How To Stay Positive When Life Does Not Go To Plan

Before making any suggestions, it is important to stress one undeniable fact: No one promised us only the good life when we were born. We can modify what comes at us through knowledge, self-belief and confidence but we can seldom prevent the unexpected.

If life isn’t working out as you thought, it could be because you have been doing one, or more, of of these things:

A. Trying to control your life in every single way to get the ideal life you seek, without any flexibility, and are probably coming unstuck every time because life is not as we make it. Life will always please itself, no matter what plans we already have! That is why we have natural disasters, and death, that can strike at any time. We have no control over those, so planning the ideal life is pretty futile because it is unlikely to go exactly as we believe it will. Something unexpected is likely to happen along the way, and it won’t always be good! That's the simple nature of the life we lead.

B. Not accepting life as it is but trying to impose the limited world of your imagination and your fear onto it. But if you LET GO off the fears and just live, you would be amazed at the surprises you could get, way beyond your wildest dreams. For example, the author of Harry Potter, J K Rowling, had the most amazing self-belief about her ideas. She thought her books were going to be very successful, regardless of the rejections she got, and the hard times she was experiencing. She just continued doggedly to write her books, telling herself positive thoughts about her future, despite not having any evidence of the good life she was dreaming of. The rest is history, thanks to her confidence, positivity and faith. If someone had told her that she would make half a billion pounds within seven years, she would not have believed it. But that’s what happens when you are positive, and with the faith to carry that positivity. The Universe often works wonders.

C. You are plagued by fear. You hope for good things to happen to you but, deep down, there is no belief that they will; no faith that they will eventually materialise, and then you tend to fear the worst. Not surprisingly, you get little to smile about because you cannot build positive things from negative thoughts! It's just not possible. That would be like getting up in the morning telling yourself over and over how hard things are, and you can’t do anything about it, then expecting your life to change for the better! But you would have willed yourself into a negative state that would demotivate you and prevent you from actually doing anything to help yourself. All you will have is more fear.

D. You are seeking perfection, either in yourself or what you do, but as nothing in life is perfect, it’s a futile effort and nothing keeps happening the way you expect. You are probably comparing yourself to others and thinking that you are worthless or inadequate compared to them; or are even afraid of experimenting, taking risks or making mistakes. But all those actions are necessary for success.

Life goes up and down in a natural cycle so that everything is only ever temporary, no matter what it is. We have to learn to accept the cycle of life because when we fight against it, all we are likely to have are disappointment, frustration and trauma. Hence we all have a choice regarding our lives. We can either live it each day with an open mind and positive thoughts, expecting miracles while doing our best, or we can be as negative as we like, complain a lot, live in fear, do nothing, and get nothing different. The choice is yours.

However, if you wish to change your outlook and perception to a more positive one, you would need to change your routine HABITS!

The daily habits that we cling to for security, and use over and over without even thinking, are what keeps us cemented to either low self-esteem or high self-assurance. Habits keep us stuck in the same groove if we do not change them, which just keep yielding the same results. To get rid of the worst habits that keep you feeling disappointed and frustrated, you need to examine which habits you use for the following aspects of your life:

1. Your focus of attention: Do you tend to just notice only the mistakes you make, or the things that go wrong? Or notice your supposed weaknesses while ignoring your strengths? Those habits would be all negative and would do nothing to uplift you. Start focusing on your positive attributes, begin the process of self-appreciation, and try to affirm yourself and your successes as often as you can, to remind yourself of your capabilities.

2. Belief in your abilities and competencies: Do you tend to dismiss what you're good at and pretend that everyone is better than you? That's a habit to ditch immediately because everyone has their own strengths. You are as good as anyone else. You need to build that self-belief by getting the necessary knowledge and training to boost your skills/qualifications. Self belief is the most powerful attribute to carry you through life because it affirms your worthiness, your value, and your talents. It also encourages others to value you, too. If you keep putting yourself down, how can anyone else appreciate you?

3. Your vocabulary: What kind of words do you usually use when you speak to your self and others? Are they just negative words that make you feel awful? Words that make you feel worthless and undervalued? Are they mainly gloomy words that do nothing for your spirit and motivation? Change that habit today. Start using words that extend your abilities and warm you with appreciation instead of words that put you down. Make your words more positive and focused.

4. Feeling of insecurity, desire to control: You are probably full of fear, which is the basis of low self esteem. If all you do is fear without trusting, how can you feel good about life or yourself? Try to encourage more flexibility in your routine actions. Stop trying to control everything you do and just let go in faith and trust that everything will be all right, if you do your best and let life do its own thing. Ditch the habit of limited thinking and dream outside your narrow box at what is possible.

5. Your ways of doing things: If you tend to do the same thing over and over, yet still feel disappointed with life, try to get out of the limited way of seeing and acting and widen your horizons. Detach yourself from your rigid comfort zone and take up challenges in the areas you like. Why not try something new each week, or each month, and see what you have achieved by the end of a year? You could amaze yourself.

6. Replacing anger and resentment with positivity: Change your habit of just seeing the negatives in your life, and being resentful of what isn’t working for you. Focus more on GRATITUDE, APPRECIATION and VALUING others. Don’t take them for granted, otherwise they won't care about you, either. Try to be more understanding, trusting, compassionate and encouraging.

7. Change your routine actions: Do something different each day. Why not join clubs, dating apps, learn new skills, read more, or take up a sport, whichever one suits your needs? New activities help you to meet new people, they increase your enjoyment of life and give you a sense of achievement and satisfaction. They also allow you to begin to appreciate yourself and your life in a much more positive way.

In essence, staying positive in the face of disappointments simply means changing what doesn't work in your mindset and approach; changing the negative habits around the areas mentioned above, or others that are not helping you, and see the difference!

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