Stream of Consciousness
You Never Cease To Amaze Me
You never cease to amaze me with how much pain you can bring me, nearly a year since I moved to follow your dream… and I'll admit I chased you. I wanted to be healed enough to support your dream and I really thought I was. Even if that meant absorbing mine and pushing past the discomfort of pursuing someone elses dream that didn't quite fit or even went against ones own souls beckon call. I believe now that the issue lay with you- you weren't done adding new wounds to not just me, but also yourself. You didn't have your goals alligned, nor the vulnerability to understand with reward comes sacrifice. Instead, like a true Aries, you paraded yourself around as the tough guy, fire ablaze with passions on the line, willing to take down anything and anyone that stood in your way. When in reality you were small, meak, full of disillusionment and too defeated that all you could do was throw a fit when the world and me didn't serve up your cake on a golden platter, dressed to the nines or in your preference- not clothed at all. You wanted me and everyone else in your network to bare it all, naked, raw and vulnerable. You constantly held expections for people to be authentically themselves... until their authentic was no longer appealing to you, "boring" you would often dub your latest conquest. Reducing all those around you to characters, pawns, players in your world. Supporters, lovers, fuck toys, comfort providers, usables that were in fact flushable... you washed us all down the drain the second our 'genuine' didn't conform to your amusement. The stupid ones like myself attempted to people please our way back into your appeals. We'd hold up large signs screaming like ditzy cheerleaders for you, bent the way we lived our lives to better fit yours; some sort of twisted delusion all our own to try and work with you? For you? Knowing somewhere deep inside it would never ever be enough and that chasetisment from you would be right around the corner, brandishing our attempts, telling us how foolish we were to break our genuine to try and fit yours, that that wasn't attractive, sexy, appealing. Reversing what the entire attempt we did was made to do. Instead we fell farther and farther apart.
By Hayley Matto6 months ago in Poets
Psychopomp
Maniacal whimsy. The ones who seek eternal flame. The ones who will sacrifice the young all for their moment of youth. To reach the finish line and go back. To reach the top and then turn around. Forever is not infinite. Permanent is not here to stay. I cannot desert you nor can I wish you well. Watching the world die while I carry on alone is not a worthwhile endeavor. I didn't sign up for this burden to be so heavy. Ungrateful creatures, you cannot stand the test of time. You haven't lived enough to see such heartache and madness. You haven't witnessed such cruel and malicious intent. To return from the dead with an immortal captain at the helm. To steer through tough seas and harsh tides. I follow the egomaniac as a loyal follower. Imprisoned in search of a dying soul. The waters of this wretched planet have no use for you anymore. A cursed wind to the tree of life. But all the trees are dead so there is only one last hope. You burned the garden and all its remaining majesty. To kill for a second more of life. To jettison pieces of your worth for fragments of eternity. To reach the standards of godliness but there are no winners. I, your shepherd, guide you to your demise. You are grateful now. I have delivered you unto your fate. You claim the prize, a life uninterrupted. I am set aside so you can roam alone as you please. I pity your welfare. I see the end, you see nothing. Which is worse? To surrender or fight until the battle is won? To reach the end or to realize there is none?
By Anna Torres6 months ago in Poets
Greek Fire
Heights are exhilarating. The fall is supreme. Accelerating higher and higher until I can no longer see. I imagine the fall to be forgiving but it is my fear that will be my undoing. Relentless, gravity is my enemy. I struggle against the forces that seek to claim reign over me. You don't define me, you cannot have me. Plummeting like an arrow, the pavement greets me. There is no going back, we will never be free. Don't look down in case you lose your nerve. In case you lose your appetite, you might get what you deserve. I watch myself soar above the Greek fire. An elaborate spectacle, full of arrows I've admired. A soothing death meant to end my suffering. I don't believe in reincarnation. We won't return once we leave. I lament my fragile broken wings. Jumping off buildings just isn't the same thing. I crave a doubtless display of constant energy. A sudden surge of adrenaline with no hesitation, no apathy. But I can't undo all of my past mistakes. All I never accomplished, all my agony creates. I covet angel rust and fairy dust. Will I rise above the mundane? Is regret a must? Heights never frightened me. It's the fall that scares the hell out of me. A leap of faith into glorious legend. If I must fail first, then I hope I will be the one to rise again after all this
By Anna Torres6 months ago in Poets