Unforgivable

R emember the blades of grass

Gently brushing against the palms of your hands

Remember your feet barely touching the ground

Remember running across fields

That stretched as far as we could see

Nothing was better than the sound of your laugh

Floating in the air around us

Remember your yellow raincoat

And the Appaloosa you named Cheese

Remember counting long lines of fence posts

On perfect days we both thought would last forever

In that long ago time

Before daddy lost his fight in the back bedroom

Of the old white house where we were born

Remember how I tried to take care of you

I was too young, and you were even younger

Remember the tiny pianos

I drew in black ink on our arms

Remember the imaginary songs we played

Sitting cross legged on the old porch

Where momma use to rock us in her chair

Remember how you looked up at me with hazel eyes

believing I could keep you safe

I almost did, I swear, I thought I could

Remember the last day we had together

When the sun shone down from the sky

When hell came down the road, from dust clouds rising

Behind a sheriff's car with lights flashing on top

Remember how our lives crumbled

In the sound of Daddy’s shotgun, going off

Remember how I carried you from the house

With your screams still ringing inside my ears

Remember where we ended up

In the diner daddy took us to sometimes

I was scared, and you were just hungry

You didn’t understand, about what you did

But I knew the police were coming

You were only five years old, I had to protect you

You heard too many of the words, I said

Why did I ever leave Daddy's gun leaning in the corner?

I had to let them send me away

I had to let them take you

I wrote letters for twenty years with nothing ever coming back

Now that I'm free, they won't tell me where you are

I know, you have a new life, a better life

I don't want to mess that up

I'm not asking to take that away

I just want to know for a minute

Even a second that you're okay

Life doesn't begin at five, those are pretty big years

Remember I was your first five, remember I loved you

Because I remember you every time, I close my eyes

I remember the last time I was with you

You were eating pancakes

Covered with syrup and whip cream

With a whole strawberry on top

And police cars were pulling up

Outside

This poem was inspired by the Netflix movie The Unforgivable