Why I Run?

So, I've done the Cappadocia Ultra, 63 km, twice.

Hit the Uludağ Ultra for 30 km, again, twice.

Hit the Dağyenice Ultra for 35 km.

Right now, as I'm writing this down, I've been eyeing the Uludağ Ultra 66 km race for ages.

But… Why?

Am I nuts? Missing a few screws, maybe?

Well, could be. Anyway, welcome to another piece of my mind where I'm trying to figure out stuff and hopefully, you'll get a kick out of it. No short, easy answers here, folks. I'm as clueless as anyone, but maybe, just maybe, I'll stumble upon some truths as we go along. Not just one truth, though. Man, my mind is like a Vegas wedding chapel on Valentine's Day - non-stop action and everyone's invited. Where to even start? How about we dive into how I got into this whole running gig?

How have I Got into Running?

Honestly, we're all kind of born to run, right? Think back to elementary school. Who didn't sprint out into the yard the second recess started, turning a plastic bottle into an impromptu football, or swiping pencils and erasers from each other just for the thrill of the chase… Okay, maybe that's going a bit philosophical. Not going that far back.

Oh my God! I totally forgot I even did relay races back in high school! I was just chilling with a buddy from back then and he remembered that… Wait, no, let's fast forward a bit more.

The year was 2017, a time in my life I constantly questioned. I felt alone, empty, and aimless, not really knowing where I was headed or what I was doing. I was 1.5 years out of university. A fresh Android developer. Was I any good at it? I didn't really know. Everyone seemed to expect something different from me. Was I living up to my potential? No clue.

One thing I knew for sure was that I was terrible at socializing. Felt like a ship lost at sea in the dead of night, no compass, no direction, just endless darkness. I read a lot, always have been a voracious reader. Still am, but even books weren't the remedy. They tried their best to offer me something, but maybe I just wasn't ready to receive it. I wasn't okay.

Living in Küçükçekmece, Cennet Mahallesi, Istanbul, with my dear sister Zeynep, we got by in our own little world. Our house had this weird garden. It was built on top of a garage, but you couldn't really use it as a garage, nor park a car on it, plant a tree, or even flower beds… Just a strange place, really, a concrete slab with a layer of dirt on top. But hey, it was enough for our little sprints with Şeker. "Şeker" means sugar in English.

Şeker; pure white, irresistibly cute, and sweet Russian Spaniel, with a tiny head and a long body. My nephew Efe named her when he was around 3 or 4 years old, then burst into giggles saying "sausage dooog, hihihihi" as he teased and played with our lovely dog. My journey into running stretches back to the days spent running with her in that weird garden and sometimes in the neighborhood's fenced basketball court, playing fetch and cleaning up after her.

"Let's go, girl!" I'd say, and off we'd run. Şeker, with her lovely ears flopping, drool flying onto her face and eyes, would dash after me as if there was no tomorrow. Despite her relatively small paws and short legs for a dog, she ran with all her might. Reaching the end of our garden, we'd turn around and just look at each other blankly, then she'd make the first move and I'd chase after her as if I had a horse on my tail… During these nonsensical sprints with her, for reasons I couldn't fathom, I began to enjoy the fatigue, the sweat, and the nice shower that followed.

Şeker wasn't always up for a marathon. After doing her business, she'd often just sit at one corner of our odd garden, gazing into my eyes, breathing in the air, watching birds fly by, and gently (!) chasing after the butterflies that came close. These were her little games, signs of her curiosity and her connection with nature. They were peaceful moments when she explored the world through her own eyes, tuning into the rhythm of life around her.

To make sure I didn't miss out on the whole tired, sweaty, and shower-loving routine, I started running a few laps around our garden on the days Şeker just sat there. Started with 6 laps everyday in a week, then I saw I could handle more - 8, then 10, 12, 14… I was blissfully unaware of all those running terms like pace, speed, running form, and especially that elusive 'zone' I still can't quite get right. And I wasn't sprinting as fast as when Şeker and I ran together. As far as I remember, I kept time. I'd try to finish a lap in 3–4 minutes, aiming to complete my target number of laps without stopping.

As you can see, one of the answers to the big question involves the trio of exhaustion, sweat, and showers. If you're thinking, "What am I even reading?" welcome to my writings. And yes, you're right. I'm not exactly normal.

