really believe it, that I am going to save my life. I didn’t realize how suffocating that house could be until I left. All of the doors look like me leaving. I hate how everyone expects me to bounce back like that is so easy. It’s not that simple. Dealing with everything at once can feel overwelming. Many people assume I’m fine so they don’t ask anymore. It’s like I have to put on a happy face for everyone around me even when I am not okay. It’s hard.
By Nat 6 months ago in Confessions
7 Years of Bad Luck
The day I met him I broke a mirror. I should have known it wasn't going to end well. After seven years I finally waked away. I finally took him off the pedestal and his fall from grace looks great from this point of view. I gave him all the best of me. I wasn't surprised how we ended but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. The love wa there but that didn't really change anything. It didn't save anyone. There were just too many forces against us but it still didn't matter that the love was there. When he told me that being in love felt like a job, not something he really wanted, just something you have to do, a part of me broke.
By Nat 7 months ago in Confessions
