The 'Halloween Trilogy': Because 10 Halloween Movies Weren't Enough

Watching the new Halloween Trilogy is funny when you know Jamie Lee Curtis - not as the veteran actress who made her acting debut four and a half decades ago as Laurie Strode in the original 1978 Halloween movie - but as the rigid, hot dog-handed, mixed martial arts-trained, self-stapling tax attorney from Everything Everywhere All at Once. Even with a list of credits that stretches back to the days of Jimmy Carter's presidency, it's hard to unsee her for her role in that famously bizarre, interdimensional odyssey of a film.

I admit I'd never seen Jamie Lee Curtis act in another movie until this week.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I saw Christmas with the Kranks in theaters on one sad Holiday season in 2004. Apart from that, though, I've been humiliatingly uninitiated to the world of Jamie Lee Curtis films.

But now, in one fell swoop, I can say that I've watched not three, not four, but FIVE Jamie Lee Curtis movies. That's one Jamie Lee Curtis film for every workday … and almost two of them are good! That's not to say that the Halloween trilogy is bad, so to speak. It has a definite leg up on Christmas with the Kranks. Whether or not it required a little dismembering to get that leg is irrelevant in my eyes.

Halloween (2018) has an admittedly captivating premise. It begins by showing the famously stoic Michael Myers in a prison yard being… stoic. A protagonist tries to instigate a reaction from him by presenting him with his notorious mask, but Myers remains mute, his back turned to the viewer. Sadly, there can be no Halloween movie if Michael Myers is in prison. So, in a perhaps-not-unpredictable fashion, there's a jailbreak during a prisoner transfer, and the DIY ominous mask enthusiast is free to stalk the streets of Haddonfield and kill again. This tension escalates until - yep, he got that guy who was taunting him with his mask in the first scene.

But there's an overarching coherence to his murderous rampage. There's a method to the muted madness. The violence is sparing. The gore gauge rarely ticks above gratuitous. Only occasionally does it verge onto the "holy s*** what the f*** am I watching?" territory that might upset the less psychopathic viewer. It's about as restrained as one can reasonably hope of a modern-era slasher film.

Rotten Tomatoes seems to agree that this is the only movie of the trilogy with some semblance of sanity. It has a logical plot structure, some good old-fashioned deadpan Myers kills, and an infernally ambiguous cliffhanger ending. The acting performances are… loveably trope-ish. They're caricatures of jocks and damsels in distress and emotionally wounded veterans of Myers-related tragedies. Andi Matichak, Judy Greer, Dylan Arnold, James Jude Courtney, and Jamie Lee Curtis each do excellent jobs of personifying characters that feel by and large flat and layer-less.

But still, the masked Michael Myers is such an effective presence on screen that it's no wonder that he's inspired a whopping thirteen separate movies depicting his monstrous ways. The characters don't require depth. His silent killing sprees are the material of nightmares. The enigma surrounding him and his motives does raise questions… but not very deep ones.

There are enough reprieves from the violence in this 2018 adaptation that it feels oddly like a walk in the meadow when compared with its sequel, aptly named Halloween Kills. The film begins with Myers emerging like a lumbering terminator phoenix from the flames of the prior movie. What proceeds is a killing spree so haphazard it makes the viewer wonder whether the hulking murder machine is suffering the after-effects of acute smoke inhalation.

Little plot advancing is done in this second installment, and Jamie Lee Curtis's limited screentime is confined largely to a hospital bed. The film gives a surface-level exploration of how the town of Haddonfield has been affected by Michael Myer's wanton brutality handouts. Understandably, the residents are upset.

But even with an entire town united, and the iconic villain hopelessly cornered, Myers prevails over pipes, knives, baseball bats, and gunshot wounds to come out on top. He then kills one of the lead protagonists. The scene feels like it's supposed to arrive with an impact, but because the slain character has the personality depth of a cucumber, the emotional weight of her loss is sadly lost on my insensitive soul.

The soundtracks throughout the films provide a wonderful homage to the original films, while also providing a suitable backdrop to the blood-squelching gore. You know those moods where you're torn between attending a moody underground rave and a Halloween haunted house? Well, this score caters precisely to that feeling! It's like someone took classical instruments, gave them a few too many espresso shots, and then force-fed them a barrage of ghost stories. The net result is something oddly infectious and danceable for a soundtrack so dire.

Halloween Ends opens to a town reeling from the aftermath of the undying, evil, zombie dude that seems to be making a habit - yet again - of these Halloween day blood baths. Strode has discovered a passion for writing and is putting hard times behind her. Admittedly, she's not bad. This is due mostly to the heavy lifting of real-world writers David Gordon Green, Paul Brad Logan, Chris Bernier, and Danny Mcbride (Wait, Danny McBride helped write this?).

Danny McBride alongside pet Channing Tatum in This is the End / Sony Pictures Entertainment Inc.Anyway, Strode can still take partial credit in my book. She's turning over a new leaf in life, and frankly, I'm here for it. Spending forty years being heedlessly pursued and fantasized about by an indestructible weapon-clad Hulk man has taken its understandable toll.

But when Strode's daughter starts dating Michael Myer's new apprentice… trouble ensues.

Okay, so Corey Cunningham isn't an "apprentice," so to speak - just a misunderstood manslaughterer who exchanged soulful eyes with the masked killer one night in a sewer in a way that changed him. And now they're murder pals. Or telepathic kill buddies. Or cannibal lovers - no, wait, that's Hannibal.

Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham from ABC's Hannibal looking into each other's eyes lustfully / FilmRiseAnyway, the movie continues with Corey and his ambiguously intentioned, possibly supernatural, part tank/part friend trading blows with heroes and assholes alike. Michael Myers' loaded stare has instilled Corey with a drive to commit comparable atrocities… and the inexplicable ability to survive the retaliatory blows and gunshot wounds he's dealt in their aftermath.

The film lives up to its name in that Halloween does, in fact, end. Myers is put through a shredder, and his fate is left largely unambiguous. The town cheers as the knife-wielding, slow-moving fashionista meets his demise. His mask sits on Strode's table as a symbol of a challenge overcome and a chapter of her life that she's eager to put to rest.

Until Halloween Returns…