"People think I'm crazy to put myself through such torture, though I would argue otherwise. Somewhere along the line we seem to have confused comfort with happiness. Dostoyevsky had it right: 'Suffering is the sole origin of consciousness.' Never are my senses more engaged than when the pain sets in. There is a magic in misery. Just ask any runner."

― Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner

I started wondering how I could improve my communication skills, diving into books on the subject, asking my family and people around me for advice, and scouring YouTube videos.

I started saying hello and chatting with people from different departments at work, people I'd never worked with before, trying to get to know them better. Gradually, I formed some great friendships. I even gained some precious friends I'm still close to today.

One lunch break at work, while chatting away, I found out that a colleague from another team was into running as a hobby and was planning to participate in a race in Paris. When I mentioned I liked running too, I remember her asking, "Oh, that's great! Where and with whom do you run?" I told her about my efforts to run in our home's 200x200 meter garden. Suddenly, I caught myself staring off into the distance, hearing my own voice say, "That feeling of freedom when you run… I love it." I was so suprised. Until that moment, I hadn't even realized that was a feeling I experienced.

The eyes of my dear friend lit up. She said, "Why are you running in circles in your lonely garden? There are some great running groups out there. Come with me next Tuesday evening; I'll introduce you to a really warm, welcoming, and genuine group of people." I agreed. The next Tuesday, I think it was the 22nd of November, we headed to Runarchy's route in Şişhane. And truly, I met the most warm-hearted, down-to-earth, sincere, and genuinely good people - so many wonderful qualities in them that I couldn't possibly list them all. A few years down the line, Runarchy's captain even became my witness at my wedding. I owe a huge thanks to the person who introduced me to these amazing individuals; Bahar Baltacı, the author of 'Kilometresiz,' for sending me this "poison" of joy and connection.

So, my second answer is indeed that beautiful, exhilarating sense of freedom. Especially when you hit the trails, seeing the mountains, hills, forests, rivers, birds… it feels even more uplifting. It empties all the chaos and stress inside, resetting you completely.

Medium feels like a safe space for me, a place where I can truly be myself. That's why I've chosen to open up about something here for the very first time. What I'm about to write… I can't recall ever sharing it with anyone before. It's not that it's a big secret or anything. It's just that I've been a bit hesitant, unsure about how people might react or what they would think of me.

At the workplace I mentioned earlier, a colleague who had sat next to me for a long time witnessed the transformation of Alparslan before and after he started running. One day, she told me, "Since you started running, you've become calmer, more relaxed, and funnier." I didn't know how to feel. Part of me was thrilled, but another part wanted to sink into the ground. I stopped what I was doing, turned to her, and first sincerely apologized. Then I thanked for such valuable feedback.

I pondered for a long time. Why did she say that? A few months earlier, if someone had called me "difficult to deal with," I'm sure I would have defensively responded with "Well, everyone should just mind their own business." You can ask my sister. But in that moment, if someone had made such a comment, I would have apologized and done everything in my power to resolve any issues I had inadvertently caused. Running had helped me evolve into a better version of myself. I've never forgotten that feedback. I was wondering about the damage I had done before I made any progress in life. Yet, I was also happy. I could have gone years more without experiencing this change.

Why do I run?

Looking back at how I got started, we've unearthed a few reasons. Clearly, I can't give such a long-winded response to anyone who asks me why I run. If I had to sum it up:

"My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on." - Forrest Gump (Run Forrest Run)

• For the sheer feeling of freedom,
• To improve my heart health and overall wellness,
• To give the working parts of my brain a break during the hustle,
• To escape from the concrete and exhaust of Istanbul, the indistinct crowds… to the forests, the soil, back to nature,
• For mental clarity (running is a perfect moment to clear your head and focus on making decisions),
• To boost my physical endurance,
• Because it's essentially walking, just faster, making it the simplest and most affordable hobby,
• For the sense of achievement felt crossing the finish line after months of disciplined training,
• For the community - humble, genuine people who'd sit beside a stranger during a race to ask, "Are you okay? Can I help with anything?" - a testament to unlost humanity,
• To reach inner peace (a topic deep enough to deserve its own article),
• To feel truly alive with every breath,
• To become a better version of myself,
• Because there's so much, I needed to leave behind…

So, there you have it - I run. Depending on your approach and mindset when you ask "Why do you run?", you might pick one or several of my reasons and go "Ah, that's why" and be satisfied with that.

Resources:

Koşuyorum Öyleyse Varım (Prof. Dr. Taner Damcı)