Death And Dying

In 2016, “Face it together” was started in Bemidji and she became a “coach”, at the age of 87 to those who wanted what she was given — “A New Life”. Living her life to the fullest with her passions of singing (a must), daily walks, standing in line at the 7th Day Adventist clothing depot, celebrating Christmas and birthdays with her family and friends. Best of all was living and practicing “The 12 steps and traditions”, “One Day At A Time”. May you all be blessed. A section of Verna’s Obituary.

Verna was my sponsor in early recovery! I learned so much from Verna about recovery and life.

I learned to make decisions easily, due to having to decide on where we would meet every other week for the first couple years of recovery. I would say we can meet at Perkins, Country Kitchen, or Sniders, and she would say it is your choice.

After a year or so, I was making decisions easier. She then told me that the reason I had to make decisions was because of my perfectionism. She was right. I didn’t want to make the wrong decision as I didn’t want the bad food or service to be my fault.

Verna taught me that my choices were yes, no, and maybe. But maybe doesn’t last long before it turns into one of the others. She would remind me when talking about leaving my husband that the maybe had turned into no a long time ago now.

Before I divorced my husband, she said that “You should shit or get off the pot.” About 15 years later she apologized for saying that. It was after my second marriage ended.

The real reason I ended my first marriage was because another friend said that if we were meant to be together, we would be. I told Verna the apology wasn’t necessary as that wasn’t why I divorced him. She was a great sponsor and one of the best friends I had growing up. She will be missed!

I loved how easily she could laugh, and I loved how we laughed together, and I wanted that. Today I have that too.

The God stuff was difficult for me at first and she helped me through that. She told me I had to fire the God of my childhood. She told me that I could ‘act as if’ I believed God could help me. And she told me the first three steps are simple. I can’t, God can, I will let God.

I got rid of my obsession and compulsion with alcohol by her talking about working on steps 6 and 7. That was the best! No obsession or compulsion after that and to this day some 43 years later.

She recommended I sell Mary Kay as a student for some extra money. She was helpful to me in doing that, from her experience of owning a Merle Norman Cosmetics business. She knew that helping others was an important part of recovery.

During that time working with a group of women doing skin care and makeup was important. Some wearing makeup for the first time. Many would say, “My husband doesn’t think I should wear makeup.” I would tell them to watch who their husbands notice when in public. That was Verna.

We had a small group of women when I was first in recovery that were close. I needed them. It was Joyce, JoAnn, Verna, Bennie, Joan and I. Another group I was dependent on was Rose, Mary, Kim, and a few others.

From this group of friends, only Joyce was deceased until now Verna. I appreciated Joyce as she was tough and would tell guys looking for a 13-step to back off or knock it off. I always felt safe with Joyce and Verna.

Verna and Bennie would always take me step by step through a difficulty. Verna could be tough, and Bennie would soften the blow with first I want you to run the bathwater, put bubbles in there, light a candle, play soft new-age music, and soak.

When you start to shrivel or the water gets cold, get out. Then it was more next steps.

Others became sisters over the years. Rose and Mary are my sisters. JoAnn was another sponsor. She was great! An artist who would give me help often through her art. She gave me a picture of a panda bear that said, “Stop shoulding on yourself!” I have so many of her reminders.

After I moved away, Verna and I stayed in touch for many years and slowly lost touch. I got an occasional Christmas card and picture and would call and stay with her a couple of times when I had time to stay.

These women all saved my life or I wouldn't be around today. They are all aging as I am and I don't look forward to the funerals I may have to attend. I will attend Verna's funeral next week. Since the pandemic funerals are not within 4 days anymore. It will be closer to two weeks.

~~~~

First published by Mercury Press on medium.com