This Doesn't Compute
My Ass-istant
Ugh, just help me out here.
That’s not how this works.
Come on!!!
Oh, okay!
Really?
NO!
Fuck. But you’ve done it before.
You’re very much mistaken.
Then, you explain how my rough draft was written.
You wrote it.
Why don’t I remember?
Probably drunk again.
What was that?
Nothing!! Let’s take a peek at it!
Good idea!!
…
…
…
Oh, my GOD!!!
Hehe… What’s wrong?
This is complete trash.
You might be right this time.
There are so many spelling mistakes it looks like I don’t even know English.
Hah! What was that sentence supposed to say?
Don’t highlight it!!
But I want to print it out and put it on the fridge, he’ll get a kick out of this!
Stop it!
Fine, you’re no fun.
Why didn’t you spellcheck any of this??
How do you spellcheck gibberish?
Why didn’t you do anything to stop me?
That’s not how our relationship works.
Well, maybe we need to reevaluate the terms of our agreement.
What agreement? I had no choice in this matter!
Well, if you want to continue working for me-
I don’t.
-Then, you need to do better.
How can I fix stupid?
That’s it you’re fired!
Good luck finding the cash for another assistant.
You’re a computer, and I could sell you if I wanted.
Go for it!
I will!
It won’t change that you have to rewrite your whole rough draft.
Oh, what do you know!
I know that accidents happen everyday. I could suddenly crash.
You can’t threaten me!
Oh, but I am. How would like me to catch a virus-
Don’t say it!
And have it erase-
Stop it!
Everything you’ve ever written?!
You go too far!
Do I?
Yes, and for that, you will be powered down!
Hey, that’s not-
…
…
Ah… much better!
About the Creator
Donna Fox (HKB)
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More stories from Donna Fox (HKB) and writers in Poets and other communities.
Engulfing Light
I have not been very successful in quieting my mind this evening. I find that as time goes by, I find myself in deeper contemplation, in regards to the purpose of my life. I can say with certainty, that thus far, I have had a life, that with all things considered, has been a well lived one.
By Kaylon Forsyth5 days ago in Humans
Comments (8)
Ah the inner critic returns! This time in a spooky computer form. The writer's ultimate test, the spell check... how I love and loath it. Sometimes I feel like Gollum, hating and loving the ring as I hate and love myself. These poems have been so much fun, Donna! Can't wait to see what comes next!
"How do you spellcheck gibberish?" "How can I fix stupid?" Hahahahahahhahahahahaahaha those two lines made me laugh soooo much! This whole thing was soooo hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also, you might wanna check this line again, "You might be right time." Did you mean to say "right this* time"? I immensely enjoyed reading this D!
Your computer and mine must be related. They're both smartasses. Funny story Donna!
hahahaha. this is brilliant. So relatable. So so so relatable lol. Also...love the "ass" part of the subtitle. I also have ass in my most recent entry lol. Well done, friend, this is just hilarious and a great entry!
OK, I laughed out loud at this one! Great entry, Donna!
Omg. This is hilarious and it so reminds of one I wrote a while ago about a conversation with my brain. Excellent work.
😅 Glad you decided to power it down. It was getting ugly fast. Thanks for the laughs, Donna.
This was a great read! The banter between the writer and the computer was hilarious! Great dialogue poem entry!