Fate Train (Micro version)
A love story in 50 words
Funny smells. I dream of you. My body aches. How did I get here? Is this what death feels like? A reckoning in glimpses play out before me. I’m spared. I’m given a second chance. With you, and the one our love made. This time we will do it right.
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Minus One
You winked at me over Monday Night Football. I smiled and drank stale beer. You courted me with roses and chocolates. I vowed forever. You hated the Ramen I kept on the table. You ate it anyway. Graduation and promotions. We moved to the suburbs. I forgot what your face looked like. You joined the country club. I learned how to play tennis. You hired another new secretary. I followed you to that motel. You used that degree to court me again. I smiled and drink stale beer.
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Comments (17)
Dana, this is so beautifully written and well thought out "appetizer". I will have to check out the full version when I get some more time on my hands! You have definitely piqued my curiosity! 😊
I loved the original version of this, and you completely did it justice with the micro version. And yay for second chances :)
Love this! I did go back and read the longer version. This one very intriguing, could feel that sense of bewilderment and then happiness. ♥️♥️♥️
This paragraph was so good I had to go and immediately read the full story!
Beautifully condensed ❤ I think if I hadn't already read the full version this one would be full of mystery.
Vivid, plaintive, hopeful and gorgeous throughout, Dana. I love this one 🤗
OH, this turned out soooo beautiful 😍🥹 You managed to pack emotion and action into this, all with such grace! I really love the hopefulness of the last line! ❤️
jeez, you filled a novel in few words. This is great
Beautifully vivid emotion in these lines! Great micro, Dana! Looking forward to reading the longer version. I loved this idea. I’ll have to comb back through my old work- nice to resurrect a piece of it! 💫
So many senses engaged by this one. Very noice!
Ooh interesting, leaves you wanting to know more. I really liked it!
What a cool idea! Just finished the original!
It's a lovely look at the power of love and the chances that life gives us.
Great job ❤️‼️
Woohoo!!! Loved it!!!
So much packed in here. Well done Dana 😎
Great idea to adapt the story to microfiction! I do apologise, I haven't read the original, but is this short story talking about getting a second chance through resurrection? (Sorry if I'm being dense there 😭)