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Healing
A return of sorts to Vocal and life
You haven't seen me for a minute
The truth is I needed healing
Let's run it back to the beginning
2019 I was diagnosed with bi-polar 2
Now all of my drama had a name
I wasn't insane
Problem
The therapist and psychologist weren't listening
Gave me meds that gave me side effects
that made me feel crazy
Here's the thing no one mentions the truth no one with a mental health issue is crazy
The chemicals in our brains are a lil off balance
We can be kind of a challenge
They kept talking about the dosage being right for someone of my age, height, and weight instead of listening to me when I'd say I'm sensitive to medication
They'd gaslight me so I believe them
Okay they're the experts
My mind went on a holiday
During this time I was taking advantage of by so-called family
I'm still not comfortable to say out loud what he did
Everyone made excuses
Drugs are an addiction
He didn't mean it
It almost happened to someone else she was saved her father wasn't well came home early
Their home turned to hell
Everyone turned toward me
Why didn't you say what kind of monster he was knowing his truth
I shouted, screamed
He's family
He wouldn't do that to you
That's when I learned the sad truth
No one believed me
It had nothing to do with family
My fat equalled undesired
But the darkness rooted inside of him needed power and control
Nothing to do with me, my body, or soul
Or he'd remember the word others kept clinging to: family
As if it means something anymore
Funny how everyone wanted to cut this person out when it wasn't me
Happy she's free of PTSD, trauma, and doesn't have to wonder if family is family or a coating to step over boundaries and cross blood red lines
2020-2022 pandemic allowed me to cut everyone loose
It wasn't until now that I felt the need to reemerge
May came I was hella drained life without meds had a effect too
Who knew I'd get so wrapped up in my head, stressed out, afraid of life, years passed by
I got diagnosed with a mild case of agoraphobia.
Nah I'm just an introvert
people drain me whenever I leave the house
New therapist said fear of going out is the reason you've got this new title
I'm not a person who does well with change
I changed too much in the last few years
Quit my ghostwriting job
Bam pandemic
We'll write ourselves
We've got time
The money I had saved
Stolen by the thief that robbed more than my peace
I tried to get back to life
I couldn't do it
Getting up was too hard
Eating was once again
the only thing I could control, ballooned and yo-yo'd back up after losing 60 pounds
Why must I do this merry go around
June is gone
I'm still in the same place
I'm going though it
July I managed to shower and clean up
Somehow 2022 ended without me noticing
Now we're here in another summer and it's 2023
This time I haven't promise myself anything
I'm lover of plans
I make a lot
They often fall apart
Because some times I go dark
I think I'll try just healing
I want you to know if you're anything like me
I see you
Let's not worry about how many days we can last
Let's just raise up to the task
Healing in our own pace and time
About the Creator
Jordan Sky Daniels
90s kid
Flower child
I rise with the moon
My pen flows
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Comments (8)
I'm sorry about what you've been through, this has to be so hard! ❤️ heal on your timeline
I didn't know you were agoraphobic too! I also don't do well with changes and I love making plans! We're a lot more similar than I thought. I hope you're doing better now!
I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through, Jordan! I absolutely love the honesty in this piece, it’s heartbreaking yet hopeful. I particularly love this line: “I think I'll try just healing” Thank you for sharing this with us! 💫💞🦋
Sending big, big love. 💓 Thank you for writing and sharing this piece. 💓
Profound and Incredibly written piece ❤️😉📝❗
This is incredible writing - honest, raw, deep and real! I'm sorry you've been through all that! I'm glad you have kept going and love the hopeful end to your poem! instant subscription!
Sad, yet hopeful!!! Loving the last two lines!!!❤️❤️💕
We got you Baby Girl/Glowing Woman/Righteous Daughter. I meant it when I said I'd missed you and I can feel your presence right now. You will come through this. Love your way.