If You Identify as a Man and Have a Penis, You’re Lucky — Not Entitled

Normal?

Abnormal?

Let’s get something straight.

There’s no such thing as normal and abnormal within the scope of human identity.

There’s variety, differences, spectrums, and diversity throughout humanity.

True equality happens alongside diversity.

Most of us are just people trying to be our best selves and get through our lives the best way we know how — hopefully with some love, happiness, and personal success sprinkled throughout.

The only true equality we all have right now is death. None of us get to live forever. We all have an expiration date.

It doesn’t matter what religion or spirituality we embrace. Our skin tone is not a deterrent for death. Our age is only a statistic at the time of our death. Our sexuality in no way determines possible immortality. And our gender has no effect on whether or not we die.

People are diverse. And every one of us will die someday.

Can we please stop using ‘normal’ in our vocabulary?

If there is to ever be equality across all genders, there can not be one gender that is viewed as ‘normal.’ Doing so would imply that all other genders are either abnormal or inferior to the one ‘normal’ gender.

There can be no hierarchy of gender if equality is ever to be realized.

This means that those of us who think of cisgender as the default — whether we express this thought aloud or not — need to consciously change our own thinking. We need to train our own minds to withhold judgments solely based on appearances.

Retraining our own brains will not be easy. Nor will it be something we can accomplish overnight. But we still need to pursue it. Eradicating transphobia throughout the world depends on it.

I love cisgender men — no, really, I do.

If you were born with a penis and identify as a man, well, congrats! You are a lucky man. You will have none of the discrimination, ridicule, or abuse regarding your gender that pummels so many transgender folks throughout their lives.

If you are a cisgender male, there will probably never be a time when someone refers to you incorrectly by the wrong pronouns. You will never have to decide if it’s safe enough to correct that individual or to walk away in silence simply to protect yourself from further ridicule or even physical harm.

All of this is to say I don’t think all cisgender men are self-entitled pompous asshats who expect privileged treatment throughout their lives. Being cisgender does not mean a person is a self-serving, discriminatory jerk.

I love many cisgender men — my husband at the top of that list.

What I don’t love are the people who adhere to the imaginary idea that being cisgender makes them better than those who are transgender.

There shouldn’t be a cisgender vs. transgender issue (nor a straight vs. gay issue, for that matter). Equality works best when we disregard a person’s biological anatomy.

What someone may or may not have in their underwear is just not that important. And it certainly doesn’t determine whether or not they are a good human being.

No one chooses to be transgender.

It is unfair of me to simply state the collective cisgender men of this world are the prejudiced culprits who repeatedly treat my son differently. Actually, it is the ignorant, spiteful, and hateful people — many of who happen to be cisgender, straight men and women — who often view and treat my transgender child like he’s chosen to be an outsider on the wrong path.

Transgender folks do not decide to be transgender. People do not choose their gender any more than they choose their sexuality.

This article is simply me attempting to shine a bright light on the inequality my transgender son has endured simply because he wasn’t born with a penis.

News flash: Not all men are born with a penis.

Again, what happens to be inside someone’s underwear does not directly affect what type of person they are. You could be an empathetic cisgender male, or you could be a judgmental, snobby transgender woman.

The point is, it doesn’t matter what parts you were born with. What matters is how you treat other people throughout your life. What matters is whether or not you’re kind.

If your biological sex aligns with your gender identity, that’s great. You are a very fortunate individual. But please don’t think this stroke of luck entitles you to a label of ‘normal.’

Normal only exists in a world where abnormal exists.

Humanity contains too much diversity to be sorted into only two groups of normal and abnormal identities.

If you’re cisgender, be grateful. And be supportive and accepting of those who haven’t had the same luck as you.

Here are 10 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Their Transgender Teen.

Zada Kent is co-founder of LGBTQueer-ies & proud parent to her transgender son.