The love died; the hate will fade

Suddenly the truth washed over me

A four later word… hate

I’d never so much as uttered the word

In the same sentence as your name

I wondered if I’d ever stop loving you

Years on, the feeling continued to grow

And just as my love reached its crescendo

Spontaneous combustion

Bestowed the gift of sight

Apollo’s divine intervention turned darkness into light

Clearing away the hazy fog of blind love

Leaving nought, but memories of the times you fucked up

All the times, YOU lied

Yes, YOU!

YOU lied over and over and over again

Do you even realise THAT IT WAS YOU, WHO WAS THE LIAR?

Are you so deluded by the illusion of your own grandeur

Your proclamation of purity and innocence and LOVE above all

You were never innocent

Who the FUCK were you kidding?

…me, clearly

Remember when we first started going out

You told me you saw us growing old together

Marriage, me as the father of your children

You asked me what names I’d give our children

You told me my names sucked and yours were better

Remember all that bullshit?

And remember soon after, that time you caught up with your ex

And told me if I felt uncomfortable, you wouldn’t see him

Because you’d “never” put what we had in jeopardy?

Do you remember our plans to spend that night together

You only wanted to catch up with him for an hour or so

Assured me you were only ever a phone call or sms away

I didn’t need any convincing, but found your efforts sweet

Projecting your faults onto me, first time of many

Do you remember not replying to my messages hours later

When we had planned to meet

Do you remember then switching your phone off altogether?

Do you remember you told me Sorry

That nothing happened

There was nevera good time to respond in those 5 hours

You do realise how fucking stupid that sounded right

Or did you simply not give a fuck enough to be honest with me?

You told me you didn’t want to be rude

That I had nothing to worry about and needn’t make a big deal out of your disappearance

Do you remember that?

Do you remember the very next day you broke up with me?

How quickly you changed your tune, Liar

Then a day later, after seeing I was coping just fine,

You told me you’d made a mistake

What happened, Liar, didn’t he want you back after all?

Do you remember the next time we split up

How quickly you were sliding into the DM’s of eligible prospects

Little Miss Shyness who never parties

Angling to be whisked away by a guy you just met for a beach getaway?

Slithering into focus of another snake who sought to bed you the moment your then partner’s back was turned

Is that the same pure, innocent love you claim as your badge of honour

As if your version of love makes you holier than thou

How quickly you were looking for another guy to fuck?

True love hey? Pure and innocent, just like the care bears?

I didn’t know there was a “Delusional Low Self-esteem Gaslighting Slut” Bear

I looked at porn a few times, I crossed that boundary of yours

I owned that, spent years reassuring you that you were more than enough

Explaining it was about me not you

Just something to reduce anxiety

Acknowledging my selfishness

You know how good I was for you

You know how much fun and excitement we had

Your paranoia, constant jealousy over no one and nothing

You had me walking on eggshells

Waking up in the middle of the night to find you on my laptop

Waking up to you with my phone in your hand

And my hand in your other hand as you were using my fingerprint to unlock my phone

Both devices I’d already given you unrestricted access to

How funny was it when you installed spyware on my laptop to monitor for clues

Then complained about it being a waste of money

Because I wasn’t hiding anything from you

Another case cracked, Sherlock Holmes does it again

Remember how you’d accuse me of ogling women

….the women on posters whenever we’d drive past a billboard

Remember how you’d flip out over things like the one time I googled a female singer

Or, for saying nothing more than goodnight to a relatives significant other

(Whilst in your presence)

I’d do anything to reassure you that my love was true

That I only had eyes for you

I should have been asking myself if you only had eyes for me

How quickly you’d jump ship whenever the road was rocky

How quickly you’d jump on to another dick

Then you’d remember how much fun we’d have and run back quick

Remember the next time we split

When you fucked one, or was it two guys

That you’d been working with

Then you told you couldn’t stop thinking about me

That you wanted me back and couldn’t live without me

Then told me you wanted a fresh start on a clean slate

Right before you told me about the wannabe Arnie posers you attached your wagon to

Seeking to please, like a groupie whose self-worth is affirmed when the drummer throws them a bone

And do you remember

That even after that

How I sourced all the gear you required

Drove you far from home

Worked together, amongst two guys you hooked up with on our break

To enable you to pursue your creative endeavours

Do you think you’d ever love someone that much?

Pure and innocent, my arse, LIAR

Do you remember how I’d drive you all across the state so you could chase your dreams

Do you remember me driving you to the supermarket

So you could get the ingredients to bake a cake

Do you remember how I then drove you and your fucking cake to work the next day

The cake you made for a guy you barely new

And I picked you up afterwards

How often I’d wait in my car for you

Amazing girlfriend material

When it was on your terms

Do you realise how much you’re exactly like other women in all the ways

You claim your not?

Remember before we started you broke up with that guy and messaged me

Telling me we should hang out

See? I was also another cock for you to jump onto

Delusional social climbers do that

We had the most amazing of days

Remember I baked you cookies

We played table tennis like we always said we would

Do you remember the trophies and certificates I made for us?

