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Lily
Bio
Writer, Teacher Assistant, creator and believer in the law of attraction
Stories (65/0)
Am I Eternally Damned? . Content Warning.
As I make my way out of the deep depression that took hold of me this summer, I can feel anxiety and fear slowly creeping in. While I’m glad to be feeling a lot better, I can’t help but worry about when the next time will come. I have had depression for a very long time and have learned to live with it, but I wonder if it will ever leave my life. I have learned tricks and tips, taken supplements, gone to therapy to try and figure myself out in hopes that depression never comes back. I have not been successful thus far. At certain points in my life, depression simply takes over. It’s almost as if I disappear or cease to exist, then I come back and I have to rebuild my life again.
By Lily10 months ago in Confessions
Forcing Myself To Laugh. Top Story - August 2023.
This summer was the opposite of what I thought it would be. I thought I would have fun and be the happiest girl. I planned to go watch movies, stay up late, discover new places and so many other things. My brain seemed to have other plans for me. Pretty much on the last day of work I started to feel my mind go numb as well as my feelings. By the time I got home I fell into my bed and stayed there for the rest of my vacation. I could not find the energy to leave my bed, let alone my house. Mentally I decided to give in to my numbness and ceased to speak or feel any emotions. It was peaceful yet scary for me to find myself so cold and unfeeling. I accepted my new reality and wasted my summer away.
By Lily11 months ago in Motivation
How to I Stopped My Negative Thoughts
As long as I can remember I have had negative thoughts. Of course, we all have negative thoughts that pop up from time to time. For me, the negative thoughts were constant and at times debilitating. Negative thoughts ruled me for a long time. I was limited in what I could do or believed I could do. I wanted to find the way out of this dark mindset but was blocked by the negative thoughts themselves. Leaving my thoughts to run negative for so long led me to believe that this was just how life was going to be for me. In fact, I think I was a little obsessed with proving that my thoughts were right. For example, when I did attempt to prove my negative thoughts wrong but failed, I was sure it was because my initial thoughts were correct. This summer has been my most negative and I have been feeling my lowest. I decided I did not want to feel that way anymore.
By Lily11 months ago in Motivation
Pushing Myself
After living as a complete hermit for about two months I finally awoke one day feeling a little bit more energized. It was just enough energy to push myself out of bed and try to do something, anything in my house. I looked around my room and saw dust, hair and clothes on the ground. I used my limited amount of energy to pick up some things and clean for a bit. Of course after so much time lying in bed this moving around business got to me rather quickly. After a few minutes of cleaning up I once again laid in bed, but for some reason I felt a bit better just looking around in my room. I decided that I would continue to tidy up the next morning and went to bed. The next morning I again woke up with more energy, this time I decided to push myself past my short spurt of energy. I continued cleaning and when I felt I was starting to feel tired I simply kept going. I was able to do much more cleaning and less lying down after pushing myself. Once finished I felt a certain sense of accomplishment which was the total opposite of the sadness that had kept me in bed for the past months.
By Lily11 months ago in Motivation
Depression Guilt . Content Warning.
I have slowly been coming out of one of my longest and darkest depressions. For a while there I allowed myself to be completely taken over by sadness and did not try to fight it. I spent many days just feeling numb and dark. I did not attempt to do anything that wasn’t sleeping. I watched the sunrise and sunset from my bed. At times I felt nothing and at times I felt everything. It was a painful process that I hope will not come back for a long time, if ever. After a month and half of darkness, I am finally starting to feel a bit like my old self. I’m not 100% back yet but can tell in my mind that I am on my way. Each day I push myself to get up and try to do little things around my house. I have not pushed myself to do big things yet because I don’t want to let myself down and return to my bed. I know it will take me some time but I feel I am on the other side of that hill. I have started to communicate more with others and feel like I’m slowly coming back to life.
By Lily11 months ago in Confessions
Planning My Life Out
Lately I have been watching tons of youtube videos about how to use planners. Through my search I found one youtuber who has the planner lifestyle I think I want for myself. The more I watch the videos the more I learn how to plan. I think I wanted to plan because I feel that when you start planning you are really taking more control over your life, which is something I think I need. The youtuber I watch plans her days out every single day and focuses on achieving goals slowly with a set routine. I think this is absolutely perfect! I’m hoping I can create this for myself in my life. In the past I have bought planners but never used them daily, so my planners had a lot of blank pages that went to waste. From what I’m learning from this youtuber I need to write in my planner every single day, even if it seems repetitive. Actually, repeating the goals everyday is actually helpful because that way I can keep myself focused. Personally, I have no discipline and will let go of any routine or habits in about a week. I would like to change this because I feel this is part of why sometimes I am so negative. I really don’t trust myself or believe I can do anything because like I said I usually let go of everything only to feel guilty afterwards. I don’t want to feel that guilt anymore, I would instead like to feel like I can commit to something and see it through.
By Lily11 months ago in Motivation
Have You Ever Broken Up With A Friend?
A few years ago I had a best friend. This person was someone from high school whom I had lost track after graduating. While in college she found me again and we reconnected. We started hanging out frequently and started to develop a deeper friendship. This friendship would not have existed if it was not for her perseverance. You see, after high school I had turned into a very introverted and lonely individual. I did not want to make new friends and didn’t really take care of the old ones I had from high school. This friend, however, was persistent. She pushed me to do things with her. Soon my weekends were occupied with outings she had planned. We were friends for a few years and we even considered becoming roommates at one point. As time passed on I noticed that my friend was a goal setter. She had plans for her life and she wanted to be more social. She would invite me to some of her social gatherings but I just couldn’t see myself there. Soon she got a boyfriend and started to be a bit busier with her life. Still, she would always keep communicating with me as a good friend does. One particular night we decided to go see a play. The night was fun and we enjoyed our show. On the drive back from the play my friend talked about how many plans she had for the following year, it was December at that point. For some reason once she dropped me off at my house I decided that day would be the last day I would ever see her again.
By Lily11 months ago in Confessions
When Depression Comes Back . Content Warning.
About a year ago I posted some tips on how I was able to keep depression at bay with showers, meditation and affirmations. I wanted to share this information with everyone because I know how debilitating depression can be. For about a year I was able to live depression free. My mood had ups and downs but nothing like what I experienced before. However two months ago that all changed. I work in the education field and have a pretty set routine from Monday to Friday. I go to sleep early, wake up early, work for 8 hours, go home and follow a detailed written schedule everyday except for the weekends.
By Lily11 months ago in Confessions
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