Half An Hour in the Abyss

I was on my toes all day at work, determined to choose whether I should or shouldn't visit the aquarium. I've started experiencing strange nightmares. Bizarre dreams about my life take place in an aquarium.

It wasn't scary, but I took it as a sign that I should visit the aquarium to find closure. I'm not sure about reading or hearing stories about people wanting to find closure for their disturbing dreams by visiting the said place. Though my heart begged me not to risk it, my mind was determined to do it!

On my way home from work, without even realizing it, I parked in the parking lot of the aquarium. I have driven past it for the past decade, always finding it curious but too busy to make time.

The place appeared desolate. I got nervous. As I passed the entrance, my steps stumbled, and my feet felt heavy. Nothing about this felt right.

Inside it was dimly lit, a curved tunnel with built-in water tanks, lit with fluorescent lights. It was the first time in 30 years of my life that I had ever been to an aquarium. I was awestruck. Awe and wonder filled me as I walked tracing my thumb along the glass and looking at a world I had never seen before.

There were all kinds of fish there. Big and small, colorful, and in different shapes. Nothing I could name, but I recognized some.

My cousin has goldfish. Thus, that’s the extent of my knowledge of marine life. Maybe a shark, but then I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a shark and a whale! And a few more where I would have come across reading a paper or magazine.

I heard someone coughing further in the tunnel which slowed my steps.

There was an eerie silence in this place which doesn’t help much in my dramatic mind. This is because it is issuing warning signs to get out of the place before the glass breaks and I drown myself! I forced myself to be present and stood still in front of a sea horse. Yup, I can identify it! It had a luster to its skin that wasn’t present in the sea horse next to it. A true beauty. Iconic.

That’s when I saw the fish! It looked me dead in the eyes for a few heartbeats and started swimming, stopping once in a while as if to check whether I’m following it. I followed. It stopped again and turned towards me looking at me through those thick glasses. Instinctively, I crouched to get a better look at its eyes, and the second my eyes met his, my body fell to the floor lifeless.

I panicked. I could see the fish's eyes and feel my lifeless body. I peeked at my wrist to get a sense of time as nothing else was static. It read 5.30! I tried touching my hand but couldn't. All I can do is watch. I could feel concrete on my back! I panicked and turned to the fish still staring, but didn’t see any silhouette on the glass separating the tank!

“Come!”

I turned my sight in the direction of the sound and saw the fish still there.

In the next second, I was inside the aquarium with schools of fish swimming around, a completely different world. I tried looking at myself and saw nothing. The second I thought about that fish, I was in front of him.

The fish looked impressed “you found me!"

I wasn’t in the mood to entertain questions so I cut him back with a retort “Did you kill me?”

I heard his heartbeat and knew he was about to lie.

Fish: NO

Me: You are lying

Fish: Why did you ask then?

Me: Why did you kill me?

Fish: I did not.

Me: But…

Fish: You have a body, with no use for that soul

Me: So, you decided to separate my soul from a useless body?

He looked me dead in the eyes and continued swimming.

Me: What is happening? Why am I here? Why did you kill me?

Fish: I DID NOT KILL YOU!

Me: Yeah, you just extracted my soul from me!

It kept swimming.

Me: Why?

I followed him.

Fish: I wanted to put your soul to some use! You know how critical it is to help preserve our marine life and protect us from predators so I knew you were special to me... I mean, special to us!

Me: Why me?

Fish: Stop repeating your questions

Me: It’s my life that is in question!

Fish: What do you think my life is?

Me: Swim all the time with no care for this world?

Fish: “Humans” he smirked.

Me: Sorry?

Fish: Indeed, your kind is arrogant, no doubt!

Me: I’m sorry. I have no right to judge anyone animal or human!

Fish: This is the reason I need you!

Now, I’m confused and I have no words to describe the situation I’ve got myself into this time.

Fish: Follow me and stop thinking. No one in this place could see you, but there’s a chance they might hear you.

Me: How can I live without thinking?

The fish looked at me amused, “you are dead.”

It took me to a hiding place. In a cave adorned with vividly colored corals, he asked me to stay and left the cave.

I closed my eyes to think and was met with a sense of drowning in the void without my senses of feeling or hearing! I opened my eyes, looking around the cave I saw a small fish trying to hide in the sand! I had to obey him because I was lost and shocked beyond words! And I can't think of what's happening to me right now! My mind is filled with questions.

“Do I even have a way out of this abyss I've tangled myself in?

“What happened to me?"

“Who am I now?

“Is the state I'm in right now called the soul?

“Can souls only see and feel their bodies?

“What will happen to my body?"

"Accept life as it is, don't question it"

I turned in the direction of the voice and saw that sea horse stationed at the mouth of the cave.

Me: You heard me?

Sea Horse: Didn't I just answer your question?

Me: what am I? How do you see me?

Sea Horse: an angel. I see you as the angel you were born to be!

Me: But the fish said that others couldn't...

Sea Horse: Close your eyes and rest your mind.

I felt like crying at the stern voice. It's just an emotion after all. I'm dead, aren't I?

That's when I felt someone shaking my body and crying for help!

I looked around agitated and saw the fish had returned, looking at the sea horse in shock.

I could hear a male voice murmuring "you'll be alright, help is on the way" and holding my hand tight with both of his. His warmth made my heart try its darnedest to rhyme with his.

"I need to see him!"

"NO" cried both the fish and the sea horse.

Me: Why not?

Sea Horse: We need your help.

I felt trapped and the more this fish kept looking at me, I felt hopeless. This place feels claustrophobic. I don’t want to start conversations with fish. I don’t give a damn about them. The panic in their eyes made me reconsider and I said “Okay! Tell me exactly what it is that you want. And what am I doing here?”

