2024 Vocal Aspirations

2023 is dead. I buried it as soon as I could on Sunday, December 31, 2023 – at exactly 11.59.59 PM. As I tossed in the last scoop of dirt, I neither said goodbye nor shed tears. After all, 2023 was an uneventful, unremarkable year. I simply put my phone down, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and then slid into bed.

I slept well that night. No restlessness. And according to my Oura ring, I got 6.37 hours of sleep, including 1.25 hours of REM and 1.47 hours of deep sleep. Pretty good for me, and I was happy with those results.

When I woke up on Monday, January 1, 2024, I felt almost refreshed. I felt like the new day, the New Year, the new me – I felt like we were going to finally get things started off right.

But there was only silence. My headspace was blank.

My girls, ages 9 and 12, had not yet woken up. On a non-school, non-work day, their voices and laughter and screams usually fill my headspace, so I never have to do it myself. To think, I’ve gotten lazy.

I got up and out of bed. And in this silence, I made coffee. And in this silence, I drank my coffee. And in this silence, I marveled at the nothingness that remained in my head.

So, I sat down to reflect on 2023 and the New Year that was already here.

But again, that staggering nothingness. Emptiness.

With my finger, I outlined the smooth lip of the mug– a nice one, plump-like with a handle flattened at the top for my thumb to rest. It is the one my girls know not to touch; it was my thinking cup.

And there: was.

… was my thinking cup.

It’s like something you read in a book. The nice girl or nice boy gets their coffee at the quaint, local café. The steam floats above their heads, dancing, as they sip on it – the cup toasty warm in their hands. They then pull out their notebook, and as the snow falls outside, they begin to write next year’s best thriller.

And that’s what I’d envisioned this cup was for me: inspiration.

But on January 1, 2024, I drank my coffee in that cup, and not a creative thought, not even a thought, came to my mind.

Only emptiness.

And to be frank, that’s pretty much how it’s been for some time. How can it be when I’m a full-time Managing Editor? I write and edit all freakin’ day long. But that’s probably why, of course: I’m too mentally exhausted during my free time. But that’s probably also it: who has free time? If not working, then I’m doing something for my girls. I’m divorced, and the girls live with me pretty much 90% of the time, and there’s always something to do. If I do have a free moment, my head gets heavy, and I’m done.

Then, nearly two years ago, I came across Vocal. Was it a contest about an owl and a barn, or something? I can’t recall. But I was interested. Challenges… worth money!?! Ok. I am almost always on my last dollar the day before I get paid again, so writing for fun! For a possible check! Ok!

But then you don’t win.

I can’t remember if I entered the barn owl contest or if, after starting and never finishing the short story, I promised myself I’d try another challenge. The challenges, however, came and went. I have entered a few, but none were really suitable as a contest entry, and that’s ok because upon reflection now, I know this: It filled my head with ideas when it had otherwise been empty, void, nothing.

When there’s a new challenge, I sit for a minute and think about it. Then, knowing how much I would love $500 to give me some breathing room for the month, I start writing! And writing rejuvenates the thinking.

But then, work happens. Kids happen. Pets, aging parents, and this and that happens.

All is not lost, though! During a short break (like waiting in the car line to pick up my youngest), I think about my short story or poem. I get ideas!

Now, like I said, I don’t usually finish any of these short stories. I got bits of pieces of paper with hand-written notes jumbled in a heap on my desk, and that’s ok because in place of the emptiness in my head – for a few minutes that day, at least – I have ideas filling the space.

So, for 2024, my 2024 Vocal aspiration is a simple one: to attempt at least one Challenge a month, roughly. I thought at first I would just submit whatever I had, whether unfinished or not, but then I thought that would be a waste of the judge’s time – and none of us in the writing business has time to spare, so… I’ll be considerate and only submit finished entries. But I must at least try once a month.

The point, however, for me at this point in my life is the trying and not the finishing. To generate ideas via Vocal challenges is my 2024 aspiration, and not necessarily a completed project.

I just want to add, too, that it amazes me how many people actually submit entries. The dedication! The time and effort! Their love for the written word in an age of TikTok domination. People still write! In fact, they love it.

So, aside from prompts that inspire creative thought, Vocal itself has made me wonder why people write? Where does this need to put words on paper and have others read it originate? What is it that drives us?

So, another Vocal aspiration is also another simple one: Discover why I love to write. I have always used the written word as a way to express myself, to make arguments, to create new worlds, and more.

But why? Because in knowing the why, maybe I can get serious again.

Writing is hard work, so why do it when you don’t have to do it? I aspire to use Vocal to discover the answer.

Thus, in 2024, I aspire to be inspired and to understand, and Vocal challenges will hopefully help me in this effort.