The Mauler from Meta vs. the Twitter Terminator: The Musk/Zuckerberg cage fight we need to see

They are the two most hated men in America not currently running for President. And there’s a chance they may step into the ring for a knockdown drag-out mixed martial arts battle for the world social media heavyweight champion.

It’s Elon Musk, The Twitter Terminator versus the Mauler from Meta, Mark Zuckerberg.

The Cheat has you covered with everything you need to know.

Is this for real or will it be two avatars punching it out in the Metaverse?

If it happens — and that’s a pretty big if — it would be a real-life fight conducted under the auspices of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), America’s largest mixed martial arts (MMA) organization.

How did this even start?

The way anything on the internet starts — with a little shitposting. In June, following a bit of his regular needling of Zuckerberg, Musk tweeted he was “up for a cage match if he is lol.”

Zuckerberg responded via Instagram the next day with “Send Me Location.”

Things kind of snowballed from there.

But they can’t really be serious about this, right?

At first glance, it sounded like the kind of attention-grabbing self-promoting that both men are famous for, but some claim it may actually happen. UFC President Dana White told the New York Times that, after hours of conversations with both men well that lasted well into the night, “They both want to do it.”

White claims that he, Zuckerberg, and Musk have been working out the details, including the rules of engagement, which will not be the brutal UFC regulation rules you’d see in a Connor McGregor fight. However, nothing is set in stone yet. Whether that is because they want to keep the hype train rolling for as long as possible or because they are desperately trying to find a way to back out remains to be seen.

How do they match up against each other?

At 230 lbs and standing at 6’1”, Musk has the weight and reach advantage over his 155 lb, 5’7” rival. In Zuckerberg’s favor is his age. At 39, he is considerably younger than the 51-year-old Musk.

World Powerlifting Champion Stefi Cohen helpfully posted a cheeky side-by-side of the match-up on her Instagram account.

Crucially, Zuckerberg holds a blue belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, even recently winning his first tournament. While a blue is not especially impressive in the BJJ world, being just the first step up from the white (beginner) belt, it may be plenty against an opponent said to hate even watching sports of any kind.

Zuckerberg also spent the pandemic committing to a disciplined fitness regime that also includes running, surfing, and CrossFit, which all contributed to the tight and toned physique he has been showing off in his trademark t-shirts of late.

Does Elon even stand a chance?

Apart from being a few pounds above ideal fighting weight, Musk seems fairly fit for his age. While he does not keep up the punishing regime of Zuckerberg, he has worked out a couple times a week in the past, mostly lifting weights and walking on a treadmill.

He also has ten kids. So maybe he has an extraordinary level of stamina that could come in handy in later rounds, after Zuck has tired himself out trying to lift Musk off the ground.

But, yeah, seems like he’s toast.

But do we have the actual odds?

You can gamble on anything these days, so of course we do, though I’m not naming or promoting gambling sites on here. Suffice to say that Zuckerberg, as expected, is favored to win handily.

If you want to make it interesting, though, you can get 20-to-1 on either fighter winning by knockout and a surprisingly reasonable 50-to-1 that the fight will take place in space.

So Zuckerberg will definitely win?

In a way, we all win. The 2020s have been rough. We need this. We need to see a multi-billionaire get punched in the face in front of millions of people.

In a more material way, the winners will be gambling companies, sports conglomerates, pay-per-view media outlets, and — just to restore some faith in the world — not-for-profits.

Both men have said there should be a charity component to the match, which would be ridiculously profitable. Who those charities are and what their cut will be is, like everything else about this match-up, completely unknown.

Say the fight goes ahead. Where will it happen?

Where else? Las Vegas.