Personality versus Outward Appearances

Some of you may be wondering why I chose to use an artistic depiction of a tire swing to coincide with an article that is on the topic of human superficiality. I think I'll explain it like a parable. The tire swing is not your typical swing found at most parks. There have been many man-made swings, but the standard swing is not meant to spin and is designed in most cases for one person to sit on. The tire swing is unique because not only is it an upcycle (saving the planet from tires dumped at the bottom of the ocean or rivers) it also can carry two children, swing back and forth, and spin for delirious enjoyment. I think of the tire swing the way I think of how people can sometimes get bent out of shape regarding how people look. Some care nothing about it, while others care too much about it. Most lack a good balance. When someone isn't by standard definition of "attractive" or "beautiful" they are often described as having a great personality, to soften the judgements of those who have not met the person before and introduce them as desirable regardless. Let's say a standard swing is the normal definition of "attractive" or "beautiful", and the tire swing has a great personality. Now you understand the connection.

Women seem to care more about appearances than men. I've noticed this throughout the years. There are some men who dress beautifully and care about their grooming and looks, but it seems overall men were more concerned with their careers and roles in the family; Whereas women, whether they are single or married, often want to be beautiful on the outside regardless what role they were in at any time. I wonder if that personality trait was discussed in the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Seems like it should have been.

I find this slight difference very very interesting between the sexes. Of course, in today's confusing world of gender identity crisis I'm sure there are tons of exceptions, but I don't want to discuss non-typical.

Women are inclined to be more possessive and jealous than men, typically speaking. That is why they strive so much to look appealing. They want the man to want them and to be proud of what they have so that perhaps they won't stray or perhaps they'll appreciate what they have. The sad part is that it doesn't matter how beautiful the woman is. Men still stray and they still leave regardless of what they have. There will always be men that simply do not cherish a woman's loyalty or beauty.

Using myself as a female example, I'd say that for the first half of my life I took my "looks" for granted. Although I knew that I was "attractive" and my mother always told me that I was "beautiful" I did not think it was an "asset" or any kind of edge that made me more desirable than anyone else. I always felt threatened, even if a man told me "I love you" and even while I was married. I always felt insecure even when I was proud of myself for whatever I had achieved or when I liked what I saw in the mirror. I just knew that it didn't matter how nice I was, or how beautiful I was, I had no way to hold on to a person. That is a free will choice that is beyond my control and no beauty magic or manipulation can take that away from any individual.

Some women try to hold on to their men by being great housekeepers and/or cooks. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" I recall hearing time and again. I'm terrible at cooking. I've had a few recipes that have come out tasty, but I never had the kind of kitchen that inspired me or the budget to buy the kinds of foods I really wanted to experiment with. So I gave up in the kitchen. I spent the first half of my life mostly with my nose in books and intellectual pursuits. I figured, even if they find me unattractive and useless, at least I'll be able to entertain with an interesting conversation. Or at least I'd be able to be fair and discerning when there is a debate about what is true or false. I figured that would be a good personality trait to have under my belt regardless of what people say I look like.

I grew up with a very street smart mother. She knew the dirty secrets about people and she understood their dark fantasies and hypocritical nature. She had a very low opinion of men, although she hated being alone and often jumped at a chance to remarry just to avoid the loneliness. It rarely worked, which is sad that her "rightness" did that to her. I guess she always hoped that someone would prove her wrong.

I took a different approach. I nodded in agreement and understanding of her experience and wisdom, but I defended the men anyway, saying "If that's what they are, that's what they are. Unconditional love does not dictate how it should be." I was far less marriage minded than my mother because I was the child witness to all of those failed marriages. Now I have my own failed marriage under my belt and sadly I was right also, and had also hoped that I wouldn't be.

Marriage is not superficial. It is not based on what you look like. Lust is the main factor for why people want others to be attractive or beautiful. Some people only get married to procreate therefore they want a mate who they are very attracted to. Some people want to show off their mate, therefore they want someone very presentable. Some people just want to cure loneliness, so they would take personality over outward appearances.

So back to my tire swing parable. The standard "beautiful" swing is nice to look at. We know what it does and we can enjoy the basic simple ride without worrying about how it works. It's a classic and those of us who enjoy the swinging are often happy to see it included at the park. But then there are some of us, who are just thrilled to spot the old nostalgic tire swing. The one that really stands out - not because it's beautiful, but because it's genius. Because it's a great idea. And because as every child who has been on one knows, it's absolutely deliriously fun.