Knitting to Calm Anxiety

At the beginning of quarantine, I happened upon the trend that was the Harry Styles cardigan. People posted TikToks, Instagram photos, and YouTube tutorials showing their version of the now-iconic knit sweater.

Since my Harry-obsessed sister’s birthday was coming up, I decided to take on a new project: learning how to knit - hopefully becoming skillful enough to gift her with the cardigan.

Little did I know that this new project would become something I do every day and has improved my symptoms of anxiety.

Graciously, JW Anderson had released the PDF pattern for the sweater...but it was too complicated for me at this point. I didn’t exactly know where to start.

This was when I found the channel, RJ Knits on Youtube. He clearly displays how to begin - what a knit is, what a purl is, how to cast on, how to cast off, and all the stuff you would need to know.

I learned that starting with a light color yarn and bamboo knitting needles is the best for beginners. The light color helps you see the stitches, and the bamboo helps with friction so your work doesn’t just slip right off. So with pastel pink yarn, I was ready to start.

It took me about a week just to feel comfortable with the knitting needles in my hand. But, I was determined and had time on my side, so even with messing up countless times, I continued to work towards my goal.

After I learned how to knit, how to purl, and how to combine the two, I decided it was time for my first real project...no more swatches.

I started to make a little knit top. For some reason, I thought making my own pattern would be easier...it was not; which is the reason why the top doesn’t exactly fit or lineup right. But still, I was very proud to have a finished product! I was not even close to mastering the skills or even having a wearable piece, however, I was still ecstatic that I was able to make something from nothing.

After this half-success, it was time to take on the Harry Styles JW Anderson Cardigan. There were some videos and channels that helped me work through it since the stitches are a bit complicated for a beginner:

• Craft Together
• To Be So Kat
• Sophia Gao

These videos were really helpful for me to feel comfortable while knitting, and gave me reassurance that I was on the right path.

After knitting to the movies Pride and Prejudice, Jane, Chemical Hearts, Rebel in the Rye, a season of Normal People, and Jack Ryan…I was only halfway done.

Her gift came about two weeks after her birthday, but when I showed her my progress she was so excited nonetheless.

After hours upon hours of knitting, my fingers becoming slightly callused, lots of iced coffee, and my increasing comfortability with the needles, I finally finished the cardigan.

I am especially proud of how the Jacquard red and black squares turned out.

Though looking back, there are things I would change (like the incredibly long sleeves), I am so grateful that I started knitting. Working with something tactile has helped me relax after a workday to calm my anxiety. Rather than going on social media after class, I would pick up my knitting needles to fully let go of the stress that was (is?) Zoom classes.

I found a new medium to express my creativity which I never would have thought to start if the situation were different.

I surely wouldn’t have thought I had time to learn a new skill.

But I found that I should always make time. I should make time to challenge myself creatively, to give back to myself by de-stressing and calming my anxiety, and to unlock my eyes from staring at the blue-light screens.

Now, regardless of how busy I am, I will always pick up my knitting needles before going to bed. I have made so many more projects and have hundreds of ideas. And I can only continue to improve with practice and effort.