Day 4 of My 40 Day Fast: I Was Under a Love Spell for Years - Part 3

The sourness on my tongue has arrived. I absolutely detest this taste. Over time it gives me the ick. I figured out during my last fast that brushing my mouth in the morning AND night helps to lessen it.

The more I research fasting the more I realize how little we know about it. I’ve learned to trust only those who have fasted. I looked into why the tongue turns sour during fasting. What makes the most sense to me is that the body, which is usually in an alkaline state, becomes acidic during fasting while the body is purging toxins and repairing damaged cells. The longest I’ve fasted is 21 days and the sour tongue did not leave. It’s made breaking the fast unpleasant, because for a couple days everything I put into my mouth has a tart tinge.

Someone reported that the taste on the tongue leaves towards the end of a long fast, which is generally 30 to 40 days. A sign the body has finished purging and repairing. Typically one can break their fast at this point. I’m interested in experiencing this, because I’ve never reached that point before. However, I’m being guided to stay on course and complete the 40 days as this fast is for spiritual purposes.

Day four is when my energy wanes, but it’s also just before my body kicks into ketosis - when the body breaks down stored fat into ketones and uses it for fuel.

I woke up feeling weak this morning and drank more than the usual amount of water to feel better. During fasting I drink about two litres of water in the mornings, and this morning I drank two and a half litres. Of course I drink water throughout the day, particularly when my energy falls or any feelings of hunger arise.

You can read why I’m fasting and being public about it by clicking the story below.

This story is a continuation of my last two posts. Click on the stories below to catch up!

There was a lot that happened in that relationship and it would fit into a book. I can look back and see the toxicity I was clueless about when I was in it. I was under a lot of delusion.

When I left that relationship the first time it wasn’t just because the love spells had lifted, and I no longer had feelings. I was in complete denial about that. It was also because he had always been adamant that he didn’t want to marry or have children with me. I was always adamant that one day I wanted a husband and children. We both knew eventually the relationship would end, and we’d go our separate ways. I was 20 and he was 22 when we got together, and because we were young it made sense to not be so serious.

When the love spells lifted, through the grace of God, five years into the relationship I began initiating serious conversations with him about us. He didn’t want to let me go, but he also wouldn’t give me what I wanted.

After six years I moved to Australia and our relationship ended. As I mentioned in my last post we kept in touch. He would reach out and tell me he wanted to come out to where I was and then cry when I would hesitate. He would do this while I was at work, or out with new friends. He seemed so selfish, but I would always feel guilty because it seemed he loved me.

We got back together with the intention to move forward with our relationship. There were a lot of years invested already and I didn’t want to throw it all away so I resolved to make it work.

We moved into an apartment and it was our first time living together. I was excited about building a home. It didn’t take long to realize that I would be the only one doing that. We had nothing and I was the one who outfitted our apartment. I filled the cupboards with cups, dishes, and pots and pans. I searched online for a used couch and coordinated with his friends to get it because he showed zero interest - except to get a TV.

He worked 20 hours a week and would come home after a four hour shift, sit on the couch, smoke a joint, watch TV, and most nights would fall asleep there. He was the type of guy who skated by doing as little as he could.

I wanted to build an empire and he was simply not someone I could do that with. I thought seriously about the future I had always imagined for myself and the future I would have with him. The two were at complete odds. He was a guy I was dragging by the ear towards marriage and children.

I grew up with a hardworking dad who did everything for his family. Like a lot of women, my dad is an example of the type of man I want to marry. And the person I was with was the complete opposite.

I stayed. I worked on it. I communicated. But his actions always laid the truth bare. He would cry every time I talked about us going our separate ways. I didn’t think it then, but I wonder now if that was a manipulation tactic.

I don’t think men are weak when they cry. I have seen my dad cry. That never made me see him as weak, because I know he has a strong will. Because I grew up watching my dad, I knew the guy I was with was weak. Lower beings can manipulate a weak will.

I asked God for help.

People enter our lives for a purpose, and when their purpose is fulfilled they leave. When *Flynn burst into my life I didn’t realize right away he was God sent.

I met him at the grocery store I’d been working at since I was 17 years old. He was new and I’d seen him around a few times. Our first encounter was a little flirty, harmless, but fun and ended with me developing a crush on him. When your heart is unoccupied, it’s open for someone to come in.

My feelings for *Flynn made me realize how loveless my own relationship was. I wasn’t even sleeping with the person I was trying to build a life with. How did I get so deluded? I tried hard to ignore the feelings, but they woke me up to my situation. Would the future I was trying so hard to build make me happy? Or was I doing it for the happiness of another?

Eventually I packed everything I brought into the apartment and moved out. *Flynn was a traveller passing through my city. Having just got out of a long relationship I knew I needed to be alone for awhile, but I needed a distraction to keep me away from my ex.

Deep down I knew *Flynn’s arrival was to get me away from that relationship. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard to let go when the time came. We both knew that we were short-term, and yet we resisted.

Life becomes easier when we understand the flow of life. People and things come in, and people and things go out. I’ve learned that it’s best to let it happen rather than hold on too hard, because it’s going to happen anyway.

My ex thought I would never leave, because of the spells he put on me. That mindset makes a person unable to see what they have, which makes them take it for granted. He was bound by the spells he had put on me, because when you do black magic you invite lower beings into your life. And they were about to take him for a ride.