This Too Shall Pass

If only I could carry comfort with me as if it were pixie dust in my pocket.

I'd grab a fist full and snort it like I was Tony Montana.

I'd rub it into my gums, tongue, and skin; I'd even toss it into the air above and let it sprinkle down, covering me from head to toe in a magical shimmer.

I'd twirl and dance in wild abandon as a seductive warmth flowed through my body.

Then I'd float up on my toes and fly to my own little Never Land, where there's no such thing as fear—only delirious happiness!

But comfort feels less like magic dust and more like sand sifting uncontrollably through my jittery fingers.

Instead of warmth, I feel a nerve-pinching cold pouring over my flesh, chilling me to the bone.

An ice-cold gale hits me square in the chest and knocks the wind out of me.

I shiver out each tiny grain of hope from my white-knuckled fists.

Something's wrong.

I can't breathe.

My heart is pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears, my legs are trembling, I can barely stand.

The winds are too strong. What if it doesn't stop? Oh God, what if I die?

But like a bad drug trip, it looks like I'm the only one who can see this windstorm.

My mind is in the thick of a category five hurricane, yet passerby wonder why I'm shivering violently at a warm summer breeze.

Oh, what I'd give to be a bystander looking on in confusion and ignorance.

Forget indulgent comforts; let me switch places with a calm stranger.

Let me look at myself from a distance, laugh, and say, "they're overreacting."

With every attempt at subduing my fear, the tempest grows wilder and more unyielding.

I'm so tired. Too tired to fight anymore.

Fine, you win.

Rage on.

Knock me off my feet, destroy me. I don't care!

I don't have the energy to deal with you any longer.

I remember that no matter how dark the sky gets or how violently the winds tousle my hair or fill me with a bitter chill, I have nothing to fear.

I've survived every storm.

And in time, this too shall pass.

Little by little the gusts get lighter, and the blackened clouds dissipate as I let go of my need to control them.

I realize I've been standing on the ocean shore all along, just moments away from the warmth of the radiant sun, surrounded by shimmering golden sand like pixie dust.