I Want To Be Obviously Queer

When I first came out, I wanted to hide.

I had a partner and that was great, but I wanted that to be where my queerness stopped. I just wanted to blend in with the crowd. I disapproved of Pride parades, I was confused by queer fashion, and I generally wanted to keep the whole thing as quiet and unintrusive as possible.

Since then, some things have changed.

I’ve thrown myself into queerdom

And I love it.

But I am also all too aware that it's a privilege that I am able to do that without much fear of oppression or violence. There are millions of our brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings who couldn't be outrageously out and proud even if they wanted to be, and that remains one of the frontline issues in the social war that our community is fighting.

However, in the few places where we can throw ourselves into queerness, openly and for all to see, I think there is value in doing just that.

Recently, I spoke to someone from the period of my life described at the start of this article. Having reconnected, I was explaining to them why I had made the changes I had made to myself, including my wholesale adoption of my queerness and my position in the LGBTQ+ community. That conversation was the inspiration for this article.

See, part of my change of heart was down to the slow and steady internal acceptance that I have experienced over the last few years. Looking back, those early days of being out were tainted by the echoes of my closeted mentality. I was out in terms of sexuality, but not identity.

Since then, however, another factor has played a huge role in pushing me to be proud and visible.

I feel a sense of duty to the next generation

The fact is, if I had seen more out and proud queer people when I was growing up, I wouldn't have had such a hard time coming to terms with my own identity.

My family had gay friends, and my parents were always very progressive and supportive, but that didn't change the fact that queerness simply didn't exist in the media we consumed as kids, nor did it appear anywhere in our education. Even though the gay rights movement was making progress in the early 2000s, it was still unheard of to see a gay couple walking down the street hand in hand, and queer fashion and culture were still next to invisible, at least in the seaside town where I grew up.

I often wonder what seeing those things in public would have done for me as a young, terrified, questioning kid in rural England. I know they wouldn't have made coming out a walk in the park, but I am pretty sure they would have helped… a lot.

So, with that in mind…

I want to be the person who helps that kid

I am in an incredibly privileged position. I am not only able to be openly queer without fear of significant threat, but I have the desire and support network to push those boundaries and be part of this fabulous movement that marches ever forward.

It is true that the more we push the queer boat out in public, the higher the risk of our pride receiving some kind of negative pushback. I am in no way suggesting that I wish to actively put myself in danger, nor am I advocating that other people should do so either.

But, if you want to embrace your queerness openly, and you can in a safe environment, then never underestimate the positive impact you could be making just by being yourself.

If I walk through a supermarket with my nails done and makeup on, and a kid sees me and realises that they can do those things too, if they want, then the risk and my nerves will have been worth it.

If a questioning teen watches me walk past, hand in hand with my boyfriend, and it gives them hope that love and happiness are still theirs for the taking, then the rewards will have outweighed the risks, at least for me.

I don't just take pride in my queerness. I take pride in what my queerness can achieve for others in this vital and ever-changing period in LGBTQ+ history.

Let the next generation be the first without fear

That's the goal.

It's a big one, I know. But, in some parts of the world, I think we can really start to get close. And movements to bring equality forwards are working tirelessly to make life better for LGBTQ+ people all around the globe.

And our visibility can help in achieving that goal.

I once had someone ask me why we still needed pride in places like the UK, where LGBTQ+ protections and rights are fairly advanced.

I told them that, aside from the social injustices still faced by queer people in the UK, the country also has a duty to lead by example. A pride parade in London is not just for the LGBTQ+ community of the UK, it's a celebration in a global metropolis, showing the rest of the world that progress is being made, and that it should be inevitable.

Visibility is a force that transcends borders. In the age of the internet and social media, drag artists and LGBTQ+ icons cannot easily be kept off the phones and screens of queer communities the world over. Their influence and the message of equality that many of them preach has weight across the globe, and the more people who lend their voices to that chorus, the more powerful the message will become.

That is why I want to be obvious in my queerness

The positions in which queer people find themselves vary not only from country to country, but from family to family, community to community. As a result, it is important to stress that no one should ever feel pressured into being any more open or obvious in their queerness than they are comfortable with. Safety, as always, must be paramount.

But, I want to use my position of privilege as a queer person to not only help those in my immediate vicinity, but to contribute my voice to that ever-growing global chorus calling for a better future.

From my fashion to the media I consume, I know that I can use the freedoms I have been afforded by my lucky position to try and help others achieve the same levels of protection and equality. And I honestly feel that it is my duty to do so, not just for the next generation, but also in recognition of those who came before us, who suffered so that I might have the freedoms I do.

They deserve to be honoured.

And the next generation deserves to be free.

I’ll do whatever I can to make that happen.