Knowing Me, Knowing You

I'm writing this for Kayleigh Fraser's Get To Know Me #challenge!

I love this idea, so thank you Kayleigh!

I think it's fascinating how different we all are. Especially on a platform like Vocal, being able to learn about the people whose work I read daily is just so amazing. I love learning about other people's lives.

1. In contrast, I don't like sharing about myself. Which I know is ironic considering I'm sharing right now. And arguably my most successful pieces on Vocal are personal essays, but that kind of vulnerability makes me very uncomfortable. It's also the reason why I'm doing it anyways. I think I've spent a lot of my life keeping the most defining things about myself very close to the chest in fear. The last few years I've been trying to fight fear by purposely doing what makes me uncomfortable.

2. My name really is Ariel, and I was not named after the mermaid. Actually my dad first heard the name, I think in 87', when Cybill Shepherd, the actress, had twins, and one of them was named Molly Ariel. I guess he kept the name in mind since then, so in 91' when I was born, Ariel beat out my mom's choices which included: Britain, Amber and Danelle (yes, Da-nelle, not Danielle).

3. The Little Mermaid was my least favorite Disney movie growing up. Being a 90s kid, people always tried to make the comparison or assume I loved Little Mermaid things. I didn't. My favorite movies were more the whimsical adventure saga. I gravitated more toward movies that if they had a love story at all, it was friends to lovers, or my absolute favorite, enemies who become lovers after a long journey, saving each other's ass enough times to be like "I kinda like that ass."

After reading Hans Christian Andersen's The Little Mermaid as a teenager though I developed a real love for the story. There are a lot of very existentialist themes in the original story that I resonate with, which brings me to my next fact...

4. I have apeirophobia. Apeirophobia is the fear of infinity. It's a very abstract thing to fear since we have no control over it, and it's not something I can avoid other than by trying to keep my brain from thinking about it. Some people try to link this to thanatophobia (fear of dying) but I'm not scared of dying, just the concept of time going on and on and on.

Unfortunately this means regardless of belief system or lack thereof, I still have this phobia and probably always will. But on the plus side it's basically the only thing I'm really afraid of, so you know every dark cloud, silver lining and all that.

5. I work in film/tv production and I kind of hate it! I've worked mainly producing commercials, tv, and documentaries, and it's a thankless job. I was well suited for it because I'm a stereotypical virgo: organized, punctual, efficient, etc. But it took every piece of my energy and killed my creativity, and the only real payoff is that you can stand to make a lot of money. The money isn't worth it to me. I didn't grow up with money, and I know I can live off less if it means having time and energy to actually be able to pursue my creative dreams, even if they are just as hobbies. I could write forever about the entertainment industry. It's a lot of wonderful things, but it's also all the terrible things you've heard.

6. I dropped out of college at 18 to move to NYC. I left after 1 year at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, moved to New York, and haven't looked back. I've been here for over 13 years now, made friends here, got married to someone I met here who just joined the FDNY. It's definitely not the fantasy of a city you see in the movies, or how I imagined it would be, but I love it all the same. (I did eventually get my bachelors between community college and then university... again, and it only took me 7 years from dropping out to graduating! 😂 )

7. I'm a military brat. My parents were both US Marines. My brother is in the Army, previously the Navy. One grandfather was in the Army in WWII, one in the Air Force. Then there's uncles, cousins, and more family friends than I can count in basically every branch of service you can imagine. I wouldn't say I'm passionate about the military, but I am passionate about the people. Most of the people I know in the military joined out of desperation for something better than they had and I have deeply complicated feelings about the military and the US government in general because of this.

8. I used to be a ballerina. From preschool to high school I was a dancer. I actually loved ballet, but I ultimately left for the same reason I have unfortunately abandoned many things I love, drama. The older we got, the more catty people got and I don't play well in those environments. I am not even a little bit competitive, and I don't really get angry jealous. Seeing others have a talent or something I want just motivates me to figure out how to improve myself the best I can. I don't like being in places where talented people are fighting over accolades.

I do credit dance with getting me used to heavy critique though. I think I have a pretty thick skin thanks to ballet. You learn to not only get used to, but pray for critique, because it means someone is still paying attention to you.

9. I'm part Syrian. My dad is half, his dad was Syrian. When I was younger growing up in the southeastern United States I didn't really know what that meant. My grandfather was apparently all about being "American," so a lot of things were lost on me. Somehow it never occurred to me as a child that not every American family in the south eats kibbeh, and some of those random words my dad or aunts and uncles would say were not English words.

10. If I had unlimited time/money I'd spend forever enrolled in school. I really love learning, and the entire vibe of academia. I miss first days of school, and being in a classroom, lectures, assignments. Let's just say if I was an immortal vampire, I'd be less into gaslighting literal high schoolers and more into collecting PhDs like they're trading cards. Even now, I just turned 32 on Sunday and I'm fighting the urge to put myself in more debt and go back to school again.

Thank you for reading! If you have done the challenge and I haven't already read yours, please link it below so I can get to know you!