Do you remember asking me to come to that party later that night?

Do you remember messaging me the day after telling me

Sorry you got back with your ex

Only to then message me days later saying you’d made a mistake

And couldn’t stop thinking of me

Do you remember our first big project together

You told me you'd never been afforded such an opportunity

That no one had ever believed in you like I did

Are you still performing? Are you still creating?

Do you think you'll ever find another who'll create with you side by side?

We held each others hand as we stepped outside our comfort zones

I was your biggest supporter, as you were mine

I don't believe you'll find what we had again

Ask yourself, are you growing bigger or have you shrunk into a spectator watching from the sidelines?

You were born to perform, to make, to create

Instead of us working towards healing childhood trauma, you got scared and threw it all away

The audacity to believe your capacity to love, and be loved has no peer

You’ve mistaken your deepest fear of lacking and losing love for so long

Your beliefs so deeply ingrained you’re convinced they are the only truth

Love isn’t measured by how much pain you endure when you feel hurt

I’m sorry for everything you went through at an age where we’re still powerless

I’m sorry that such a beautiful and sensitive soul endured unspeakable trauma

I’m sorry for my ugly words

I know you’re not a “slut”, sometimes I now see you as pathetic

You’re broken and empty, a lost little girl removed from reality

Do you understand how fucked in the head you are

You’re sick and you need help

Do you understand the emotional damage your lies caused

The immense hatred and anger I harboured against myself as a result

Your parting gift to me

Only taking off once your next runway was cleared for landing

Fuck your delusions, you don’t have a fucking clue what love is

You were everything I’d ever wanted and needed

Or at least the version of you that acted out the part was

Fuck I was good to you

All of my love, support and time I gave you

You told me I was your everything

All you ever wanted, all you’d ever needed

I spent years reassuring you, reminding you

Affirming my love for you, building you up

Giving you the constant positive reinforcement you begged for 24/7

To infinity and beyond and back again, huh?

I’d rather send you to infinity and beyond, the end

As far away as I could ever get from you

2 and a half years an empty, hollow man

Sick with guilt, remorse and anger towards myself

Unwavering belief I’d destroyed the best thing I’ll ever know

Immobilized, besides regressing to a state before the years I spent working on myself

Never a negative word about you has left my lips

Defended you to the death when told I demonstrated Beaten Wife Syndrome

Today I woke up, YOU GASLIGHTED ME!

Liar! Liar! Liar!

It was you all along

I gave everything anyone ever could to support you, to help you heal

You made a token effort to get help, heal your own trauma

Clap, clap, clap - you chose unhappiness and pain

I know you, my former amor, endearingly stubborn

It was easier to blame me than face your own shit

You gave me everything and then ripped me off like a band aid

Do you remember how you told me you wanted me back

How you loved me and couldn’t live without me

Was it days before or days after those lies

That you were emailing your ex

Confessing your white picket fenced dreams of having his kids

Liar!

Delusional, Liar!

You cut me so fucking deep

You killed my career

It’s been 2 and a half years since I saw you

You sent me to hell and stole 2 and a half years of my life

I gave up on life, everything I’d ever wanted when it was all in arms reach

I hope one day I’ll become the driven, relentlessly ambitious man I’d become

Before I met you

You cut me deep, Liar

Finally, my love died a swift death

I hate you for all the pain you caused with your lies and deluded bullshit

I hope someday it eats you alive, realising it was you who threw it all away

The one person who adored and matched your creative energy

Thankfully, the hate I feel towards you will fade

As will you, from my memory

I’ll forget just how good we were

How exciting, inspiring and fulfilled we were

I thought I’d never find a way to let you go

Funny now that I’d happily throw you out to sea

You told me and I agreed

The person I hurt the most would be me

Now I see the truly broken and sad person you really are

Maybe I’ll never find someone who is all the best things I saw in you

But I now know that one day you’ll feel sick over me

And realise you never owned your own pain

You never took responsibility for how you felt

My hate will fade soon and I’ll detachedly hope you find the help you need

I wonder if you’ll ever take a good look at your reflection to see who you truly are

Keeping alive this version of pure, innocent love you’ve convinced yourself that You embody

I see You, I really do

You are destined to repeat the same viscous cycle over and over and over again

Repeating the same old pattern of intense all-encompassing love

Followed by the pain that suffocates, imprisons and cuts you deep

It will eat at you piece by piece until all that is left is bitterness, hurt and regret

And then you’ll find another cock to jump on to fill the emptiness inside you

And you’ll see yourself marrying him and convince him of such

Like Groundhog Day, doomed again to repeat your pain

Maybe I’ll be alone forever

Maybe these sentiments are how I finally overcome the hurt you left behind

Maybe we experience the same fear of abandonment and trust issues

Just expressed in our own ways

But what I do know is this newfound hatred I have for you

Will fade from memory

And eventually I’ll see you, just how you see me

You’ll mean literally nothing

No love, no hate, nothing

Until then, thanks for nothing, you hurtful liar.