I'm Terrified of Birth Control

Regardless of the fact that humans assigned female at birth are only fertile for a whopping 48 hours in one cycle and can only carry a pregnancy to term once per year while humans assigned male (given they have a normal sperm density) are fertile 365 days a year, the responsibility of birth control falls onto the prior group. Whether that be the pill, the patch, intrauterine device, injection, vaginal ring, implant, etc. there are so many (over 99% effective) ways to prevent pregnancy based on correct use. Some of them even last for over 3 years! Perfect for the on the go girl boss who doesn’t always have time to remember to pop a pill.

All jokes aside, I was celibate for the first 23 years of my life and had a very tame period that came every 27 days without any complications. I didn’t have any reason to take birth control. My sister on the other hand was not so fortunate. Every month when the time came, the entire house would dread it. She would sob and vomit from the cramps. No pain reliever helped. My mom said it was normal, everyone had bad cramps. She said it was just part of being a woman. My dad disagreed and said something had to be done. The only solution her general practitioner offered was the pill. My mom, being very anti-birth control, was livid and thought it would just make it easier for my sister to become sexually active when she went to college. My dad didn’t care. He hated to see his daughter writhe in pain unable to function because of her biology. She started birth control and with that a whole host of side effects began.

Nausea, headaches, weight gain, mood changes, low sex drive, acne, spotting, cramping, and even blood clots. These are just some of the side effects that come with all the different types of birth control. I started looking into birth control when I started a relationship with my male partner. We used condoms but my GP tried to convince me that condoms were only 50 percent effective and that I needed to be on hormonal birth control. I asked my friends what they used and how it affected them. They each said they hadn’t had any issues with the birth control they were on. I did some research and asked my doctor to refer me to someone who could administer the Nexplanon implant. I knew about the side effects. The six months of bleeding, the mood changes, the weight gain. Stll, the closer I got to the appointment, the more paranoid I got. I canceled a few days before and never looked back.

Since then I’ve heard countless stories about birth control complications. Blood clots in the brain, painful cramps and projectile vomiting from an IUD malfunction, people not being able to recognize themselves because they gain 50 pounds in such a short time span or because of their mood swings. I was, and still am terrified. Especially now that having penatrative sex with a male partner while living in a red state is even riskier with the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

For now I rely on condoms and good timing because I hate that the burden has been put on uturus owners to not get pregnant when we don’t want to be. As if it’s too much to request their partner wear protection because it’s not as good that way. As if it’s too much to ask their partner to get a vasectomy because they view their swimmers as more important than making the person they’re with feel safe in a post Roe world. As if closed legs don’t get forced open. As if condoms don’t get stealthily taken off. As if the thought of bringing a child into this world doesn’t petrify.