I Hate Moose

I Hate Moose.

In 1993, A woman sat down to eat one of her favorite meals, Moose entrail stew. Her husband had gone hunting the week before so that he would be ready for their 30th anniversary. The first few bits melted into her mouth, it reminded her of their honeymoon when they stayed in this cabin living their rustic dream. Of course, after a few weeks they would have to descend from the Acadian forest back into civilization. This anniversary though marks the beginning of their retirement, so now they can permanently disconnect from the laurels of modern life. Reminiscing while she’s eating the stew, her teeth come into contact with something hard. She takes it out of her mouth and sees it’s a ring. Upon further inspection, she recognized the inscription on the inner part of the ring as her wedding ring that she had lost three years prior while feeding a Moose. She puts it on her ring finger on her right hand. After all, the Moose had bitten off her left.

I Hate Moose.

In 2001, Elias and Aada woke up to a beautiful Sunday morning in Laukaa. The elderly couple went about their normal morning routines, including the arduous hike down the stairs from their room. After Elias finished helping with the preparations for breakfast, he decided to get some fresh air while Aada finishes making breakfast. Standing on the porch, he smells the leftover fallen apples beginning to ferment. Reminding him, he promised little Mikael that he would bring some strawberries from his green house to church today. While picking the berries he noticed a large figure near the edge of the Orchard but ultimately paid it no mind. When Elias made it back, Aada began conspiring ways to find more excuses to see their grandbaby throughout the week outside of church. Elias joked that all the boy’s teeth would fall out if they saw him more often. They started eating their breakfast when Aada noticed a strange noise coming from outside, but Elias didn’t seem to notice so she tried to ignore it, but as it got louder and louder she looked at Elias and said “Do you hear something?” right as a Moose smashed into the kitchen.

After the police stopped the Moose, they entered the house; most of the walls on the first floor were completely destroyed. Elias and Aada were found holding each other in their arms, trembling on the staircase. Clearly, they only just managed to escape the Moose’s rampage before they were trampled. The Moose was found to be intoxicated.

Moose are known alcoholics.

In 2003, The Henriksen’s were driving in Southern Norway on a beautiful Sunday. Leo looked to his wife, almost blinded by her radiance in the passenger seat. She glowed more brilliantly than the sun peaking over the fjord. It had been a difficult few months, his house had burnt down and insurance was dragging their feet trying to find any way to deny their claim. But it was moments like this, driving in his little red Mazda along the mountain roads with the love of his life, that made it all worth it. Even the meeting with their insurance agent tomorrow seem like a minor inconvenience on this happy road of marital bliss. Then the light began to dim, but that’s strange, the car in the other lane doesn’t seem to be getting darker, wait why does the woman and little girl look like they’ve seen a ghost? The sound of metal crushing above was the last thing that Leo heard until the emergency vehicles arrived. The officer told Leo that a 350 kilo, intoxicated, cow Moose had ran off the cliff above, crushing his and another woman’s car. With his car now totaled, he told reporters that he hopes his insurance agent will be in a good mood tomorrow.

I Hate Moose.

In 1985, Frederick, a train engineer, is wiping blood off of the train, they had hit 4 Moose on their way to Anchorage. Frederick was getting worried, he had heard that there were 384 Moose collisions so far this year. Several leading to derailment, killing some of his close personal friends. The company said they had ordered some specialty made cars to withstand the collisions, but that was still a week away and Frederick would have to make the trip four more times… Frederick allowed himself to cry.

Frederick would not make it to the car change.

Why is there only one form of the word moose? Why are they trying to hide their numbers from us?

In 2005, Candace was competing in the Iditarod dog sled race. It was the night of day three and Candace was making good time. She hadn’t slept for close to 20 hours and was starting to get a little delirious. The wind was howling in her ears, and it seemed like it was getting closer. Closer? No, that’s silly, that’s not how wind work it doesn’t seem like it gets closer it’s getting louder. Yes, louder that’s what it is, it’s not like wind is a person. The wind behind me is just getting louder. Wait… Candace looks behind to see a pair of red eye above her, gaining fast. Some sort of evil spirit is closing in with its eyes saying, I don’t know who you are, but I’m going to kill you. “MUSH!” But it’s too late, the Moose has her.

Candace managed to survived, but unfortunately, the Moose killed one dog and injured several others.

How do they all know what I did?

In 2013, On Christmas Eve, a young boy in Canada, let’s say his name is Viktor, approached a Moose, mistaking it for a Reindeer. When he went to pet the megafauna, it became enraged and kicked Viktor ten feet into a tree. Viktor, laying injured against the tree, looked up at this master of life and death. The boy’s little concussed head still spinning as IT disappears into the woods without a sound, staring deep into Viktor’s soul. After coughing up blood, Viktor finally is able to summon the strength to call for help. His parents come rushing from the house, seeing his parents coming, tears start to form around his eyes. But they are blown away as he sees his parent fall to the ground. He looks at his parents on the ground and slowly looks up to see the Moose standing above them. The Moose staring down upon this insolent child proceeds to step on and break his parent’s limbs without breaking eye contact. His parent’s screams ring out into the cold, snowy night. Viktor can do nothing but watch. The boy realized at that moment this Moose was teaching him a universal truth. It is a sin to believe that a Moose is anything but the highest authority there is, subservient to no one or anything. Lucifer or maybe God looks down, and Viktor knows that his retribution has only just begun.

I am terrified of Moose.