The Handsomest Prince

Once upon a time, there was a Prince who was handsomest in all the land. He was tall and muscular, had dazzling eyes, straight teeth, and a perfectly-formed face.

One day as the Handsomest Prince was riding through his kingdom, he saw a woman crying beside a stream of crystalline water. The Prince got off his horse and approached the woman.

“Woman, why are you crying so?” asked the Handsomest Prince.

The woman, whose eyes were downcast as she wept, said, “As I collected water in yonder stream, I saw my reflection and beheld that I am very ugly.”

“Ugly?” wondered the Prince. “What is this ‘ugly’ you speak of?”

“Ugly is a very common problem. Many people in the kingdom are unhappy because they are so ugly.”

“Hmmm. I wonder what I can do to help my people because of the ugly,” wondered the Handsomest Prince aloud.

“Help your people?” said the woman, puzzled, and she looked up. “Oh, I did not realize I was talking to you, Handsomest Prince! Wow, you are so handsome! My day is so much better!” She smiled and walked back to collect water from the stream.

As the Handsomest Prince watched the woman walk merrily away, he was struck with an idea.

The Handsomest Prince rode his horse to the highest, darkest mountain in the kingdom and approached the old, warty, pimply witch who lived on top.

“Old, warty, pimply witch!” said the Handsomest Prince. “I have become aware that many people in my kingdom are sad because they are so ugly.”

“Yes,” said the old, warty, pimply witch. “It is a terrible problem, your Handsomeness.”

“Well, I have an idea to fix this terrible problem. I order you to cast a magic spell so that every time anyone in the kingdom sees their reflection, whether it be in a mirror or the waters of a stream, instead of seeing their own reflection, they will see my own dazzling eyes, straight teeth, and perfectly-formed face gazing back at them. This will brighten their day and make them happy.”

“Yes, I can do this, Prince,” said the old, warty, pimply witch, “but in order for this spell to work, you must play a part.”

“Anything for my people,” said the Handsomest Prince.

The old, warty, pimply witch approached the Prince, hairs quivering from her many warts.

“To cast this spell,” whispered the old, warty, pimply witch with her horrible breath, “I need you to kiss me.”

The Handsomest Prince looked down on the old, warty, pimply witch, pimples oozing as she wheezed.

“If it will help my people,” he said nobly, “I must do it.”

He closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss the old, warty, pimply witch.

“Eyes open!” exclaimed the old, warty, pimply witch.

“Yes, yes, of course,” said the Handsomest Prince.

The Handsomest Prince opened his eyes and leaned toward the witch’s hairy, twitching, salivating lips, but the moment before their lips touched, the witch transformed into the most beautiful young maiden the Handsomest Prince had ever laid eyes on. She had silky hair, sparkling eyes, and glowing skin. The Handsomest Prince’s lips touched hers and then they totally made out.

From that day forward, a magic spell was cast so that any time anyone in the kingdom saw their reflection, they instead saw the Handsomest Prince staring back at them, smiling his perfect smile with his dazzling eyes, straight teeth, and perfectly-formed face, and sometimes they even saw the Prince making out with the beautiful young maiden who used to be the old, warty, pimply witch. This made everyone in the kingdom happy every single day, even the ugly people, and they all lived happily ever after.

The End

Moral of the story: Always be the handsomest.