My First Love

Mom, I have something I need to tell you. It happened a long time ago, but it's time that I share my secret with you.

I had fallen head over heels in love with Jeremy. He had been my high school sweetheart. Even though I had dated other guys, I never fell for any of them the way I fell for Jeremy. He was compassionate, romantic, funny, adventurous, and handsome. I had been accepted to UGA and had plans to attend there in the fall, but Jeremy was unsure about his future plans. He had really not thought much about college and would probably end up working somewhere locally. I was not sure if our love would survive a long distance relationship. We spent many days together, hanging out, going on dates, and just spending time together as a couple.

After graduation, I had been invited by Jeremy's family to go on vacation with them to Sea Island. I was so excited about spending a week with him and his family, but I was also very nervous. I had never spent the night with my boyfriend and had never spent that much time with his family. However, I decided that I would go with them on their family vacation.

I packed up my things and my mother wanted to have a talk with me before I left for this trip. She knew how much I loved Jeremy and how much he loved me and had a feeling that he might pressure me into having sex with him. There is nothing worse than having a sexual discussion with your mother. She asked if I had already had sex with Jeremy or anyone else. Of course, I told her "no" which was the truth. I had thought about it, but I didn't think I was ready for sex yet. Hopefully, me telling the truth would end this discussion. My mother wanted to make sure that I was not going to do anything I might regret or anything that might mess up my future.

So now that this uncomfortable discussion is over, I'm ready to leave with my boyfriend and his family. Although, my mom's words are still buzzing in my ears and in my head. Jeremy's family came to pick me up and now we're off to Sea Island.

Finally, we arrive at the house his parents rented for the week. It's beautiful and only about a mile from the beach. I can hear the ocean waves and smell the sea air and feel the breeze on my face. It's a small piece of paradise hidden in the suburbs. We all pick out our rooms in the house. Mine is facing a beautiful yard with palm trees. I will have to share a bathroom with Jeremy and his brother, but I have my own room and bed to sleep in while I'm there. We all start unpacking and getting ourselves ready to walk down the road to the beach. I can hardly wait!

We go to the beach and play in the water and sit in our beach chairs. There's so much to do, but my favorite place to be is in the water. Jeremy and I finally get on a raft and paddle ourselves out far enough where the water is not as choppy. It's so relaxing and breathtaking! He and I are laying right next to each other in the raft. Then he leans over and kisses me. It was a very passionate kiss that lasted for decades. We were alone in the raft and just enjoying our time together. One or two kisses became long, passionate kisses. Jeremy is stirring all of these unfamiliar feelings inside of me. I wasn't sure what was happening between us, but I'm not sure that I wanted it to stop. Part of me wanted to keep pursuing this feeling and see what might happen next and then part of me heard my mother's words and didn't want to start something that might mess up my future. But I had to hit pause anyway.

I made up an excuse to get us out of the situation, and I jumped in the water and swam out by myself. He then followed me in the raft so he could be close to where I was swimming. I managed to avoid a sexual interaction between us. However, it's probably going to come up again at a later date.

That first night in a strange bed was terrible. I was not in my familiar environment and I had difficulty sleeping. I got up and was wondering around the house. I decided to go into my boyfriend's room to see if he was up. I called out his name and woke him up. He lifted the covers for me to come and lay beside him. I got into bed with him and he put his arm around me. Being this close to him stirred up those feelings from earlier in the day and the feelings that had been building up over time.

He kissed me on the cheek. Then I turned over and let him kiss me on the mouth. I would have to admit that it was the same kind of kissing that had happened before except there was not stopping it. He kissed me on my lips and then my neck. I couldn't stop the desire from rising. It was rising in me like a full moon rising in the sky.

Those feelings were like the tremors before a volcanic eruption. I knew that nothing was going to stop us now and it was going to happen whether we had planned for it or not. Slowly, clothes were being removed and the kissing was becoming more intense and more passionate. It felt very awkward and uncomfortable. I had no idea what to do or how to do it, but I would just try to enjoy the moment.

Before I knew it, it was over and done. I wondered how in the world I would explain this if anyone found out and what would happen in our relationship now. My eyes had been opened, but I wasn't sure if I had made a huge mistake or not.

It had been very passionate and certainly very unexpected. I nor he had planned on losing our virginity at the beach while vacationing with his family. But it had happened and now things between us would never be the same.

The family vacation ended and our relationship was different afterwards. We dated for another year and finally broke off our relationship the next summer when I had come home from college.

Maybe it was not meant to be, but Jeremy will always be the love of my life.

So, Mom the things that you told me about sex were right. It does change things and once it's done, you can never take it back. I do regret jumping into a sexual relationship before I was ready. I had no idea the impact it would have on me and my life.

Now that I am a mother, I hope that I can keep my child from learning things the way I learned them. Hopefully, he will be smarter than me and keep his desires under control.