7 Emotional Consequences Of Unrequited Love

Everyone has the right to love whomever they wish, and at whatever time, in their life. But love doesn’t start with someone else. It starts inside of us, loving ourselves. If we love someone ‘deeply’, especially when they don't return it, we are actually wanting their love to compensate for the lack of love we feel for ourselves. They would find it off-putting and might actually feel burdened by such emotional responsibility.

When we truly love and appreciate who we are, we do not love anyone else more than we love ourselves. We meet them half way. By loving someone too much, it carries the message that their love is more important than yours, and you have to hang on to it at all cost. Furthermore, the less you love yourself and love someone too much, the less attractive and appealing you will seem, because that person will eventually feel claustrophobic with your constant attention.

It also carries the risk that when that person stops loving you, your world will fall apart, because you have depended on them so much for their presence and affection, it will be difficult to let go. You would have done nothing to provide a strong emotional base for yourself, should the relationship fail, which is likely to make any breakdown unbearable and the hurt indescribable.

Apart from that, loving someone more than they love you can lead to a variety of negative consequences, both for your emotional well-being and overall happiness. The seven most common problems you may face are the following:

• Emotional pain and suffering: When you invest more love and affection into a relationship than the other person reciprocates, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak. The imbalance in the relationship can lead to feelings of rejection, insecurity, and low self-esteem.
• Anxiety and stress: One-sided relationships can cause anxiety and stress, eventually taking a toll on your physical health. This is because you are likely to be constantly worried about whether or not the other person loves you, too, and the possibility of losing them. This can lead to feelings of restlessness, irritability, and difficulty sleeping, with an increased risk of fatigue and illness.
• Emotional dependence: Loving someone more than they love us can create an unhealthy emotional dependence on the other person. We may become overly reliant on them for our happiness, validation, and sense of security. This can make it difficult to function independently, often leading to unhealthy possessiveness.
• Lack of respect and boundaries: If the other person doesn't share your level of commitment, they may not respect your boundaries or take your needs seriously. They may make decisions without considering your feelings or prioritise their own interests over yours. This can lead to resentment and a feeling of being taken advantage of, or even to emtional abuse.

• Unresolved conflict and resentment: When we're invested more deeply in a relationship than the other person, it can be harder to address conflicts or resolve issues. We may feel afraid to bring up our concerns through our fear of losing the relationship, which can lead to resentment and bitterness that fester over time.
• Loss of self-identity: Constantly catering to the other person's needs and wants can make you lose sight of your own identity and values. You may suppress your own interests and desires to appease or please them, ultimately feeling unfulfilled and unhappy. This can impact your overall sense of self-worth and confidence.
• Reduced opportunities for other relationships: Focusing all your attention on a one-sided relationship can limit your chances of forming other meaningful connections with friends, family, or potential partners, which can even lead to social isolation and lack of a support system. In fact, you could even find difficulty in moving on, if you stay in a one-sided relationship for an extended period, as you may find yourself clinging to the hope of reciprocation, even when it's clear that the other person is not really interested.

Everything in life that is most enjoyable and affirming is done in moderation. The best way to love and be loved is to begin by learning to love, appreciate and to value yourself. You would then be strong and confident enough to leave or take someone else’s attention. Their love would enhance yours, not be a substitute for it. You won’t need their approval or love to feel great because you are already great without them. Most important, you will also be able to reinforce yourself when things don’t work out.

It's important to remember that love is a two-way street. A healthy and fulfilling relationship should thus be based on mutual respect, shared affection, and a balance of give and take. If you find yourself consistently giving more than you receive, it's time to evaluate the situation and consider whether the relationship is truly serving your best interests. If you're struggling to overcome the pain of loving someone more than they love you, seeking professional support from a therapist or counsellor can be helpful in navigating your emotions and making positive changes in your life.

If someone doesn’t love you or want you, they are giving you a powerful message of choice which should be respected. To still want to ‘love’ that person is to imply that you are not good enough for anyone else, or you won’t be able to find someone else. Yet you only belittle yourself in the process because you will continually feel inadequate and unhappy.

Love is something we have to give every moment of the day, every day of our lives. It is not restricted to one person or situation. However, it starts within us through self-love, confidence and self-value. Once we have that fully developed, our capacity to love others is abundant, while at the same time keeping our emotional independence. In fact, we will then have the assurance no only to to pick and choose our mates, but to readily say, ‘NEXT!’ when it doesn’t work out as expected.

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