Shades of Bogart

Shades of Bogart

By Cleve Taylor

“So, you are saying you want me to find a bird? A Scarlet Macaw? Are you sure you haven’t seen ‘The Maltese Falcon’ one too many times?”

“That was a statuette. I’m talking about a live bird from Belize. This is serious, so don’t make a joke of it, Wade. Our informants tell us that an ultra right billionaire in Texas has successfully turned a macaw into a bioweapon by giving it a new lab manufactured airborne virus deadly to humans, and that it is being released through a pet shop somewhere in the mid Atlantic states. His idea is that the virus will kill off mostly socialists in the area. To him, if some conservatives are in the mix, that is just necessary collateral damage.”

“By midAtlantic, I assume you are talking about Washington, right? So if you know who this billionaire is and what he is doing, why haven’t you arrested him and anyone else involved?”

“We have information, but we don’t have proof or jurisdiction. We can’t turn it over to the locals. They would probably give him a medal. They are convinced that Socialists are taking over the country and many conservatives think they are at war. For whatever reason, the powers that be want to handle this off the books. That is where you come in.”

“Are you talking about just finding the bird and destroying it, or are you talking about the bird and the source?”

“Just the bird. He has created only the one because of fear that multiple carriers might find their way back to Texas before the virus could be contained. Personally, I think everyone involved should be held accountable, but that is not my call.”

“How can I say no? When do you want me to start?”

“Now,” Wade was told as a 32 GB thumb drive was handed across the table to him. “Everything we have is on that drive. Deposits will be made into your accounts as usual. Do whatever is necessary. If people start dying locally, I will know that you failed. Otherwise I hope to get an ‘All Done’ text.”

With that, Wade’s contact departed. Wade immediately texted his longtime partner, Judith, saying “Urgent. Can you meet at the SGP at 7?” He chose the Stained Glass Pub in Glenmont because he could get a private booth there with a plug for his laptop and a pony of Laphroaig Scotch from his private stash that he kept there.

Some minutes later he got a text from Judith saying she was at an antique store in Leesburg, but would be at the SGP at 7.

Wade retrieved his Dell laptop from his car and set up shop in a back booth at the SGP. By the time Judith arrived at five to seven, he had read all the material on the thumb drive and had a coarse outline in his mind of the way to solve the problem.

He briefed Judith, explaining their objective and how he proposed to address the problem. They knew from information on the drive who the billionaire was, that he lived in Richardson, Texas, that the lab was in Plano, and that the infected macaw was being sent to a BirdsBeWe pet store outlet somewhere in metropolitan DC. If things went to plan, they could call all the BirdsBeWe Outlets looking to buy a Scarlet Macaw and make arrangements to buy the bird and take custody of it before it was displayed in the store.

A quick Google showed that there were eleven outlets in the area that were open until 8:00 p.m. They started dialing the stores, said they were looking for a scarlet macaw as a gift for a rich grandmother, and did the store have any on hand or on order. One store said they had one on hand that they had received several months ago available for $3,700 and hinted that they might be willing to negotiate. Another store said they had none and expected none.

The fifth store Judith called said, “You are in luck. We have one arriving either tomorrow or the next day that we will be offering for $4,000.”

“What is its provenance?” Judith asked. We want to be sure he is legally imported.”

“Oh he is legal, Ma’am. He is imported from Belize by a wholesale dealer in Texas, who supplies us with exotic birds.”

“That sounds good,” Judith said. “Has he been kept away from other birds and people? I’ve heard that there is danger of imported birds carrying bird flu.”

“Not our birds, Ma’am. This bird, for instance, is being shipped in a specially designed carrier that precludes viral contamination by using double layered N95 filter material.”

“That’s wonderful. We want the macaw and his shipping container for granny. Do you take VISA?”

Of course they did. With tax and an extra $160 for the container Judith was charged $4,360 for the macaw. “Text me when and where I can pick it up,” she said, and gave the store manager her burner cell number.

Pretty sure they had the right bird, Wade and Judith nevertheless finished calling the other stores. None of them had a macaw on hand or on order.

“Well, that part is done. I’m ordering a steak and cheese sub and some Laphroaig. How about you?”

“The sub sounds good, but I think I’ll just have the house red.”

They ate, and went over the rest of their plans.

They picked up the bird at the Arlington BirdsBeWe, near the Pentagon, the next evening. Two days after that they were in a rented Lexus in Richardson, Texas casing the billionaire's home and determining that he was in residence.

That night, Wade easily defeated the billionaire’s security system, and in an abbreviated hazmat suit he carefully released the Scarlet Macaw into the living area at the foot of the stairway leading up to the bedrooms. He noted a bust of Napoleon in the hallway, “Appropriate,” he thought to himself.

The next morning the billionaire emerged from his bedroom and a brightly colored bird flew past him. “What the f---,” he reacted.

An anonymous caller alerted Richardson public health officials that a bird with a deadly virus was being housed in the billionaire’s mansion. Calls to the mansion got no answer. A team flew in from CDC in Atlanta and entered the premises.

They carefully captured a beautiful scarlet macaw and found the billionaire sprawled dead halfway down his stairs. Staff were off for the weekend, so the only collateral damage was the lab chief who had slept over after an evening of celebration. Coincidentally, the laboratory in Plano mysteriously burned over the weekend. Arson was suspected.

Wade, after watching the story develop on local news while eating breakfast at the Dallas Hilton, texted his contact.

“All done.”

“Would you like more coffee?” he asked Judith.