Vastness of Blue
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The ocean swells around me
Threatening to sweep me away
Yet promising to save me at the same time
It’s mysterious essence
Surrounds me
Sucking my soul from my bones
Cradling me for miles and miles
Through the waves and tides
The bright azure sky above me
Blends seamlessly into this deep dark blue of the ocean
That I am floating on
It is the color of your eyes
And it swallows me whole
It is everywhere.
It is everywhere.
It is everywhere.
I am nothing more than
The tiny dark pupil in the vast blueness of your eyes
Trying to survive in this
Ocean that has always beckoned me
Called out to me to
Fall deep into you and your love
Reaching out to bring me to you and to my home
You were always here to save me
When I thought I would surely drown
In the truth of you
In the beauty of you
And now I only want to drown in you again
Like I did when you were alive
When there were no boundaries
Called life and death between us
I was you.
You were me.
We were one and the same.
But now there is only blue
The never fucking ending blue of nothingness
I am lying in the white cotton nightgown
That was your favorite
You found the innocence and simplicity to be alluring
And it made you feel protective and amorous
As you wrapped your arms around me
Deep at night
I have accidentally
Or maybe, on purpose, let this canoe float
Too far out into this wet abyss of blue
I tossed the oars overboard hours ago
Fooling myself into thinking my faith will save me
That your love will come through for me
Will it? Will you be here for me again?
It is so very dangerous out here
As the waves toss me up and down in this fragile
Leaf like birch vessel
Floating precariously on the top of the water
The sun reddens and blisters my pale skin
And my tears start to fall
And my sobs turn into keens of agony
Welling within me
This endless grief just will not stop
And I don’t know
I just don’t know what I am supposed to do
Tell me what the fuck am I supposed to do?
I need your guidance now more than ever
But I only hear the water splashing against the
Wooden sides of this canoe
I need your love now
I need your strength
Please God, or someone, tell me what to do
The ocean swells around me
Threatening to sweep me away
Yet promising to save me at the same time
It’s mysterious essence
Drawing me into the vast blue of nothingness
The blue of your eyes.
Help me.
-Julie O’Hara 2023
About the Creator
Julie O'Hara - Author, Poet and Spiritual Warrior
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Comments (2)
Gosh, this was so poignant, emotional and extremely beautifully penned!
Melancholy and heartfelt!!!