A Gen-Z Hamster Who Doesn't Vote Angers Its Owners

“I'm not voting. The election doesn't affect me.”

How often do we hear this from young people? 

Their political apathy is especially grating for voters who have been on the edge of our seats every day for the last 16 years since Obama was elected.

I interviewed a family coping with the current crisis.

As Greg and Beth looked on, Biscuit, their hamster, busied himself with his usual fun and games. 

They encouraged him to take part in the upcoming election this November.

“It's your civic duty to vote.”

“Civic duty? The politicians just pretend to care about the issues during an election,” Biscuit retorted.

“That's a cynical way to look at it.” 

Their faces pleaded for his understanding of their passionate interest in politics, despite nullifying each other's presidential vote in every election since 2004.

“Name one thing politicians have done for hamsters in the last twenty years,” Biscuit asked.

Greg and Beth went through their vast frontal cortexes (compared to his) for other arguments.

“You should support the country you live in by voting.”

“I vote with my feet.”

Stumped, Biscuit's parents decided to plead their party lines. Greg, a Republican, discussed world geography.

“You should vote for Trump, as he will stop imports from China.”

“But my hamster food comes from China.”

"What about inflation?”

“The cost of my pet food is someone else's problem. In fact, yours.”

“Immigrants crossing the southern border?!”

“I'm a Syrian golden hamster. How do you think I got here?”

You might think things went easier for Beth, a Democrat.

She confronted Biscuit with important domestic issues:

“If you vote for Biden, you will help stop the objectification of women”

“Aren't you the one who dresses me, and yourself, in cute outfits for Instagram?”

”Biden signed the ban on TikTok. He's tough on China too.”

“That is not a positive for the hamster community. I need to let Peanut know.”

”And what about children in cages?”

“I think I'm going to chew on a ballot now.”

Thanks for reading. Dedicated to the 34% of eligible American voters, who, like me, quietly let the world's greatest mud slinging match slide past every four years without jumping in to take part.

**

Disclaimer: Voting is an important civic duty in a democracy.

Additional disclaimer: My voting residency is a 65% one-party majority state, and my unplaced vote couldn't possibly help or hurt your party of choice.

Post Baby Reindeer disclaimer: This story is inspired very slightly by a possibly true or untrue story. All presidential candidates mentioned are fictitious.

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History of US Presidential Election Voter Participation

The early presidential elections from 1788-1824 were decided by electors chosen by state legislatures, rather than direct popular vote. It was not until the 1828 election that a majority of states held popular vote presidential elections.

Even then, voter eligibility was much more restricted historically, with only white male property owners allowed to vote in many states initially. Women did not gain the right to vote nationwide until the 19th Amendment was ratified in 1920.

So reliable nationwide voter turnout data is only available starting from around the mid-19th century onward. Here is a summary of what we know about voter participation in early US presidential elections:

1788-1824 elections: No direct popular vote, decided by state legislatures

1828 election: Estimated 57.6% voter turnout (of white males)

1840 election: Estimated 80.2% voter turnout (of white males)

1860 election: Estimated 81.2% voter turnout (of white males)

1896 election: 73.7% voter turnout

Other years:

2020: 66.1% voter turnout

2016: 60.1% voter turnout

2012: 58.6% voter turnout

2008: 62.2% voter turnout

2004: 60.1% voter turnout

2000: 54.2% voter turnout

1996: 49.0% voter turnout

1992: 55.2% voter turnout

1988: 53.1% voter turnout

1984: 53.3% voter turnout

1980: 52.6% voter turnout

1976: 53.5% voter turnout

1972: 55.2% voter turnout

1968: 60.7% voter turnout

1964: 61.9% voter turnout

1960: 62.8% voter turnout

1956: 60.1% voter turnout

1952: 63.3% voter turnout

1948: 51.1% voter turnout

1944: 55.9% voter turnout

1940: 49.2% voter turnout

1936: 60.8% voter turnout

1932: 58.8% voter turnout