How Am I Supposed to Feel

By now, the whole world is aware of the alleged assignation attempt on former US President Donald Trump. It occurred July 13, 2024, during one of his rallies in Pennsylvania, at the beginning of his address to his MAGA followers. As a member of the small group of marginalized American on various spectrums (race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc.), my question to the rest of America is: How am I supposed to feel?

First and foremost, I am human. Despite my love for horror and dark humor. Despite the fictional stories I read and write. Despite the jokes I drop among my friends. I am human. I do not condone actual, real violence or physical harm to anyone. However, witnessing the attack of the person heading the political charge of a party that wants to implement government policies to restrict my rights to live, leaves me deep in a pit of emotional confusion.

Many other top political figures (President Obama, Biden, and more) will state: political violence has no place in a democracy. I agree, it doesn’t. However, what is the correct course of action when there is a threat to the foundations of our democratic government in the form of an insurrection, incited by a US president who refuses a peaceful transfer of power? How do we respond when the head of an organization publicly states, “it will remain bloodless if *the other side* allows it?” What do we do, as a nation when a political party wants to gain full control of all three branches of our government to erase our freedom and replace it with a theocracy, oligarchy, or dictator? What do you tell Americans, like myself, when a political party views other humans as a threat to their platform simply for existing, or not following their religious beliefs, or values?

Consider this Scenario:

You are back in high school. You love going to school, you love learning. There is one part of your day you dread the most. Every day, you have to see your bully. They attend school every day, but you swear they only come to target you. Tease you. Mock you. Make a spectacle of you in front of their friends. Is it for fame, glory, or just to generate laughs? You don’t care, you just want it to stop. The bully sees you and immediately points out each and every one of your flaws. Your clothing. The way you talk. Your skin color. Who you love. You want to retaliate, but you know, violence is not the answer. You restrain yourself. After all, it’s just words, right? The bullying persists for many years, despite your efforts to talk to your bully (they refuse to listen), report your bully to a higher authority (they continue to acquit them). Eventually, others begin to engage in bullying you because there have been no consequences assigned before. The attacks build to a point where you no longer want to attend school and any pride you had for your school diminishes. Until one day, someone stands up and punches the lead bully in the nose. Blood pours profusely onto the floor. It’s enough to send a message to the bully and all their followers, at least you hope. Ultimately, you feel no sympathy or sorrow, only relief. Someone stood up to them. Justice, in the form of vigilante, has been served.

Yes, I know, a bully being punched in the nose is not the same as a gunshot wound. My point is, if you are being bullied and someone steps in to stop the bully in the form of violence, you may not feel sympathy for the bully. Against popular opinion, you may even feel, they deserved it. I am not stating Trump deserves to get shot. I want to strongly clarify: I have never wanted any violent harm to come to Trump, despite what he stands for. However, in the political storm to which he has brewed, and is the center of, an event like July 13th, was bound to occur.

Again, I don’t condone violence and the attack on Trump never should have happened. According to the news, Trump is safe and doing well. As a human, I am happy he is ok. But, I believe I speak on the behalf of most of the marginalized Americans who have been targets of similar bullies all their life, and witnessed these attack intensify since the 2016 election. When the political party Trump represents refuses to ban guns, but is quick to ban civil rights. How are we supposed to feel about this assassination attempt, knowing it will not change the narrative of Trump’s party, or followers?