I feel as though I failed a monumental spiritual task
That my my chance to bask in the warm glow of divinity
My chance to be an ascended master
I fell off the highest timeline
I was not true to myself
I did not follow my heart
I felt myself being buried
and that was signal that I was ready to be carried
to the Promised Land
I was daunted but i should have went
It was so much
But i regret it each day
When will we have another such chance?
When can we share our love for one another?
Will the divine give us another chance?
Or have I wracked up tremendous karma?
Please Spirit tell me what I have to do to correct this terrible mistake!
So that i may be with my one and only
I know what you must be thinking,
The apprentice has let down the ascended master
The indigo child has ruined the teacher's magical moment that was a millenia in the making.
I know I know know.
The trainee has tarnished it...
The intern has dropped the ball...
These are all valid
Is there any way i can make it up?
Is there still an "us" somewhere up there?
Do you still care? Even a little bit?
Even a shred?
Please, give me one last chance
It's crazy how much my life revolved around your nuances.
Maybe you will find another me
But I won't find another you
Maybe you'll find someone who is perfect like you
Who does everything they're supposed to do
The first time around
They are the person i want to be.
I hope you find that person so that you can be happy
Now i realize
I came to earth to transform
Not to remain the same like seemingly everyone else
And that there was no other way
I don't like that part of me who just stood there like a thief in the night
That is not me
I know I could do better
It makes no sense to continue holding out for yet another miracle
I simply must accept the terrible decision i made and its consequences
And go with the flow
Who knows what it will be
My heart lies with you and serbia
With the last few remaining survivors
To make jasenovac well known is my soul mission
And even though I faltered
I simply can't let go
I will keep trying
In my own haphazard way
Without the blessing of the angels
To let down those 3 wise men in belgrade
Hurts me almost as bad as letting you down
I promised i wouldn't let them down
I loved you like I loved my precious mission
Then i realized when I looked into your eyes
That all this time i didn't even know what love even is
As your immensely and otherworldly powerful love caught me by surprise.
I got caught in that awful trap called the mind
Instead of running into your arms
And cementing eternity
I kept wondering.
That is not me!
I shout. The weak pathetic girl standing foolishly holding a coffee in the lobby.
That is not me.
But I must reckon with the facts.
In that moment
I was her.
So i must take full responsibility.
Of course that was the worst mistake in my soul's million years progression
It feels as though it was equivalent to killing 10 million people.
I shudder.
How could you?
It always comes back to...
You know better...you know better...
Don't let others drag you down
Don't let others energies pull you down!
Stop acting the sad clown!
I fell into the deepest of depressions
Herumph, i deluded myself in the slumber of life
Not realizing that the universe is made of potent powerful energies
And that i am just a speck of their magical story
That they have graciously weaved
Me into
Usually I am the one to intimidate others
But not this time
But I am not them
I am me
And I know better...
My soul mission is on life support
I only wanted to help them
To make their pain heard, understood
And that thing I struggle with the most...
Transmuted
I stood face to face with the last survivor
Of jasenovac
I felt her pain
But now I feel nothing
I need to return to serbia once more
It still calls my forlorn soul
Once more
Once more...
To see what happens
To see if this strange dream comes true
Although i know this wasn't the way it was supposed to be
What can I do now?
Except move on
Buy another plane ticket
And see my soul tribe
I suspect it will be the last time
I've always felt the race of completing it while the last ones are still alive
They are like you
Living angels
Somehow I have a feeling you know about all this
And I don't need to tell you
You are far beyond a mere mortal
The 3 wise men once called me an angel
What will I tell them now?
Do they know?
This angel hasn't earned her wings
She is out for the count
but her human heart is still beating
and only because of that she must keep living
About the Creator
Mkat
...on the spiritual path...
om
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Comments (1)
This is an inspiring tale. Long but worth it.