AITA for refusing to give my seat to a heavily pregnant woman?

Dear Confessions,

I was attending my nephews graduation and made sure I arrived extremely early so I could get a seat at the front. I arrived 40 minutes earlier than the suggested time and just camped out with my headphones in.

Five minutes prior to the start time a heavily pregnant lady approached with her partner and asked if I would mind giving up my seat as she would struggle to stand through the whole graduation. She did ask politely. However, I have difficulty with my knees and ankles and would also find standing extremely difficult, so I politely declined. Two minutes before the start time, she asked me again and again when I declined she turned to her husband and told him to make me move.

He asked politely again, and again I said no. He called me an arsehole and they both stormed off. I wasn’t bothered again.

Am I the arsehole?

Thank you for your question, I don’t think you are the arsehole in this situation but let me ask a few follow up questions. Were you the only person in your row? It seems strange that they kept pestering someone who had already told them no. Surely there were other able-bodied people that could have surrendered their seats?

Also, were there no seats further back? I understand wanting to be sat at the front for the graduation, however, if you arrive late and there are other seats then you take one of those. I would never dream of sauntering to the front when people have deliberately arrived early and demanding one of their seats.

Did you tell them you had difficulties with your legs? This one is because I am curious about whether it would have made a difference. I personally struggle with this as I have, what is often, an invisible disability and feel myself constantly over-explaining. I think in this situation, I likely would have said this to them because although 9 months are difficult during pregnancy, being disabled is a difficulty that is for the rest of your life. Most people will then back off.

Again, I urge you all to be kind to the people in these situations that you may judge to be the “arsehole” but actually have lots of things going on behind the scenes. I am so proud of this person for standing their ground and not being bullied out of a seat that they need and deserve.

It is so often people with hidden disabilities that suffer in these situations. I am a blue badge holder and I consistently get dirty looks or glared at for using disabled parking. Especially on days when I don’t need my walking stick or crutches. We also have people coming up to our vehicles to demand to know what is wrong with us and why we are entitled to disabled parking when we don’t “look disabled”. This is absolutely no ones business. Unless you are a traffic warden or a police officer (that can check the validity of the badge) you don’t need to glare or have any kind of conversation.

Recently, a friend of mine that is permanently in a wheelchair was using their disabled pass at a local attraction and was asked for proof of the disability. He gestured to the chair and the staff member said “Well you could have gotten that from anywhere, it doesn’t mean you need it”. Do we not have enough difficulties without adding daily confrontations to our lists?

If we take away anything from this situation and others like it, don’t assume you know what someone is going through or what others are thinking or feeling.