Fish: We will give you anything

Me: Cut the crap! What do you want?

Sea Horse: You

Me: Sorry?

Sea Horse: We want you with us forever.

Me: Why?

Fish: My family was cursed as my father tricked a rare tribe of salmon as prey for the salmon sharks to save his tribe from the predator! For the curse to lose its spell on my family I have to sacrifice myself to the salmon shark in front of the last salmon fish of that tribe! We need to act quickly to protect my family from this catastrophe since she's getting older!

Me: So, pay the price for your father's heroism! Sacrifice yourself to protect your legacy, or better yet, as a punishment for your father's cruelty, feed him to the shark!

Fish: He's dead.

Me: ooh! You don't mean to sacrifice me now? Do you? The apple doesn't fall far away from its tree!

I stared at the fish in disgust. He looked unaffected. The sea horse had the grace to look down.

Fish: So, what's your decision?

I laughed.

Me: Do I have a choice?

Sea Horse: Yes

Fish: NO

I looked between them and asked, "Yes or No?"

Sea Horse: Yes, you have a choice and you get to

Fish interrupted "No"

But the sea horse continued, "The human who's trying to save you now is your soul mate. If you decide to return, you'll find a way and live a happy life and die of old age content with the life you lived."

I looked at the fish. He started swimming in a circle.

Me: "You mean I found my love and am about to live happily with him?"

Sea Horse: Yes! But you have to find your way back to your world. We will not help you.

I turned to look at a coral with pointed, textured branches strutting its beauty!

I looked at the fish.

Me: When you mentioned saving marine life from predators, what you meant was protecting your tribe, didn’t you?

Fish: I had no choice

Me: Why do I feel sorry for you?

Sea Horse: As I said you’re an angel.

Me: You can’t even see me!

Sea Horse: You will be shocked at what I’m seeing right now!

He looked at me in wonder and awe.

Me: I will too when you sacrifice me to the demon! I’m sorry, the salmon shark!!

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I am confused! I felt constrained in my body, and I felt a strong current pass through my chest.

Me: What do you expect me to do?

At that moment, I hated them because my body was suffering electric shocks, and here I am negotiating my mortality with the devil.

They were taken aback by my question.

Me: What do you two expect me to do? Or would you rather I go straight to the mouth of the salmon shark and ask him to eat me?

And then I felt a hand on my hair and a light caress of lips on my ears saying “Please don’t give up” repeatedly.

I looked at the fish and the sea horse. They looked perplexed.

Me: Can you hear it?

They nodded. Sea Horse looked in my direction, his focus on the coral reef to my right.

Sea Horse: Can you feel your body?

I nodded. Then realizing it couldn't see me I said “Yes”

Sea Horse: I’m sorry! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!

I was drained at that moment. Manipulated. I know, I’m not in a position to make decisions, only to fulfill them! I felt sorry for myself, but more than that, I felt the pressure of these fish trying to convince me to do something, I am not comfortable with.

They have more power than they are willing to show. They need my consent and a willing sacrifice. Who else will volunteer than a woman in her thirties living a wasted life?

Me: What should I do?

Sea Horse: It’s your decision to make.

Me: What if I decide to go back to my world?

Sea Horse: You will be blessed with a content life

Me: For betraying you?

Sea Horse: You never betrayed anyone! Nor will you ever! Remember that

Fish: You said the same to our family. Look what happened to us.

Sea Horse: That was a different situation and don’t forget your father is an arrogant prick! And for the love of all things right, don’t you dare try to manipulate his decisions. It’s his life, his decisions!

Fish: Don’t try to act wise, I know your type, promising to stay until the end and breaking the promise when it suits you.

Sea Horse: You are doing yourself and your family wrong by

Fish: Am I? What did I do wrong?

Me: STOP

I closed my eyes!

No one is ever ready to die, even those who want to sacrifice themselves on behalf of others. No one whose heart beats to the rhythm of life wants it to stop! Because we all fear the inevitable! The unknown!

I've never seen a perfectly choreographed drama. These two are wolves in sheep's clothes! I have no way out! I've always feared losing my life. I have come up with different types of weird scenarios but nothing even remotely close to the insanity I’m suffering now!

There's no point fighting my fate, I'm going to die? Or am I dead already? There's one thing that I understand: I'm living in between, and I don't like it either. I'm either all-in or all-out. Dragging my feet will not change the result. There is no point in thinking about returning to my body. This is all a choreographed chaos of farce! The only way to preserve my sanity if I have any left would be to agree!

I always wanted to stop existing. There are times I yearned for it. Now, I wanted to be dead once and for all, figuratively and realistically! I resolved to agree to whatever they might have conspired! After all, I have nothing to lose.

Finally, I opened my eyes and said "I accept whatever life has to offer me with open arms, including death."

The moment I accepted my fate my heart started to beat!

I heard a loud “NO!” and a heart-wrenching cry!

I opened my eyes to a dimly lit room. A nurse seated in the corner stared at me shocked, but she recovered quickly and called for the doctor! But the person who came in first was a tall, handsome guy wearing ripped jeans and a faded sweatshirt! There were blood patches on his sweatshirt, and his eyes searched for mine, caught it, and smiled as he walked to me, knelt by my bedside, and said “you have beautiful eyes!”

The doctor came in then, did the checkup, and asked me a few questions, and finally, he said “you are a brick! Withstanding that blow to your head and recovering beautifully, a miracle indeed.”

Instinctively, I asked for the time. He was taken aback, but answered "6 in the evening"

Half an hour! I murmured.

Sorry?

Nothing. I'm happy that I'm still alive.

***

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Umrah Rdiya.